


Babylon

by Laryna6



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Deal with a Devil, Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mind Control, Period Typical Attitudes, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, various periodish horror tropes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-01-01 08:22:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 82,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laryna6/pseuds/Laryna6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji knows his father, the ruthless industrialist Gendo Ikari, has never felt any love for him. Even so, he never expected to be called back from boarding school only to be informed that he is to be sacrificed to the devil himself in order to bring Gendo's beloved wife back from the dead. In Babylon's successor, everyone is consumed by the lust for something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The full title is, of course, Gaslit Revelation Babylon. Because Original Flavor Word Salad.
> 
> This fic would be labeled Explicit/only for adults and kids who can handle it even without the sexual content because it's set in the Victorian era and I'm doing SF as social commentary, using fictional horror to contrast with very real horror.
> 
> It says something that in a fic with a human-sacrificing Satanic cult with orgies, the stuff that made me undecided about whether I needed to use multiple archive warnings (I'm hoping that someone will let me know if I need to adjust the tags: What are the rules on things that get referred to but don't happen onscreen?) comes not from the demons, but from the Victorians being Victorians.
> 
> So I want to establish right here that the opinions in the fic are not the opinions of the author, and when something comes up that you really, really hope the author is kidding about, odds are I'm not, and people really used to think that way. 
> 
> Despite the time period, there somehow manages to be a loving relationship where both people involved respect each other in the fic. Eventually. There's also sex taking place, and this is the Victorian era, so while if you asked one of the people involved he'd say of course he's consenting, by modern standards a lot of what's referred to in here is dubcon, and it absolutely is not meant to be okay. 
> 
> There can be a significant difference between 'better than average' and 'not actually evil' - think about this when Iruel comes up in the context of those factory workers. When the reality is horrible enough that something like that is a major improvement...

Shinji shivered, bracing himself for the caning. "You know the rules,  _Ikari_ ," the older boy spat.

He couldn't run away, not with two more older boys grabbing his arms. They'd beat him harder if he tried. The protest caught in his throat: he hadn't meant to be late to class again, but saying that he'd missed breakfast as well, trying to get the soap out of at least one uniform wouldn't help. He knew all too well that if he protested their 'justice,' that was almost as bad as daring to fight, a girly little thing like him.

At least all the marks kept his face from being pretty, he told himself, shutting his eyes tight, feeling the harsh itching of the lye soap still left in the fabric.

If only Kensuke was here, Kensuke would have tried something, but Kensuke was gone. That was why the other boys in the dorm had done this, because Kensuke was well-liked. Kensuke had promised to take them out to his country home to go hunting.

Kensuke's father was in debtor's prison now, and Kensuke had been removed from the school, even though it wasn't proper procedure at all, and everyone knew whose father had pulled the strings.

The little rich boy, jealous of Kensuke's popularity: he must have written home and told his father to ruin him. That was what everyone knew and Shinji protesting that he'd never written that man in all the years he'd been here hadn't helped.

Before, the upperclassmen had looked at him predatorily: he would be almost as good as a real girl, so whoever got him as their little fag would be lucky. He'd only made it this far through the year because three of them had applied to the headmaster to be his mentor, all of them students in good standing and in good families.

The fact that Shinji didn't get any allowance or gifts from home to take hadn't daunted them: he'd heard them laughing and saying they'd convince him to fix that right quick. Once one of them had officially taken him in hand, it would be his word against theirs, and no one would listen to an underclassman who needed to learn proper discipline.

Especially not one who had needed so  _much_ discipline in the last month.

Those three were some of the only boys in the school not afraid of antagonizing his father now. There was a small, select group of upperclassmen, all of whom had a tendency to greet Shinji with that same smile, as if they knew something they didn't, or they had orders from their families about him that they were looking forward to. Were their families that much better than Kensuke's? Or had any of them heard and believed Shinji saying that this wasn't for him, his father didn't care what happened to him, and actually believed him. In which case he was a girly boy with absolutely no one who had any desire to protect him, not in the entire school.

He couldn't help crying out when they struck him. At least they sounded more pleased than mocking when they laughed at him.

* * *

He was back in class, welts and soap rash stinging equally, when he was summoned to the headmaster's office. He would be leaving the school. His father's manservant had come to collect him. His belongings would be sent after him on the train.

It would have felt like a relief, if he hadn't known his father.

The one blessed relief was that there would be an overnight stop. A bath. Maybe he could even get clean clothes, or ask Kozo to wash these for him. Even though Gendo didn't approve of a mere boy asking anything of a superior servant, Kozo was sometimes distantly kind, in the same way as Rei.

He hoped Rei was still there.

* * *

Rei was still there, alright, standing with her hands folded primly at the foot of the stairs, face blank as always.

His father was standing up on the balcony, over the statue of the tree with its grasping branches that seemed to reach up to him, imploring pity that did not exist. His face was hidden in the shadows. Shinji hadn't seen him there for a moment. Someone must have spotted the carriage coming up the drive – Rei?

His father was here to welcome him? His father wouldn't possibly stand around just to welcome him. Shinji had expected to at least get to his rooms, have a few moments to clean up a bit, even though his father would either glare or ignore him no matter what he did. At least making sure he was presentable would have made things go a little less badly. Hopefully.

He didn't dare look to Rei for help, or back at Kozo, who was closing the great door. He should have expected that something was up when  _he_ was brought to the front door. Shinji swallowed. "Father?" he asked timidly. His voice echoed a bit in the room with its hard stone walls and floor, and otherwise he might have hoped that his quiet, fearful words might not have reached him.

"It's time," his father said, looking down at him. On him. "For you to fulfill the purpose for which I raised you. Ten years ago, I lost my wife. Your mother. You're going to get her back for me." Gendo's voice echoed too, in the dark room, deeper and much louder than Shinji's pathetic attempt at a greeting.

Shinji didn't dare say anything like 'What?!' He was too scared even to squeak. Not when the wounds from his last beating still smarted, even if Kozo was kind enough to pick up ointment for him at a chemist's, and his father was never reluctant to have Shinji caned. What he'd do if Shinji dared imply that he had gone mad, it didn't bear thinking about.

"Tonight, we'll be driving to a place outside London where they hold Black Masses. I promised your soul to the devil two years after she died, and you're finally old enough for him to collect his payment and your sainted," was there just a little emphasis on that, "mother to return to us." Did those terrifying eyes narrow in the darkness. "Don't stand there like a fish. Do you understand what you are to do?"

"Father, but… is that even possible?" he asked, lowering his eyes, unable to look at Gendo, the tree reminding him of the trees where witches were hung. They'd learned that in class. They were rarely burnt. Peasants couldn't afford to waste the wood, just like the poor often didn't have enough coal to stay warm. Just like the students didn't, because coal was expensive and they weren't worth it, just like his life was worth nothing to his father. Shinji might have made a joke, if he had Kensuke's courage. Something like 'at least it would be warm in hell,' but the words died on his lips.

"It is," Gendo said in tones that brooked no argument. "Fuyutsuki, make him presentable. Get rid of those cuts and bruises on his face. Shinji, for once in your life, you will be presentable and not disgrace me, is that understood? If your mother remains dead because of you, boy,  _your life will not be worth living_."

"But, but what if she doesn't come back?" Shinji almost pled. What if this was a hoax, which it had to be, and he took the blame for the failure. He found himself taking a step back, out of fear of his father's expression. It wasn't rage, it was absolute coldness, utter distaste for Shinji's existence.

"All you have to do," Gendo said slowly, almost spitting, "is sell your soul in exchange for hers. It should be simple enough for even a disrespectful little fool like you. If you prove incapable, then I will cut you open then and there and use your guts for an augury of what else the devil might accept. I  _will_ have your mother back, do you understand me, boy? You'll be able to see her again too," Gendo added grudgingly. "She always spoiled you. I suppose she'll be grateful to you, even though I'm the one who's arranged all of this."

"My, my mother?" Shinji remembered soft hands and a warm voice, but this was all happening so fast! His father had to be kidding, or that was what Shinji would have thought if this wasn't his father.

"Haven't you listened to a word I said?" You disrespectful brat. "Go to your rooms. Fuyutsuki will get you ready, and the four of us will leave this afternoon."

"The four of us?"

"I was created to serve as a replacement body for Lady Ikari," Rei answered Shinji. She was the only one who ever would.

"What?!" Shinji squawked now, even as he shook with fear. "Father, you can't be serious!" He took a step forward now, a distant part of him amazed at his own daring as he looked up at the balcony. "You can't!" he begged, reaching out to Gendo imploringly, even knowing that like that twisted, dead tree, he couldn't reach him. Rei was just a servant, but 'she's my friend!' he wanted to say, but his father wouldn't care, he just wouldn't care!

Even, even being cut open might be better than going back to school, it would all be over, right? And maybe his father wouldn't get away with it. Maybe there would be questions, although Shinji knew that wouldn't happen. It would be hushed up. His father had too much money, and power. The  _police_ wouldn't dare.

But, but Rei! "Let me go!" he pleaded with Fuyutsuki.

"Hurry up and use the drug," his father ordered. "You don't have all day to get him ready, and I won't wait another month because of a childish tantrum." That voice pressed into him, echoed in his head, the contempt making him curl up and die a little inside as Fuyutsuki's pitiless hand clamped over his mouth, as Shinji's vision grew blurred and the hand that had reached out to his father (even though he knew better, oh how he did) fell in utter defeat.

* * *

Smoke swirled around them, churchly incense without a trace of tobacco or opium smoke. The Master disliked them, and there were other pleasures available to the circle, but he was here for far more than mere earthly delights.

"And why should I bring her back for you?" Behind a stern expression, a mask of iron, he remembered those words, several years ago now. "What do you have to offer me? Your soul? Don't make me laugh. Why should I bring back a soul already in my possession, in exchange for another soul already in my possession?"

"I haven't sold it yet," he'd said through gritted teeth, his fists clenched as he stood in the pentagram before the throne of the devil that looked like a youth.

"But you've already damned yourself… how many times over now? How many workers, dead in your factories before the bargain with Iruel was made? How many rivals eliminated for the sake of your greed and desire for power? Even if it was the sorceress you married who made those bargains, you knew of them. You cannot lie to me. Your soul is mine."

"God can redeem anyone," was his reply, glaring now at those laughing red eyes.

"Oh? Is that what you really believe? But the redeemer is not your God, now is he? Your God is Yui. In order to be redeemed, you would have to open your heart to God, and we both know there's no room in there for anyone except her." A warm chuckle then, as it rested its chin on a delicate hand, looking at him with disdain. "Even if you had a prayer of escaping eternal torment, I wouldn't give tuppence for a soul like yours."

"Then what would you accept?"

"Your Radiance, I apologize for his disrespect. Allow me to have him removed," he'd heard from behind him. So Lorenz Keel was here, draped in one of those robes. Here to gloat that his traitorous daughter was dead. "A dead witch's puppet has no right to stand in your presence."

The devil raised that death-pale hand. "He's no puppet, not anymore. The spell she used to enslave him vanished with her death, as all such things do. He's here of his own will. He genuinely came to love the witch that used her power to bind him to his bed and force him to drink the love potion she made with his own mother's blood, spilled on one of the altars… And when you found that out was when the seed of love sprouted in your heart, even in soil poisoned by hatred of all mankind, even, no, because she was a monster like yourself, incapable of loving you as you were anyone but her. Since you despise humanity, and she was far less human than any demon in my court. How… special." That smile might have seemed approving, if not for the mocking edge. "Love. Isn't it supposed to be the one power that can rescue a soul from hell? If someone who truly loved the witch Yui – not you, someone with a worthy soul – comes to stand before me and freely offers themselves up for her return, then I might just accept."

They'd both known who Gendo was meant to think of. Professor Fuyutsuki, a researcher in dark and arcane tomes, who had been enslaved by Yui well before she met Gendo, even if she'd used subtler means. A bit of manipulation, a bit of the charm she'd gained by her own compacts with the devil.

She'd never allowed the Professor to make his own pact with the devil, even though that would have given her two sorcerers under her power. The devil's blessing might have included freeing him from her spell: it had happened before, once when Gendo was here as Yui's familiar slave. The young witch suddenly granted freedom and power had triumphed over the 'loving husband' that had drugged and enslaved her. Unfortunately, for her, the leaders of the cult were so afraid of the idea of a woman triumphing, when they'd surrounded themselves with enslaved young ladies, that they'd intervened.

Keel, no doubt thinking of his own daughter, had stood over her with his staff and pronounced that this was a 'sentence,' for raising a hand against her husband, her owner, when it was not this Kyoko's place to do so (a mere German wench he'd picked up on the Continent when he went looking for someone with a bright mind and some money that he could use to handle the magic and the finances for him while he debauched himself – Gendo would like to believe that he hadn't met those criteria himself, in Yui's eyes).

The devil had cleared its throat, and said that he had granted the woman her freedom, and was Keel claiming that he had the right to declare null and void a bargain made by his own infernal Master?

He had bowed his head, backed down, but while the woman had bargained for her freedom, she'd failed to ask for her tormentor's death. He'd found another, English this time, very, very quickly, and everyone knew it was just a matter of time before the two of them fought again.

Even though his father was a member of the circle and he'd been ordered not to defy their Master, he wouldn't let it go, and even though she was just one witch against the circle, hatred had to burn in her heart. Rendered barren by the magic that enslaved her so there wouldn't be any inconvenient bastards, she'd bargained with Armisael for a child of power.

That Gendo's case had turned out so differently, that even freed he longed for his Mistress to return and enslave him again must interest the cult enough that the rest of them had eventually overruled Keel, who most certainly did not want his daughter to return. It had taken him two years to gain this audience with the devil, two years and all the bribery and blackmail the alchemists he'd enslaved and that too-suave reporter could manage for him, and was it granted only so that the creature could mock him?

Because this was clearly another trap. The word 'freely' proved it. Even though Yui lost control of their teacher when she died, Gendo was ready and waiting to retake that control, and it had been necessary. If the old man had any power to fight him off, any at all, he would have used that sacrificial knife before Gendo could force him to kneel and submit. He'd plucked it from feeble old fingers as despairing eyes peered up at him and smiled: this was the man who had dared look down on Gendo as new money, merely Yui's pet, a stray she'd picked up and lower than the mud Kozo's manservant brushed off his boots.

It had amused Yui to make the 'dear professor' Gendo's manservant, once they married, although she kept the professor busy in his laboratory most of the time and had ordered Gendo never to enquire into what was done there.

Although he'd recently been very pleased by one of the products…

Who knew what Fuyutsuki could ask for, when his mind was restored to him? Nothing that Gendo would want. Yui had many other admirers: she'd made full use of all her powers, but did any among them love her?

Someone else, who loved Yui even without the witch's magic?

After it occurred to him, it was obvious. He'd watched her with the boy, after all. How it amused her, how easy it was to make him adore her, see her as his goddess, the sun at the center of his universe.

Gendo had hated him for it, and his jealousy amused Yui, he knew. She'd told him that she was merely raising the boy as a slave (just like Gendo), so, when the time came that he was old enough to stand before the devil and sell his soul, he would wish only to please and serve her.

Raised to have no will of his own, he would never think to rebel against her, the way Yui had sought power superior to her father's. Lorenz Keel might be first among the Circle, but he was only the second to bargain with the devil, after they'd released it from its frozen prison.

Despite the deference his spawn showed him, Tabris had never claimed to be Lucifer himself. He hadn't declined Lucifer's titles, either, and Tabris was a lesser angel, the domain only of dusty old scholars like the ill-fated defrocked Father Katsuragi. It was clearly a pseudonym, or merely one of his names, given that fallen angels of far higher rank hailed him as their lord and master.

Yet where there was one, there might be more… even if not in Antarctica.

Normal children loved their mothers. "You want the boy?" he asked.

"His mother and grandsire both possess considerable power, and both of them bred themselves carefully. There's power in his blood, and also darkness. The witch bore him as a sacrifice: have him brought to me on the summer solstice of his fourteenth year, as well as a suitable vessel for Yui's soul."

Did he know of the homonculous that Professor Fuyutsuki's researches had finally produced? No, Gendo told himself. Their home was well-warded. Yui's wards might have failed with her death, but even if it was difficult to gain an audience with the devil himself, who only appeared before an assembled Circle, the others were more willing to deal with a lone warlock. He'd offered up seven children to Sahaquiel, one to blind each of the seven eyes.

The others might have more trouble acquiring children now, but Gendo's factories kept him well-supplied. The parents would bring them to him themselves, with their minds ensorcelled. Thankfully he was the one to make the bargain with Iruel, with Yui's assistance. They would labor in the factory until they died.

Gendo nodded his acceptance of the devil's terms.

"Then, provided the conditions are met, we have a bargain, Sir Gendo," the devil said, and gestured forward the cupbearer.

Gendo had never been permitted to take Unholy Communion before, not as a mere ensorcelled familiar. This would mark him as a member of the circle, if the outer circle. Killing him before he could bring Shinji here would be interference in their master's affairs, and anyone who tried to annul another's bargain risked the loss of Tabris' favor.

His title was only a few years old now; Yui's doing, although before now the Circle had referred to him as 'Ikari' or Mister Ikari at best, knowing that he only had the title because he was Yui's lapdog and she had helped him make his fortune, not on merit or blood, like most of them. Now that Tabris had used it, however?

Bowing over the cup and its bearer at their Master, he reached down to take it with a feeling of satisfaction. He just had to ensure that Shinji had nothing but Yui to love, not even his own soul. That was simple enough.

The darkness in the boy's veins: if he'd inherited his parents' near-heartlessness, then no one else without similar charm would be able to break past that innate selfishness. If anyone showed any signs of trying, it would be easy for Gendo to deal with them.

And what was a little matter of… ten years, maybe as little as eight? How old was the damn thing, again? Well, no matter. He would advance Yui's plans in her absence, and once she achieved her ascendance, he would have the rest of eternity to spend kneeling at the feet of his Mistress.


	2. Chapter 2

Shinji knew that he must have been bathed, washed, oiled and perfumed from what his father had ordered and the way he found himself when he woke up, but only flashes remained of warmth, touch, silk on his skin and bare feet, wrapped in a cloth and bundled into the carriage. Even though his mind was in no state to understand instructions, invisible strings came from the collar around his neck that lifted his legs, opened his mouth obediently.

Carried out of the carriage again, into another building, ordered to walk. Kneel. Hard stone under his knees. Marble. Stay. Rei, she was next to him, and that was alright, everything was alright. He would have giggled if the collar didn’t keep him silent. He felt so _nice_. Nothing hurt.

Stand. Forward. Kneel before a white blur. Closer. Something warm touching his cheek. He might have pushed against it if he couldn’t move. Collar: maybe he was a cat? (He didn’t want to be killed for meat and fur: no one would want something like him for a pet, he’d be a wretched stray, starving on the streets, the way he might if he displeased his father. Or sent to work at a factory again for a day, the way he had last break, when his father wanted him to understand how grateful he should be and how weak he was.

The collar slid from around his neck, and he almost wanted it back, because now he didn’t know what to do with himself and he still couldn’t think. Warm thing (a pale hand) on the top of his head, and clarity poured through him.

Terrified blue eyes met red. A boy that looked maybe a year older than him. An albino? Skin and hair of such a shocking pure white, he wanted to compare it to marble, and alabaster. Something beautiful out of songs. He was much, much prettier than Shinji ever was, even if he wasn’t quite like a girl.

So he was an albino, and the cult his father joined (had missing Shinji’s mother finally driven him mad, there were always rumors, burning all of her possessions in the courtyard) thought he was magic because of it, maybe?

“I can give you power over your father,” was what the boy said.

He had to be joking.

“The only bargain your father has ever made with me was to bring me you. That bargain has been kept. His enemies have been waiting for this chance for quite a few years now. If you don’t bring back the witch Yui, if her protections aren’t added to his own, then you might see him laid out upon that altar before the end of the night.”

Shinji half-turned his head. Rei. Rei was on there, no one else had hair like hers.

She was, was naked. So were a lot of the people around the edges of the room, kneeling at the feet or sitting on the laps of some of the people in cloaks.

Shinji was naked too. He blushed furiously and the boy laughed, not unkindly. “In exchange for your soul,” he said, and Shinji’s blood went even colder, “I’ll give you the power to kill him. To return to him every bit of pain he’s ever inflicted on you, before he dies. You’ll need that power, Shinji: your mother’s father is here, and he’s already made his own bargain with me. The loss of your mother set him back, and the youth I granted him won’t last forever. He’ll need another body soon, a body of his own blood, and a body that can inherit his property will be easiest. If you don’t shed your father’s blood, he will, and use it to create a binding that will make your will nothing but an extension of his. You’ll perform the ritual to let his soul take your body and rejoice.”

He wanted to run, he wanted to run so, so much, but his knees were weak: if there wasn’t space between them, he was sure they would have knocked together. Then he realized he’d be less exposed if they were pressed together and did it, choking back a mortified sound. That was a little better, even if the boy in front of him could still see his… thing. It wasn’t much of one, and this was another boy, so he wouldn’t care… except he was talking about Shinji’s soul, and looking at Shinji’s body with more than a little amused appreciation. “Don’t blush, young man. It’s nothing that everyone here hasn’t seen before. A virgin?” Shinji could only blush. “That will only make your body a more valuable prize,” the young man warned him now, looking serious. “If you don’t sell me your soul, then before you leave here tonight, someone else will take it. The power to avenge yourself, I think. Protection until your majority… what do you wish for? Aside from vengeance on your father. And safety.”

“Rei. Rei’s safety.” He didn’t have anyone else. She’d gone along with this, so calm when it was Shinji’s soul and her body, but… His mother. “Can you really bring back my mother?” he asked quietly.

“Her soul is mine: I can dispose of it as I wish.” Somehow, looking at him, Shinji believed him. Perhaps because the way he said it was so offhand: that frown doubtful that Shinji was really asking this instead of doubtful of his own ability.

“Without, without hurting Rei,” Shinji tried. His lips here dry: he had to wet them with his tongue. He was shaking.

“There are plenty of other bodies here, but are you sure? Once she’s back…”

“My father won’t have any more use for me,” Shinji knew. That was the reason he’d been called back. He wouldn’t get to stay with her. He’d have to go back to school. “Can you use my body?”

“Body and soul for body and soul: that was the bargain offered. Reshaping bodies is child’s play, but it’s not worth it,” but that wasn’t a no.

“I’m not worth it,” Shinji said in a small voice. “I, she, my mother… She was kind to me,” so maybe she’d be kind to Rei? Maybe she’d be sad that Shinji was gone? “She deserves to live a lot more than I do.” She’d be happier. His father loved her. And maybe he might, he might even be grateful to Shinji? That Shinji had turned down murdering him, too. He bowed his head quickly, the movement almost a jerk, realizing that he was asking someone for a favor. “Do you, do you really grant wishes?” he asked shyly, looking up through his eyelashes.

“A human offers me their soul, and I make a bargain with them in exchange. Genies are servants, I am master here.”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t,” Shinji said, cringing as he realized he may have misspoken.

“It’s alright.” The other boy reached out to cup Shinji’s face, then scratched his scalp a bit, just gently. Was this why dogs liked being scratched?

“Please?” he asked shyly. “If you really can bring her back, I’ll do anything you want.” No one had touched him this gently since his mother. If he could bring her back? If he could be loved again, it would be worth anything.

Even though in this case ‘anything’ meant eternal hellfire. Torture.

A laugh, a kind one. Now that it had hit Shinji what this really meant, the kindness was scarier than a mocking laugh could have been. No one who would hurt someone until the end of time could possibly be so kind. It was a trick, a ruse. Meant to lure him in. “I’ll own you, body and soul,” the voice (the demon? The devil himself? All that white, he had to be a fallen angel) reminded him. “It’s not a matter of doing _something_ for me. You’ll do whatever I wish. Your body, and mind, will be mine, and I’ll do whatever I wish with them. Are you sure that you don’t want power?”

“You’ll get my soul in the end, right?” Shinji knew, and the devil laughed.

“There are many ways of putting it off,” but Shinji was absolutely correct, that smile said.

“Where is my mother?” Shinji asked. “She isn’t in heaven?”

“No.”

“Right,” Shinji knew, his shoulders slumping a bit. “You wouldn’t be able to bring her back if she was in heaven.” The devil had no power there. Unless he was going to bring back a fake, but wouldn’t that serve his father right? Lose his real son, and get taken advantage of for the rest of his life by a demoness. “My father’s definitely going to hell,” he knew. “I don’t want them to end up in the same place. If my mother comes back, will she have another chance?”

“Hmm… for you, I’ll release her soul, and grant her another chance. In exchange for you.” So not just as a favor, even though Shinji didn’t think he would have gotten it otherwise.

He felt more than a little giddy, caught up in delirium. What happened to Kensuke, the shock of coming home and now this. Was this what it was like to be drunk? “And no matter whether or not it works, don’t let my father cut me open?”

“I’ll promise you that.”

“Ever,” Shinji pressed him. “Not even a demon that looks like my father.” After Shinji went to hell.

“Don’t worry,” the demon promised him. “My subjects have better things to do with their time.”

Better had to mean nastier, but “Alright,” Shinji said, then realized he should probably specify. They’d draw up a contract, right? “My mother back, in exchange for all of me. My soul and my body too. But she has to be healthy. And sane.” Had they tortured her into insanity? Was his gentle mother screaming, right now? He couldn’t even remember her face.

He was leaning forward now, looking up at the demon hopefully, and he looked so kind. It was definitely a trick, the warmth radiating from white velvet had to be hellfire, a warning of the demon’s true nature, like those red eyes, but if he really was a demon, then he really could do this. School, his father: common sense was ‘better the devil you know,’ but he just, he just didn’t want it to be his father that… and Rei would live, and… “Rei,” he added. “She doesn’t get taken over, or sacrificed or anything.”

“Not to me,” the fallen angel promised. “By giving me your body and soul now, you’re forfeiting all the remaining years of your life, years you normally would have had to try to amend your contract. I’ll give you a little leeway to adjust things even after the binding. Your father isn’t the only one who brought me an offering tonight.”

So he was being rude and holding up the line… of human sacrifices? But the devil had leaned over and gestured for someone to put a silver goblet in his hand. He held it out to Shinji.

Blood.

“It’s mine,” the devil told him, seeing his expression. “Drink my blood, and you will gain a fragment of my power. Since most contracts are for power, it also serves to seal the contract.”

 _I’m going to hell,_ Shinji knew. _But if I don’t, Rei’s going to die._

He took it with trembling hands. Blood spilled over the brim: he winced when it hit white velvet. “S-Sorry.”

A wave of the devil’s hand: it was nothing. And it wasn’t. The blood vanished. “Don’t apologize for having much more sense than most who offer me their souls.”

His smile was serene and Shinji couldn’t help returning it, even though his was a little more pinched, strained. He wondered if he was still blushing or if his face was pale and nervous. Was the pain in his stomach stress or hunger: was this one of those things you fasted for, or was gluttony a sin?

He touched his lips to the rim of the goblet and hesitated. Not that he was thinking of only pretending to drink, and the idea of trying to chug was too ridiculous to entertain for more than a second – he had no idea how to chug, he hadn’t been welcome in the circles of boys egging each other on to practice with water. So he just drank.

Warmth, spreading outward from his throat. When it hit his brain everything started to tingle. His bones felt weird. He blinked his eyes rapidly, watching the colors shift. Was this death? “ _Mom?”_ he tried to think loudly. Was her soul moving into his body, or was his getting pulled out of it first?

First one hand, then the other, was carefully removed from the stem of the silver goblet. It was taken away, and he let himself fall forward, leaning against those legs. He was either going to die or be tortured eternally or both, so he really couldn’t be in any worse trouble if he was impertinent just because he was tired.

His hair was being stroked, by a hand just a little warmer than Shinji thought hands should be. It was nice. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be a cat, he thought as he was gently turned around, as his unfocused eyes saw a dark mass arise out of the center of a pentagram, taking shape in an instant.

 _Mother,_ he knew, somehow, with absolute certainty, and knowing it was done he let his eyes slip closed, let go of himself and fell into the grasp of those hands. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was _warm_. It barely ever was in the dorms of the boys his age: it built character and allowed the school to save money on coal. He pitied the boys who were lucky enough to grow up in India and unlucky enough to be sent here by parents who believed it was healthier for them. Between the cold and the sparse meals, well, Kensuke wasn’t the first student who had left because of something horrible, it was just that most of them left in caskets.

Curling up, Shinji realized that there was someone else in the bed. Kensuke. No one else was going to risk getting caught sharing warmth with him, not when the teachers would punish you for it and the older boys who did the patrols (since the teachers weren’t going to come in here: it was cold and they had old bones!) didn’t like anyone they suspected of poaching.

He nudged at him a bit: what time was it? Was Kensuke going to get caught?

When a hand touched his forehead and he heard a voice that wasn’t Kensuke’s hum softly he started, jerking up in bed, his head… something on his head brushing against the other person’s wrist as he sat up.

Shinji reached up and felt around. Wait, and, um, what?!

“You kept thinking of being a cat,” he heard, and twisted around to see the pale demon from… that wasn’t a dream?!

And these were “Cat, cat ears?” he squeaked embarrassingly, then even more embarrassed when his gaze moved down the demon’s chest and saw white fabric pooled around his hips, sliding further down because Shinji’s movements were dragging the cloth and it had slid down at his own hips.

He let go of his ears almost convulsively to grab the cloth to cover himself. It was one thing to be naked in front of another boy, but having someone watch while, while his body was having one of those reactions. Was it just because he was waking up and it was warm and there’d been someone’s naked (naked!) skin pressed up against his, arms wrapped around him, or was it because of that lean body and Shinji’s face must be completely red.

His brain belatedly informed him that he had a tail, and it was standing on end, before with a twitch he pulled it around his waist, trying to be small, feel less exposed. A, a tail. He could feel it, and feel with it, feel his ears twitching.

This was, this was real magic.

“Cream?” the demon asked him. “You don’t have to eat a cat’s diet, but you didn’t look like you’d had very much of anything to eat before you came. They can bring fresh scones right now, with cream, jam and honey, but there’s fish already cooking.”

“Um…” this, this felt like the real world. Shinji thought he felt alive, but it wasn’t hurting anywhere.

The demon leaned forward, up off the brocaded pillows he must have been reclining on while he held Shinji, and Shinji’s eyes went to the silk, which slid even further down with the movement, as the demon picked up a small silver bell and rang it.

“Yes, Master?” a cheerful voice said, a girl who looked around Rei’s age (not that Shinji had seen many girls) asked.

“My newest pet has woken up. Please bring scones, and juice, and ask if Mari is willing to spare one or two of her fish for a new little kitten, hmm?”

She laughed brightly. “Is he going to stay a kitten, Master?” she asked, ears perking up.

“He’s just woken up, Hikari,” was the gently chiding response, as the demon put a hand on Shinji’s back, stroking it in a way that was maybe meant to be soothing, but but _skin_ and they were naked and the hand was warm, not freezing from the cold water of the baths after Sports. Shinji wasn’t used to being touched. “Let’s get something into him first, yes?”

“Oh!” she realized, and looked at Shinji apologetically, “I’ll be back with the tray in just a minute” she said, and bowed quickly to the demon before she left.

“Hikari is in charge of keeping everyone fed,” the demon explained now, turning to him. “Her younger sisters couldn’t even remember a time when they weren’t hungry.” The contempt in his voice frightened Shinji. Even more so the way his smile became gentle again, as he reached up to play with one of Shinji’s ears, tugging a little so Shinji turned back to him as he sat up more properly, drawing his knees under himself to echo Shinji, who had found himself kneeling not to show deference but because that pulled his legs under him and felt like more of him was hidden, even if turning his body towards the front of the bed meant he had to hurry and grab the sheet. He tried not to look down, not at either of them. “You don’t have to stay a cat,” he told him. “Hikari likes being a light sleeper, so she can wake up whenever anyone needs anything, and Mari likes it so much she spends most of her time turned entirely into a cat, even now that she’s left my household for a new Mistress.”

“A, a Mistress?” Shinji asked. He couldn’t mean that Mari had a kept woman, not when he’d called this Mari a ‘she,’ but this was a demon, and perversion, and he would have clenched his hands together tight if they weren’t folded in his lap, trying to hide himself as the demon shifted a little closer.

“Mari decided to become a familiar,” the demon explained, rubbing the nape of Shinji’s neck now. “She took a liking to this one little witch and asked if she could have her all to herself. I don’t think Asuka’s quite realized yet just who I was giving as a present to whom, but showing my favor there resolved a few difficulties.” A moment’s smirk at the thought of that.

The door opened again, and Hikari came in, along with a young man a little taller and much stronger-looking than Shinji carrying a portable table. He had to put it down carefully next to the bed so Hikari could put the tray down on it. When he removed his hands from under the table, Shinji’s eyes widened to see that they were clawed, but it was only when he and Hikari both bowed to the demon that he saw the black wings furled on the other boy’s back.

Hikari was wearing an apron that didn’t look like anything he’d ever seen, but it was pretty cute. It matched her slit yellow eyes. The demon boy was naked. “Now that Mari’s left us, Touji is in charge of the incubi,” the demon lord introduced him.

Touji nodded a casual hello, grin showing fangs.

“You don’t have to wear the wings and claws to be an incubus, Touji just likes to look that way,” Hikari said helpfully. “Since you’re going to be a household pet for now, just let me know if you want anything? I’d be happy to give you the orientation later, when our Master is done with you for awhile.” She looked past Shinji at the demon. “Should I go over the typical questions now, Master, or do you…”

The demon smiled. “Let him be fed first, Hikari.”

Two bows, and “We’ll get going then,” Touji said. At the demon’s nod of dismissal, they headed to the door, although Touji gave Shinji a ‘cheer up, man’ wave from the door.

“This isn’t hell?” Shinji asked when the door closed.

“Of course not.” The demon assured him, ruffling his hair. “Hell’s a very dreary place. They don’t have orange juice, music, or much of anything. I spend all my time in the human world, and you sold your soul and body to _me_.” He leaned forward past Shinji now, and started cutting open a scone. “My true name is a power to conjure by, so I call myself Tabris. Your ties to your birth family are severed: your name is Shinji now, not Shinji Ikari, although you can change it later, if you like. Touji’s younger sister keeps changing hers: I think it’s Cherry at the moment, unless that was only because she was pleading with me to conjure up cherries for her.”

Shinji blinked, startled to find a piece of scone spread with Devonshire cream already held to his lips. There was just so much to take in. The devil nudged his lips coaxingly, and Shinji realized that he needed to be obedient. Taking it in, chewing and swallowing earned him a benevolent smile.

The scone was still warm, the cream was fresh: it was so much better than anything he’d had in years, at the school, but he barely noticed that, not with everything that was going on.

“I have the power to shape men’s bodies to my will, and I’ve given that to some of the sorcerers who have made contracts with me, and also some of my servants. You’re an adorable human boy with cat ears because you took the form of a scruffy little kitten when I peered into your dreams last night.” Another bite? That earned him another smile: good pet.

Tabris turned back to the table and opened a jar to slather another piece with peach jam. “Mari is the only demon in the house right now: she came with her Asuka for the ceremony. I don’t normally let witches and warlocks stay as guests in my home, since they try to take advantage by cornering me and pressing me with attempts to negotiate more bargains when I’m enjoying myself, but Mari’s trained Asuka up nicely. I am a fallen angel, not a common demon: if you see someone else with eyes and skin like mine, that means one of my Children is visiting. Be polite,” he said, tapping Shinji on the nose, just gently, before feeding him another bite, this time with the jam.

“Hikari and Touji want to become true demons, but since they’re mated – Touji is Hikari’s familiar - they want to go through the change at the same time so they’re never apart, and Hikari is looking for someone to train up to run the household. Once they become demons, they’ll be sent out to do my will elsewhere. However, even though you were offered up as a sacrifice, you offered _yourself_ up. You’re a sorcerer, not just a sacrifice, and the pact I’ve made with my worshippers… Well, eventually they’ll all become my slaves, but not while they’re still alive. Since your body is mine, I can do with it as I please, but I can’t make your will my own until you die, not even if you want to give it to me.” He patted Shinji on the shoulder, giving him a look that wasn’t pretending very hard at all that Tabris was truly sorry to give him such bad news. “So, it looks like you’ll have the honor of being my familiar. Do you like cooking?”

It took Shinji a moment to figure out why Tabris was asking. “I’ve never tried,” but if he was willing to learn, then he’d be Hikari’s valuable replacement, wouldn’t he? That might give him some protection. Unless he was terrible at it and was punished for it, but Hikari and Touji didn’t seem scared of Tabris at all.

“What about music? And would you like milk or orange juice?”

“Milk,” was the first thing that jumped into his mind, since he was a cat right now, and Tabris poured a little for him and held it to his lips and _he was making his new Master act like a servant_. Tabris might regard it as a game, seemed amused to spoil him right now, but Shinji drank quickly, looking down in a show of submission and obedience. “Um, Master, may I ask what does a familiar do?”

“Whatever will please their Master. Do you have any musical training?”

“The cello, and a bit of piano.” Mostly forgotten. Whatever will please their Master, though: Shinji knew what that meant, especially coming from a devil. He wasn’t part of his original family anymore, and waking up here? He was clearly supposed to share his Master’s bed.

He just wished he knew what he was doing. There were things that were supposed to make it hurt less, he’d heard, but everyone was looking forward to what a rough time he’d have of it. Maybe Touji would tell him? Touji was _big_ , though: even though it wasn’t erect he’d looked much thicker than Shinji or even (he flicked his eyes towards Tabris just a bit: with them so close like this he could only look at his Master or himself) the devil, but that made sense: incubi were supposed to be _huge_.

Something that big had to hurt going in, so why was he getting even bigger himself, thinking about Touji and Hikari?

“Hungry for something else now?” Tabris asked him and Shinji looked up, mortified. Had he seen? Shinji’s hands were covering his cock… except they weren’t just covering it now, were they?

There was definitely interest, expectation in those gentle-seeming red eyes, but “Why don’t you eat a little more first?” Tabris asked him.

The obvious implication was that Shinji was going to need his strength. He swallowed, throat suddenly dry, and gratefully accepted another drink of milk. Eating was going to put it off, but if he ate too much, he’d get sleepy. The room was warm, and he wasn’t used to that, and there was enough here to give him a full stomach three times over. “Could I feed you,” um, “Master Tabris?” he tried, since that would put it off too and hopefully please him, that Shinji knew his place, that he was the servant here, not the master.

A hand in his hair again, scratching lightly behind an ear and then gently stroking down his back. So he’d said the right thing, managed to earn a petting instead of a blow. The blows would start eventually. He was a servant now, and worse. No, worse than even a wife: wives had separate bedrooms.

He had to, he had to find ways to make him useful somewhere else. Out of the master’s reach. For now, he tried not to let his hands shake when Tabris moved aside a little so Shinji could scoot next to him. He tried to suppress a shudder when the devil leaned against him a little, skin to skin, as Shinji spread some honey on another bit of the scone. This was something like being a harem slave, maybe? But there weren’t any grapes to peel. He hoped they’d let him have clothes: Hikari had some, but Touji didn’t, except for that collar.

If he didn’t have shoes or clothes, that would make it impossible to run away, not that he could escape when he’d sold his soul and was in a devil’s power and what if Tabris decided that by trying to escape, Shinji had cheated somehow and Tabris could take back Shinji’s price?

Thinking of his mother, roasting in the flames?

He wasn’t in the flames yet, so as long as he could make himself useful around the manor, as long as he could keep his Master happy with him? It was still inevitable, but he’d known that he was going to be some upperclassman’s kept boy soon enough.

All of this might be a trick, to get his hopes up, to make what would happen later even worse, but he still found himself blushing as Tabris opened his mouth to take the piece of scone, sticky with honey. It definitely wasn’t weird to find a devil compellingly attractive, he reminded himself. Seducing and corrupting people was what devils did. He was going to end up a catamite, if not worse, but he’d sold his soul to a devil, so he was damned anyway.

Maybe his father approved of him a little, now that he’d done what he wanted? Maybe his mother would be upset, and want to see him again? He didn’t want her to cry, but thinking that she was alive, that someone loved him and didn’t want him to suffer made him feel strange inside, on top of all the other strangeness.

If he acted shameless, then maybe the devil with his skin smoother than even a woman’s could possibly be would reward Shinji for it, lead him into debauchery by making it feel good instead of leaving Shinji lying there aching, coming down the next morning with a stiff gait to knowing snickers?

If Shinji leaned down and shyly, far too shyly to actually ask (or would he be made to beg?) except with blushing cheeks and large blue eyes looking from a face far too much like a woman’s (like his mother’s? His father had said once that Shinji didn’t look like him at all, that he didn’t know where Shinji got it from) would that be alright? He’d heard that they’d make you choke on it, but that had to be better than being grabbed by his thin hips and…

Tabris looked pleased, like he hadn’t been expecting this so soon but he was happy that Shinji had learned his place so quickly. He stroked Shinji’s hair as Shinji tried to get used to the smell. He was glad he hadn’t eaten that much yet, when the fear was making his stomach feel awful. He swallowed and tried licking at it, then reached forward because touching it wasn’t that bad, much better that the alternatives, he’d touched his own before and it couldn’t be that different.

This was a devil, so it _could_ be, but right now it didn’t look that different and Shinji really, really hoped it stayed that way.

At least Tabris wasn’t pushing him, he just kept gently stroking Shinji’s head, and it was soothing even though Shinji knew that trying to beguile him had to be the idea.

The door opened, and Shinji started to jump back, but stopped when his head pressed against those hands. “Leave it on the table,” Tabris told the servant.

“Yes, Master,” Hikari said cheerfully, and left again, seemingly ignoring Shinji. Not that Shinji dared to look up at her. Shinji stayed frozen a minute more, but those fingers dug in, just a little, the nails scratched gently and it was obviously a threat.

Shinji opened his mouth and took in what he could: Tabris’ hands on his shoulders stopped him when he would have tried to take in more than he could. “Don’t press yourself, Shinji,” the devil said, and his voice sounded so _kind_. “Learn what your body likes, what it enjoys, and then you can try to test your limits. This is your first time, so just follow your desires and take care.”

“ _You shouldn’t have_ ,” Shinji thought of saying afterwards, with his back pressed to Tabris’ chest. “ _You really shouldn’t have,_ ” but Tabris was a devil. Maybe it had liked Shinji’s seed being spilled upon the ground, or upon the bedclothes at least: was it still the sin of onanism if it was someone else’s hands? That gathered him against another warm body, fondled him, spoke soothing words that blurred together into a hum in his ear as Shinji came. Shinji had taken care of him first, so when Tabris just drew him closer he’d been afraid that Tabris was going to demand to penetrate him now, but instead he’d just touched Shinji, stroked him long and slow until Shinji was wriggling and clinging to him but it was far from torture.

His body was calm now, and sleepy, because it had felt good and really, Tabris hadn’t had to do that for him. Just because boys were capable of enjoying sex, unlike women, didn’t mean a man needed to lower themselves to getting a catamite off. Unless it was to lure Shinji into temptation. To make him look forward to the next time. So even though he tensed up for a minute when Tabris started to bite at his neck, he calmed down again when the bites stayed gentle, mere touches of teeth to the skin that felt so sinful.

Because they were.

But eventually the devil would bite, would reveal its fangs, and would Shinji enjoy it then, too? Would he become so depraved that he craved this debasement?

“So is this what it will be like from now on?” he asked, because he still had some power to set terms, or something? He knew that couldn’t work: he was Tabris’ property, just like a wife was a husband’s and a son was his father’s. Just because Tabris was gentle this time, Shinji couldn’t expect him to be gentle the next, or hold him to any promise to always be gentle. Unless maybe? It was sinful for a wife to not fulfill her husband’s desires, but… No, Shinji couldn’t risk anything that might count as violating his oath by not giving Tabris whatever he wanted.

“Well,” he was told, although Tabris took a moment to hum again, and mouth at his neck, “you should have a tour today, and there should be a fitting for your new clothing scheduled for this afternoon. Even I can’t spend all day in bed. Since you’re fond of music, instruments will be found for you: I would prefer it if you practiced, but otherwise you may do as you like during the day, except during ceremonial days. Since you’re my familiar now, it makes sense to have you replace my current cup-bearer.”

So he would be in bed with Tabris, whenever Tabris was in bed, and he’d need to get good enough at the cello to not annoy the fallen angel, and then he could see if Hikari was willing to train him, even if it wouldn’t be possible for him to make friends with someone, especially not someone who was willing to become a demon.

“I,” he swallowed. “If I’m still human, do I have to keep the ears and tail?”

“You want to look human? Alright, then.” He seemed to regard it as spoiling Shinji, but did it contently enough, although he traced Shinji’s tail from base to tip, the length involuntarily flexing between his slim fingers, and caught each ear in his teeth gently before dismissing them.

Shinji shivered, glad that he didn’t feel anything else move, that there didn’t seem to be anything that didn’t belong. “Better?” Tabris asked him, and Shinji could feel the smile against the back of his neck.

“Yes,” he said, then blanched as he realized what a dangerous mistake he’d made. “Master. Thank you, Master.” He needed to remember to address his owner with the proper respect. He didn’t think that there was something about this in any etiquette manual, but those who were rude to their superiors were in for a caning. He was in for eternal torment regardless, but he didn’t want to start now.

A honeymoon, yes, that was what it was. Tabris seemed pleased with his new acquisition, but he wouldn’t stay that way. Not when Shinji wasn’t anything special. He was a coward, and stupid, and even if he looked a lot like a girl he still didn’t even make a pretty girl, not any more than he did a handsome boy. Reality was going to set in, and when it did Tabris would stop caring what Shinji wanted, or pretended to want, and start doing whatever he wanted to Shinji’s body. Shinji didn’t really care about cat ears: they were demeaning, but it wasn’t like a coward like him had any pride. He cared about bruises, welts, the marks of a beating.

He curled up a little, involuntarily, but Tabris didn’t comment, just pulled him a little closer, kept humming, kept stroking (or was it petting?) Shinji’s body lightly, gently. Shinji feigned sleep and the touches slowed, until Tabris hummed again, softly, and slipped out from between the sheets he’d pulled over Shinji’s heated body, to keep the sweat on his skin from chilling him.

Shinji didn’t remember dozing off: all he knew was that he blinked himself awake later and startled up out of bed, because if the housekeeper had made an appointment for him to have clothes made, then he would really annoy her if he missed it.

He really hoped Tabris wouldn’t mind him taking the blue silk robe that was draped on a leather chair by the fire, but there was nothing else to wear. Shinji reached for it, then hesitated. What if it was a test? To see if he’d take his Master’s robe to hide his own shame, when he had no more right to pretend virtue? But it did look like it was set out for someone, and he didn’t have anything else to wear, and wearing clothing couldn’t be banned, if Hikari was doing it, and head of the household or not she was still a servant, so hopefully he wouldn’t get in trouble for thinking that just because she had a privilege someone as lowly as him also did?

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original anime, Ritsuko was ordered to report to SEELE naked so those perverted old men could gawk at her. They know it's going to upset her and they do it partially because of that. It's very blatant that she is an object to them, there for their viewing pleasure and to be used as a tool.
> 
> SEELE is already a creepy death cult: given how they treat Ritsuko, think about how they'd act if they were a creepy Satanic cult instead. Yeah. Oh, by the way, in the second draft of Episode 24 (Anno's first rewrite - the rough draft was done by someone else on staff), it's revealed that Gendo has been having sex with Rei as a Yui substitute. The Second Draft of that episode is very worth reading for anyone trying to decipher the series. 
> 
> Eva uses nudity and inappropriate sexualization and sexual activity for shock value in order to hammer home a point, like trying to make sure sure the watcher feels the appropriate squick, very often. EoE is chock full of it.
> 
> There's also 2.22, the Reiquarium, Gendo basically whoring himself out to the Akagis so he could use 'the old hag' and Ritsuko's feelings to control them and get Yui her godhood... There's a lot of sexualization in Eva that is meant to be inappropriate, although that doesn't keep people from fetishizing scenes intended to be absolutely disgusting (the EoE hospital scene being the chief offender).
> 
> When you add a setting and premise like this to an Original Flavor like that... 
> 
> Note that in this time period in oh-so-genteel Victorian England, it was legal for a boy to marry (not just 'start having sex' but marry and gain access to sex whenever they wanted) at fourteen, which is why Tabris set that at the minimum age at which someone could sell their soul - marriage is a sacrament that involves transfer of ownership of people, so it amused him to frame the sale of souls into eternal bondage as an unholy parody of it.
> 
> Girls could be married off at twelve, which is why Asuka could make her pact and start practicing magic a couple years ago (and she would have been vulnerable to one of the other circle members hitting her with a spell to marry them or one of their sons if she hadn't pacted and Mari hadn't made arrangements). From Tabris' perspective, all humans are younger than he is, so he's going by the local culture's definition of when people are old enough to sell themselves into bondage, and also what is and is not child abuse/statutory rape.
> 
> By Victorian standards, Shinji is perfectly legal. It's just that those standards were messed up, and actually a giant step backwards: before 1823, the minimum age for marriage was 21 for men and women both.

When he found Hikari, almost babbling as he asked her if he was late and told her he was really very sorry if he was, she told him that was alright. “There’s always alchemy that needs doing around the house, and Kaji’s always happy to have an excuse to lie about the house, although I think he’ll be grateful to us for rescuing him from Asuka.”

She led him into a sunlit room where a blonde woman was sorting through rolls of fabric and casting an annoyed glance at a somewhat scruffy-looking man, who wasn’t clean shaven despite wearing the costume of a young professional about town. The costume was somewhat scruffy in an artful way, and Shinji thought it might have been even before the red-headed young woman forced him to his knees and grabbed him by his cravat.

“Asuka,” the last person in the room sing-songed. “Don’t you think it’s time to let him go? We have company.” She grinned at Shinji, who noted the cat ears in her hair, the lashing tail. Yet, despite the smile, he didn’t think this person was all that happy with what was going on? Or just what was going on when they came in.

She spun around to look at them crossly, but when she saw Hikari her expression softened, or at least she looked understanding. “Hikari.”

“Mistress Asuka.” Hikari bowed. “Mistress Asuka, this is Master Tabris’ new familiar.”

“A Keel,” she said, scowling at him.

“A Keel?” Shinji blinked, trying to look harmless. So this was the witch? And the cat had to be Mari. Who was already a demon.

“Lorenz Keel. The founder of SEELE. He funded the Katsuragi expe-but you don’t know _anything_ , do you.” Her scowl deepened. “You _might_ have gotten a chance to get Master Tabris’ favor, _entirely_ undeserved, but you’re not a man, you’re a catamite. You won’t be able to get any real power, not any more than _he_ has.” She kicked Kaji in the side.

Not all that hard, it seemed: Kaji just looked embarrassed for Asuka more than anything. That slight wince wasn’t on his own behalf. “Hi, I’m Kaji,” he said, standing up, dusting himself off and giving him a winning smile. “You’re a cute little thing, aren’t you? Why don’t we grab something from the kitchens and have tea out in the garden after we’re done here?”

“But, but I’m Master Tabris’, and I don’t think he’d want me... Unless he wants infidelity?” Shinji realized, suddenly worried. Infidelity was a sin, but jealousy was a deadly sin, so wouldn’t Tabris have it and still be upset? He looked at Hikari, hoping she would help.

“Don’t worry, Shinji,” she told him. “Kaji has sold his soul to our master, but he’s just a low-level warlock, barely a member of the Circle. He can’t demand an incubus’ services, and you’re not an incubus in training, you’re our master’s familiar. Kaji is a free agent, but that just means anyone with the authority can have him do whatever they want. In fact, our Master will probably instruct him to answer any questions you had about witches, warlocks and the powers they might have, since you’re a contractor as well as a familiar. If you want to give him any other orders, ask me what you’re allowed to command him to do. Or just ask him.”

Kaji gave him a sweeping bow, and another smile laden with that roguish charm.

“I’m Ritsuko Akagi. I’m an alchemist and also a dressmaker, when it suits our Master’s whims.” Ritsuko’s smile was more businesslike, although Shinji wondered if there was a bit of bitterness in it. “Go stand in the center of that room and drop that robe,” she said, measuring tape ready to use.

Shinji obeyed, and when she saw his blush, she said, “Modesty, shame: if you don’t lose them fast, you won’t survive the circles.” Shinji didn’t think she was saying that to help him: the bitterness was even more apparent in her voice, and she knew she was just venting her feelings. This was the voice of experience. “In fact,” she said, circling him thoughtfully. Before pinching his rear.

She went on to pinch his thighs, calves, arms, shoulders and other parts while Shinji was still standing there frozen in shock. Then she cupped her hands and put them over Shinji’s chest. “A,” she said, nodding.

“Eh,” Kaji said, “cut them for a small B. If it’s too generous, he can pad them. Too small would be annoying to redo later.”

“A?” Shinji asked, mystified.

“Breast sizes,” Ritsuko said bluntly. “What kind of young man your age doesn’t know pages of unrealistic information about breasts?”

“Catamite,” was Asuka’s assessment, tapping her foot and looking Shinji up and down with an air of absolute boredom. “Just like Hikari’s mutt. She might have picked up one with some muscle on him, unlike this _boy_ , but under his bluster he’s a pure submissive.”

Shocked that Asuka would say something like that in front of even one of the staff, Shinji turned to Hikari, only to see her nodding.

An arm was flung over his shoulder, and he found Mari sniffing his neck. “You smell like Master,” she said, and purred. “Good incubi are either extremely submissive, like you and Touji, so they can enjoy the Circle doing whatever they want to them, or extremely dominant, like me, so we can enjoy making the Circle _think_ they’re doing what _they_ want.”

“Careful,” Kaji said, amused. “You’re giving away trade secrets.”

“Says the man who serves… how many masters now?” Mari half-sang, waggling her finger at Kaji with a catlike smirk. She had whiskers, Shinji suddenly noticed, but then they vanished again.

“What can I say?” he said, spreading his hands. “I’m a man with needs.”

“And yet he still refuses to submit to me! Part of the pact I made to have a demon as my familiar," Shinji gathered this was something worth bragging about, at least in the cult's eyes, "is that I will never be taken by a man,” Asuka said proudly, hands on her hips. “So I’ll just have to take Kaji myself!”

“Both of your mothers have asked me to look after you, Asuka,” he reminded her. “You may be a full-grown witch now, but I still remember when you were a child.”

“Excuse me, _children_ ,” Ritsuko snapped, snapping her fingers in front of Mari’s face. “Hands off the merchandise. Or have you forgotten whose familiar this is?”

“Aww, but you and yours can whip up pretty costumes in a snap,” Mari teased, jumping away lightly.

“Yes, but first we need measurements and designs.” Ritsuko cracked the measuring tape like a whip, and Shinji was the one who jumped back now, not sure where the flailing end would go. “Get back here,” she told him, pointing to the spot on the ground. “Maya?!” she called, looking at a door to the right of where Shinji came in.

“Coming!” a female voice called, and another woman, older than Mari but younger than Ritsuko, ran in, carrying a stack of all different kinds of cloth.

“I need Kaji to consult with on the designs. I’m an alchemist, not a fashion plate. Anyone who can’t contribute, out!”

“Don’t look at me, I don’t wear clothes when I can possibly get away with it,” Mari said cheerfully, before jumping up towards Asuka. It was a brown cat that landed on Asuka’s shoulder.

Asuka sniffed audibly, like a high society matron, before turning away. “I’m sure Hikari, unlike some people, has important business to attend to.”

“Actually,” the girl said as she followed Asuka out the door. “I was looking forward to spending some time with you. It’s been too long since we had a chance to play a game.”

“Splendid. Have one of your minions fetch the chess set.”

Just like that, Shinji was the only person in the room not wearing clothes. Even the collared Maya was wearing a plain shift of heavy cotton, undyed except for what might be the remains of potion splashes. She smiled at him.

“She was a bright young woman, studying medicine even if they wouldn’t give her a degree in order to help people,” Ritsuko explained, following Shinji’s eyes to the collar. “So I got her before any of their damn brats did, so they could use her knowledge to pass exams. Hold out your arms,” she told Shinji, before going back to shifting the cord and rattling off letters and numbers.

“He’s going to be a cupbearer,” Kaji said, “So the full kit, outfits for all of the ceremonies to match the Master’s. Except the cupbearer regalia are all designed for a fallen angel, so you’ll need to show off the collar, whenever Tabris fits him with one.”

“And his coloring’s different. Do you have anything else obvious to contribute?” Ritsuko said, rolling her eyes down at the ground instead of up at the heavens.

“Don’t make them too much like a regular familiar’s,” Kaji cautioned her. “We can remove a little fabric later, but I don’t think the Master would give a _fallen angel’s_ post to someone he didn’t want treated with respect. If he ever decided to do something else with Shinji,” Shinji wondered what that ‘something else’ might be, “it’ll belong to a fallen angel again. You know what happens to anyone who dares to treat any of _them_ like a familiar they can command.” Seeing Shinji’s look of so much curiosity, but need for any information he could absorb, Kaji explained, “One of the inner circle lost a second son that way. The Master doesn’t want any of the old men thinking that the fallen angels are just foreign princes they can swindle out of money, power and peasants.” Because they would think that way, given half a chance. “So, bringing your mother back to life, right?”

Shinji looked down at his feet. “I’m not really any kind of noble person. I was just afraid of what my Father would do to me.”

“When your father’s Gendo Ikari, that’s called being sane, kid,” Kaji said, ruffling his hair. “All the proper clothes for a young gentleman to wear about the house and about town, so that they’ll be there if Master Tabris ever wants them, but I don’t think we’re going to need riding clothes any time soon, or hunting,” he told Maya, who nodded and made a note as Ritsuko pulled up one of Shinji’s feet. Shinji had to grab Kaji to keep his balance. “What do you do for fun?” he asked.

“I was told that I should play music, the cello and piano,” Shinji told him. “And I was going to ask if Hikari wanted any help in the kitchen?” Did Kaji think that was a good idea. “Or would Ta-Master be upset that I’m doing servant’s work?” if he wasn’t quite a servant.

“He’ll only care if any of the Circle find out and disrespect you for it,” Kaji said, clapping Shinji on the back once it was safe for Shinji to let go of him. Once again, Shinji had to flail his arms and try not to fall over. “But he’ll discipline them, not you. Master Tabris is fond of his pets, since most of you are future demons. I think the manor’s a little like a nursery to him. He’ll be pleased that you’re playing nice with the others.”

Shinji let out a sigh of relief.

“So, did you have any friends back home, a cute little thing like you?” Kaji asked him, since he’d answered Shinji’s question.

“Not really. My father didn’t want any of the servants to be familiar. At boarding school there was Kensuke, Kensuke Aida, but I don’t know what happened to him,” Shinji said, staring down at his feet, because worrying about Kensuke was enough that he couldn’t really care that Ritsuko’s hands were on his behind now.

“Kensuke Aida,” Kaji mused aloud. “I’ll look into that.” Seeing Shinji light up, so surprised, eyes bright with gratitude, he chuckled. “If that’s how you respond when someone says they’ll do you a favor, the Master’s going to have fun spoiling you.” Shinji got his hair ruffled again, and he found himself smelling Kaji’s cologne, what he thought might be the scent of a man.

Was he already having impure thoughts like that?! He’d always dreaded it before, and now Ritsuko was grabbing him and telling Maya to, “Get the ring while he’s still mostly soft.”

“Ri, ring?” Shinji stuttered, because someone gripping him like this, and a woman this time? Then he screamed and Kaji had to catch him again when she squeezed him roughly. She pulled his knees apart and did something with the metal thing Maya had handed her. Cold!

That and the clinical way she handled it getting measurements kept him from starting to get hard again until she told Kaji to, “Get him up again.”

At first, he hoped she only meant up on his feet, but then he was pulled back against Kaji’s chest and he remembered the devil’s there, even if that was skin to skin and now he was pressed against Kaji’s suitcoat, hips moving involuntarily as Kaji’s hands handled him in a way that was almost even more arousing because it was so businesslike. Kaji knew exactly what he was doing, and it didn’t bother him at all. “Heh,” Kaji said into his ear. “Even Maya thinks you’re a cute little thing.”

Then he was released into Ritsuko’s cold hands and it was almost a relief when she let go of him to go back to the desk piled with bottles and tubing, a complicated apparatus. “Drink this,” she ordered him.

He swallowed, but the golden liquid didn’t look bad, just the color of wheat. It couldn’t be beer, but who knew what some strange alchemic potion would do to him? He still drank, though, because he didn’t think refusing Ritsuko was an option.

She watched him for a second, frowned, then took out a pocketwatch. “I already tested that batch.”

“Well,” Kaji said, after tapping Shinji’s chest, “the most reasonable explanation is that the kid’s blessing included some kind of protection against alchemy. Or at least against shapeshifting. Did Tabris say anything about that?” he asked Shinji.

“I, I said I’d like it if I could look human,” Shinji said, looking down at his feet and blushing harder to see what was in the way.

“And that includes not being turned into a woman,” Ritsuko said disgustedly.

Kaji laughed. “All of us humans are pathetic to the Master, Ritsuko. It’s probably just a blanket ward against being shapeshifted. The body belongs to the Master, after all, and he wouldn’t want someone tampering with his property. Not when he’s such a cute little thing already,” Kaji said with a wink at Shinji.

“Will Mistress Ritsuko get in trouble for attempting to change Master Shinji?” Maya looked pale.

Kaji and Ritsuko glanced at each other. “If it was one of the Circle, definitely,” Kaji said with utter seriousness, looking first at Maya and then at Shinji: this was something he needed to know too. “The Master will generally accept pleas for forgiveness. Just never, ever make the mistake of thinking it’s better to beg forgiveness than ask permission, or assume that he’ll forgive you for doing what you wanted to do. That’s disrespect, and he won’t tolerate it, but,” Kaji said, smiling now. “He knows that humans are sinners, incapable of self-control. He’s not going to punish us too much for the weakness that makes us fail to live righteous lives and be willing to sell our souls to him in the first place. If humans weren’t weak creatures, he’d still be imprisoned in the ice beneath the rest of the world. The good thing about all the ways people mess up is that if we didn’t trip ourselves up, fewer of us would fall into his hands, ripe for the plucking. Just look at the Inner Circle. All the power in the world, and if they hadn’t wanted more, they would have thought better of something that meant moving up the day the world ends. Tabris has already made it clear he’s not interested in letting them take it with them.”

“Once we die we’ll, he’ll… We’ll be in hell,” Shinji said. “So it’s not that efficient to punish us now, when any minor trouble we cause him… We’ll be suffering for it later.” He knew it was true, that was how demons, no, how the world worked.”

A large, strong hand on his shoulder, and “Regretting it?” asked Kaji.

Shinji shook his head. “I’m worthless, and a coward, and… My mother was a lot better person than I am.”

Ritsuko snorted, but didn’t elaborate.

They kept measuring him, and then holding pieces of cloth up to him, by themselves or in combination, until a small girl-cat came and summoned Shinji to attend his Master in the bath. Instead of just washing him, Shinji was allowed to get in himself, and all the heat made it easy to relax, or easier than it would have been without it when Tabris put his hand over Shinji’s, covering his with it the way he must intend to cover Shinji’s body with his own, and when Shinji asked if there was anything he could do to please his Master, coaxed him to kneel with his legs on either side of Tabris’ body, while Tabris stroked him somewhere that startled Shinji. It wasn’t supposed to feel good _there_ , was it? 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinji does have a nice ass: there’s a running joke about it, and there were a lot of comments on how nicely sculpted Kaworu’s ass was on one of the Q figures. Plugsuit, fetish gear, same thing, really. SEELE are a bunch of perverted old men, and then there’s Gendo.
> 
> Also, plenty of obvious social indoctrination-type misogyny, not that Shinji is devoid of that in canon because he’s got the idea that women should be fulfilling his emotional needs, made worse by the fact that he desperately needs someone to do so and the only person who ever did was his mother. 
> 
> The incubi absolutely despise human society and its moral (as opposed to ethical) codes. This is because they used to be human, not in spite of it. However, there's a little more to what's up with the incubi and their attitudes towards sex than that. It will be explained by a character in a later chapter, but I have a fondness for using A/Ns as DVD Commentary, so I find myself wanting to point out the big difference between Hikari here and Hikari in the show and how it's rather shockingly highlighted in this chapter. Something's missing here, or rather something's been taken away, and how that affects their perception of what's going on with Shinji and Master Tabris...

The next morning, after Shinji woke up and curled up to Tabris when he saw those red eyes looking down at him with fondness that had to be a cover for his expectation, he wet his lips and asked shyly, with eyes downcast, if his Master had another lesson for him.

That was how he found himself with his head buried under Tabris’ hair, against his neck, breathing in the scent of that pale skin, hips shaking and finally yielding to the desire to thrust back against the long, thin finger inside him. His Master’s approving hum made him yield to the urge.

He, he really was enjoying it? Something so filthy, perverted, unnatural? Corrupting people and making them enjoy perversion was what devils did, but it was Shinji’s body that wanted to swallow the invading digit whole, that stopped its lustful thrusting and trembled when Tabris rubbed the circle of his hole with another finger since he wanted it inside, wanted more. Tabris still had to grasp the curve of his rear, tell him to calm himself: the devil was pleased he wanted it, but since Shinji didn’t want his body changed to accommodate such things, it would have to be trained to handle Shinji’s lusts without hurting itself, and he clung to Tabris’ shoulders even harder when he realized that the trembling was with excitement and barely-suppressed desire.

This, this was all him? No, this was what devils did, it was Tabris that was making it feel so good as another slick finger entered him, as he lost the battle to stay still and thrusted against Tabris’ stomach again, grinding needily and gasping as the last joint popped inside. A couple of testing thrusts of those paired fingers, and “Now you may please yourself, dear Shinji,” Tabris told him, and Shinji gave a couple hiccupping movements and then found his rhythm again.

“How do you feel?” the angel asked him with that false, gentle concern that was almost as seductive as the hand rubbing Shinji’s inner thigh he’d woken up to.

“I,” he wished he could say ‘I don’t know?’ but “It feels good, Master,” Shinji answered, and had to blink. He didn’t know whether the tears were because it felt so, so good or because it _shouldn’t_ and this was just more proof that he was damned. Tabris was unmanning him, training him to be a proper catamite, and was this the fate Shinji had been born for, with his weak will and womanly face? Was this why his father despised him, because he’d sensed the eager perversion lying dormant within Shinji, the lack of moral fiber that would have led him to enjoy what the older boys had planned for him, no true man but an eager little whore?

* * *

When a pink-haired older succubus led him to the exercise room, he was greeted by Hikari’s cheerful voice. “Oh, hello Shinji.”

“Should I come back later?” he said, averting his eyes from Hikari, who was on top of Touji, apron hiked up around her hips as she knelt on either side of him. He’d got a glimpse of what had to be his cock, as she raised and lowered herself upon it.

“Don’t worry, I’m nearly finished,” she said, and closed her eyes. Soft gasps and moans began to come out of her mouth, or were they resuming? Her hands reached up to tweak her breasts, and Shinji felt his cock twitch, even though he’d just recovered from spilling himself all over his master’s lean stomach. He heard a grunt of concentration and effort from Touji, but the incubus’ wings were spread out flat on the floor beneath him, and his hips weren’t even moving.

Finally Hikari cried out, and her hands slammed down onto the ground at either side of Touji’s head to keep herself from falling over. Shinji stared: was that… but she was a woman! Was it because she was becoming a demon? Finally, she lifted herself up off her mate, folding down the apron with a primness that didn’t suffer from the fact that Shinji had just watched her debauch herself, back to being the kind and professional manager of the household. Touji whimpered theatrically and dared to reach after her but “No,” Hikari said strictly. “I want you all ready to go later. Mari hasn’t had any real cock since when she last visited.”

“You know she can take it or leave it.”

“Yes, but she’s our friend, and you want to give her a good time, don’t you?” she said, folding her arms before turning to Shinji with a smile. “Kaji said you wanted to learn how to cook?”

Shinji nodded shyly. “I want to be useful, if you’ll let me.” He didn’t want to just sit around all day. If he was doomed to be lost to the deadly sin of lust, then he should work harder to avoid sloth too. He hid a wince when he heard the voice inside him reminding him that he was already damned, and deserved what was going to happen to him because he’d turned away from God and he was worthless and a coward who knew he couldn’t survive on the streets and was even more scared of what would have happened if he’d refused and his father _hadn’t_ killed him as a sacrifice right then and there than of dying after refusing the devil’s temptations and maybe having his own chance to go to Heaven.

“Well,” Touji said, finally registering Shinji’s presence. “Better make sure you have at least enough muscle to handle washing dishes. And laundry is _murder_. But,” he quipped, “don’t think you can replace the butter churn: that’s my job.”

“You know all about using a large stick,” Hikari said, leaning back and kissing him on the cheek as Touji nimbly sprang to his feet. “See you later, dear.”

“See you at Mari’s, Mistress Hikari.” Had he borrowed that sweeping bow from Kaji? When she left and the incubus turned to Shinji, he folded his wings behind him and crossed his arms over his abs. “Stand on the other practice mat, and let’s see what you got.”

Touji walked around him, poking various bits. At least it was better than Shinji had. Finally he cupped Shinji’s rear and rubbed it. “You’ve got a _nice_ ass,” he told him.

Shinji blushed. “Thanks?” What did you say to that? Since he was, well, a kept woman if not a lady of the night, he didn’t really have a right to be modest, and Ritsuko’s words, that he needed to lose his modesty, echoed in his head.

“Good curves on you, but we’ll have to build up a little muscle under them, so you can hold positions without getting uncomfortable, keep toys inside of you, that kind of thing.”

Shinji blushed and Touji laughed. “The Master’s kind of vanilla, but it’s good to have the option, you know? There’s a lot of fun stuff you can do. Even without asking him to change your shape.”

Fun? Sex was fun? Well, it was, that was the temptation of it, the debauchery, like drinking was supposed to be fun, but someone like a jock talking about it like it was hunting, or an afternoon’s sport? Then Shinji realized that that _was_ how the upperclassmen talked about it, especially bragging about all the doxies they’d tumbled while they were on break at home or visiting London. Except Shinji wasn’t a young nobleman, even if only by his father’s marriage to his mother. Not anymore. Now he was one of those doxies. So was Touji? But Hikari was the woman, right? “Is it okay if I ask something?” he said.

“Sure.” Touji nodded. “You’re our Master’s familiar. The more you know, the better, and we’re all here to help you out too, now. What’s up?” he asked, coming around to Shinji’s front.

“Hikari, it looked like she was enjoying what you did.”

“And you’re wondering if that was some incubus magic, something you can learn to give the Master a better time?” Touji guessed. “Women can orgasm too. Seriously,” he said when Shinji’s jaw dropped. “ _They_ only say women can’t since they’re too lazy and selfish to let the women enjoy it. The bastards only care about getting what they want, and fucking over everyone else: women, the poor here, the poor bastards in other countries… Lots of people did whatever they wanted to both of us, before we got scooped up off the streets for sacrifices. Not one of them bothered to even try not to hurt her, and only a couple of my johns bothered to get me off. Not that I was ever in the mood, with those rough bastards. Now the _only_ person I don’t get myself off with is Hikari, and that’s only because she makes sure it’s even better for me later.”

Like sex was supposed to be something between husband and wife? Shinji thought. But if they were incubi, then maybe it was the lack of sex that was _only_ something for that special person? Tabris had always made sure Shinji enjoyed himself, and even though Shinji _knew_ how strange and perverted that was, the reminder of what was normal still came as something like a shock. That the devil was so much kinder than the other boys would have been. (Or at least he was pretending to be, Shinji fought to remember.)

“The Master said once that he commented that young people like Hikari and me, who sinned just trying to survive and feed our families made good sacrifices, just so those old bastards would grab us off the streets before some of the other bastards out there killed us for kicks.”

Touji leaned forward and stabbed Shinji in the chest with a finger for emphasis, thankfully curling it back a little to spare Shinji the claw. “ _And_ he let me bring my sister here and fixed her legs, _and_ had Sahaquiel track down Hikari’s sisters, since a pimp grabbed them while she was gone. The Master may be a devil, but don’t you dare look down on him. He doesn’t often let people stay in his bed, not after the first night. Now that Mari’s gone, none of us were having much luck seducing him, getting him to let us pay him back for everything he’s done for us. So you’re going to give him _everything_ you can get him to take, got it? You’re going to exercise, and train, and make damn sure that you’re making him feel damn good, you got me? Any of us here would slit a few dozen throats over an altar to be our Master’s familiar, and you got it just because the Master thought it was a miracle that _Gendo Ikari_ was capable of loving anyone, when he’s as bad as the rest of the old men, and because you’re not a complete bastard even though you come from a family of bastards that’s had _thousands_ of people sacrificed since before the Master even woke up. _We_ love him, and _you_ just lucked out, and I want to punch you in the face for that. But I’m going to have to settle for training you, and training you _hard_ , so you don’t let us all down. You got me?”

Shinji nodded quickly. “Yessir,” he squeaked.

* * *

It was an hour before Shinji was rescued by another messenger, this one a boy, but Touji said that they’d be spending _two_ hours a day almost every day from now on, and Shinji was only getting to take it easy today because there was a ceremony later.

The messenger led him outside, and Shinji blinked first at the sunlight, and then at what he saw.

There was a shallow marble pool in the courtyard, with a fountain, but it wasn’t like any pool he’d ever seen and Shinji might have wondered at the odd, sloping design and taken a moment to realize it was like a birdbath if the bird wasn’t in it now.

Tabris’ wings were as white as his skin and his hair. Weren’t fallen angels supposed to be stripped of their wings? Shinji felt they should be batlike like Touji’s, or at least the feathers should be charred black, but then Tabris turned to smile at him in greeting and Shinji was struck by the rightness of the image, as alien and ethereal as it was.

So this must be how God made him. The most beautiful of all the angels.

Tabris couldn’t be anyone else, no lesser angel. Not when he was glorious enough to make Shinji’s breath catch in his throat. He could only be Lucifer himself.

He beckoned Shinji to his side, and it was impossible to do anything else. Like gravity. _A moth to the flame_ , Shinji realized, his groin tightening, because he’d been around Touji, naked and erect, for an hour, and Tabris was also naked, although the drape of those wings hid most of his flesh as he lay with his head pillowed on his arms at the edge of the bath.

He smiled up at Shinji. “Do you like them?”

“They’re glorious,” was the word, a reflection of the glory of god.

“They take forever to preen,” Tabris said, reaching up. Shinji knew now to duck his head, so Tabris could pet his hair and let Shinji kiss the back of his hand. “And they limit what I can wear, not to mention that doorways become irritating very quickly. But I’ll try to take them out for you sometimes, if you’re willing to help them preen.”

Shinji nodded, looking at the three bath attendants. One of them handed him a bottle of oil and a brush. “Just do what we do,” he was told.

A flash of resentment in the eyes of the one working on the end of Tabris’ left wing: were people really jealous of him, that he got to be the devil’s familiar and share his bed? Were the incubi competing to catch Tabris’ eye and sate his lusts before Shinji was brought here by his father?

“ _It’s not like I want to be here_ ,” he might have said, if he wasn’t certain he’d end up getting that punch from Touji, if not ambushed, dragged into a closet and beaten within an inch of his life. The pink haired one, who had served as his escort somewhere recently: he thought she really hated him.

The fear that gripped him and made him draw in his shoulders was familiar, a reminder of how he’d lived for years, unwanted and afraid of the loss of whatever toleration was making them give him a roof over his head, even though his father hated him and his classmates could all see that he was worthless just as easily as his father. Except Kensuke.

Had he suffered like that because he was kind to Shinji? Because Gendo hated his son?

“What’s wrong?” Tabris asked, pushing himself up, wings dragging in the water and sending a ripple against Shinji’s knees.

Shinji shook his head: it was nothing, nothing worth bothering with, Shinji wasn’t worth bothering with, not when there was something that needed taking care of and that was always more important than Shinji.

The chest he was pulled to was cooler than it usually was, heat stolen by the evaporation of the water that covered it, but Shinji still felt warm. He couldn’t remember anyone else wrapping their arms around him like this before, except maybe his mother in the mists of some memory, but Tabris did it every morning and night now, and it made something inside Shinji want to relax, long to let go, because for the first time there was someone there to catch him.

“There now,” said the fallen angel coaxingly. “Don’t cry.” Was Shinji crying? “No one who’s wronged you can touch you here. No one here will harm you.” Did Tabris really believe it? Couldn’t it see that of course people would always have reason to hurt Shinji, since that was what he deserved? If he wasn’t worth hating, if he didn’t deserve it, then his own father wouldn’t hate him. “I would wrap my wings around you, but you’d end up soaked to the bone. They’re very heavy like this. Next time, if there is a next time you’re this sad, I’ll wrap them around you, wrap you up in softness and silk.”

Shinji shook his head: ‘ _Let go of me_ ,’ he wanted to say. Because even though this was the devil, just being held made Shinji feel _safe_ , and even though feeling safe should make him feel better, should make him calm the hell down and regain his composure, being safe made him want to cry all the more.

Pathetic. Weak.

The devil was only pretending to care, he had to be, and some part of Shinji was so desperate for someone to care that it would buy anything. That it responded to any hint that someone might care with tears, because it was desperate for someone to care, someone to help. Wanted to scream his weakness in disgusting blubbering instead of hide it away (children should be seen and not heard) because he was pathetic and needed someone to hear his cries and help him. Needed someone to want to help.

Kisses to his forehead, his cheek, the line of his jaw. Not open-mouthed or playful nibbles, but presses of lips, gentle nudges that told Shinji’s heart that _someone was here_ , someone wanted to come in, cared enough to stand there and wait for Shinji to let him in, and he let out another sob, half longing and half fear. He was weak, and he wanted to let someone, anyone in, it didn’t matter if they abused and laughed at him because everyone did, but he wanted, wanted to believe that it was possible for someone, anyone, to be different. To touch him and give him warmth without hurting him. To wake up in the morning and be happy to see him there, even if it was only like someone with a pet.

Once he let Tabris in, the devil was a _devil_. Of course he wouldn’t be kind to Shinji when no human ever had. Even his mother had left him. So once he let Tabris in, that was when the devil would start hurting him, he realized.

Because for now, he was being lured, being tricked into hoping. It would hurt so much when those hopes were dashed.

If he came to love Tabris, even though he _knew_ better, then when the torture inevitably started?

The pain of having the person he loved torture him? Smiling and savoring his screams the way he savored Shinji’s startled gasps of pleasure now? It would hurt all the more for every second now that Tabris held him, that the devil tricked Shinji’s body into wanting to open his heart and spread his legs for the devil himself.

Shinji wished he could hate him for it, and he did, but he could feel the pull of inevitability and his own weakness as Tabris kissed at his tears and ran a hand down Shinji’s back, as Shinji’s kneeling legs pulled apart and pushed forward to wrap around the fallen angel, to push forward into one hand and rub back against the other, eager for any scrap of comfort he could get. For the slow, gentle strokes and careful touches that gradually replaced suppressed sobs with repressed moans.

Tabris, Tabris was capable of making the pain go away.

When he chose not to, when he chose to inflict pain instead, when his response to Shinji’s cries wasn’t a soft frown and attempts to reassure him and give him warmth and pleasure but fanged smiles, it would break Shinji a million times over, until the end of days.

Tabris washed Shinji carefully with a cloth after Shinji’s release, grooming him as the attendants moved around them to preen Tabris’ wings, the wings that arched overhead and Shinji longed to feel enclosed by them, as though Tabris was the dome of the heavens, the entire world, and no!

But he was too tired and sated and cynical to try to run. He knew it wouldn’t do any good.

“Will you be up to the ceremony tonight?” Tabris wondered, mostly to himself, the murmurs on the edge of Shinji’s hearing. “Kaji brought me such a cute little Ganymede costume for you. I would like to see you wear it, even if you can’t kneel at my side this evening.”

If he wasn’t useful, Shinji knew, then Tabris would show his true, demonic self sooner, but even though he should want that, he didn’t want the pain (coward, he was a coward, running away from reality) so he clung tighter to him and said, “I’ll do it,” even as the warmth lingered in his worn-out limbs. Maybe it was that pleasant delirium after the little death that made him lean up to kiss the corner of his master’s mouth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm picking up the Shinji Ikari Detective Diary in hopes Dark Horse will also localize the Petit Eva manga, which is on excellent crack. I'm not quite sure that Kaworu and Shinji are as canon there as they are in the anime and Sadamoto manga, since it doesn't get much more canon than both people stating that they love the other person (Kaworu/Shinji is specifically there in the deliberately chosen text, not subtext that might be accidental - not to mention that you don't go out of your way to have a Boy's Love specialist write your first draft and then publish the two draft versions in a Boys Love magazine since that's where they belong if that's not the genre you're going for), but there's a lot of Shinji looking at Kaworu with hearts floating around his head and such.
> 
> ...Oh, by the way, have you heard that they made official Kaworu/Shinji wedding rings? Nothing at all like that for Asuka, Rei or Mari, obviously. Only Kaworu, since Kaworu and Shinji are the only canon pair with canon mutual love confessions, even if anime!Shinji told Misato that he loved Kaworu and manga!Shinji told the reader. Kaworu died before they confessed to him, and now the new Q ending theme, which is the response from Shinji to Kaworu's Beautiful World, has the line 'I haven't told you anything yet.'
> 
> Kaworu saying in Q that they'll meet again, Shinji (or at least Hikaru Utada's version, which would have been approved by Gainax) following that up by saying 'I haven't told you anything... yet.' Who's looking forward to 4.0? Because so far Rebuild 'verse is the only one of the three main 'verses without mutual love confessions, meaning that it's the only verse in the anime/manga/movie triad where Kaworu/Shinji isn't explicit canon yet... except they already confirmed that Kaworu is timelooping to make Shinji happy, which is even more romantic, that devotion over the vastness of time, than the other versions. It would be quite silly to dial up the romance in Rebuild 'verse and advertise Q focusing on the two of them together instead of on the giant robots (the Q movie poster comparing them to the Tanabata lovers, red earbuds to signify the red string of fate...) and then make Rebuild the only main verse where Kaworu/Shinji isn't explicitly stated canon.

The Ganymede costume reminded him of the silk sheets pooling around his hips: the fabric was a little heavier, but it still made him twitch and think of bed. At least the folds would hide his arousal, if being stared at by people at a satanic mass didn’t make him go limp with fear.

Tabris was also draped in something more like the fantasies of Renaissance painters than a toga out of Shinji’s Latin textbooks. It left his back bare for the wings.

He seated himself upon the divan at the focus of the room first, although it was less seated and more sprawled, with an air that proclaimed utter lack of care for anything but his own comfort. The inner dignity of those who had no need to feign dignity. “My children would usually stand there, but it might be easier for you to kneel, Shinji,” he said thoughtfully as he beckoned his familiar forward. “Hikari brought a cushion: will you try it and be sure to tell me if your knees need something thicker?”

“It’s much thicker than the ones on the pews,” Shinji said. Thick, lush: meant for comfort instead of austerity. “I don’t really remember, but this isn’t the room I was in before, is it?” he wondered, looking up as Tabris sat up and stretched his wings, the downbeat sending a breeze wafting through the room, disturbing Shinji’s hair and some of the wall hangings.

“That room is for sacrifices and compacts,” Tabris told him, smiling down at Shinji before settling his wings around himself again. “The sale of souls the Circle considers important. This ceremony is just the full moon: they’ll petition me now, try to make bargains, then the prices will be paid on the next dark of the moon, or the agreed-upon time. No bargains should be made tonight, although they will have to offer sacrifices in order to earn the right to have me listen to their petty desires at all. Even so, you shouldn’t need to do anything but sit there, watch and listen. If you tire, Shinji, feel free to rest your head on the divan.” He tapped a part of the cushion of his throne near Shinji’s head. “If I do call you forward, walk in front of them and hold out the cup to their lips. Don’t lean down to give it to them, or kneel. It’s possible that someone may be fool enough to try to snatch the cup: Ramiel will strike them down if they dare, so don’t try to keep it from them if they try to strike you, just get back. I don’t want you hurt.” He reached out a little to stroke Shinji’s head. “You can keep your eyes closed, if you’re worried that your nervousness may show. At midnight, the humans will be told to leave, and I’ll hold court for my children. Ramiel will take the Grail from you and escort you out.”

“So just kneel here and be quiet, unless you tell me to let them drink from the cup, until it’s time to go?”

Tabris nodded as one of the incubi, also in Grecian clothing (if not much of it) handed him a crown, woven of ivy and small lilies. “Lift your head,” he told Shinji, and when Shinji pushed himself up a bit, he placed it on Shinji’s head. “There,” he said, smiling with inner satisfaction. “Lily of the valley, bound in ivy. If they fail to treat you with the respect that merits, I’ll make them eat it. It won’t kill them,” he said to Shinji, looking apologetic. “Most of them have bargained for no poison to slay them, and I’ve given you the same protection. But they’ll miss the rest of the ceremony, and likely be laid up in bed for a week if they don’t have an alchemist.”

“And if they lay a hand on him?” a woman’s voice asked from the front of the room. As she walked forward, her black wings separated themselves from the tapestry behind her. Her skin, her eyes: another fallen angel?

“Strike them down with lightning, Ramiel,” Tabris told her. “Whether they survive attacking one of mine in my own hall will be up to the bargains they’ve made with the both of us.” Nothing more. No mercy that hadn’t already been paid for, not for the likes of them.

Paid for in what coin? Shinji wondered. Touji and Hikari seemed to like the way things were, but what of the other kind of sacrifices his father had talked about? Blood on the altar? “Excuse me, Master?”

“Yes?” Tabris asked, turning back to him, the smile shared with the other fallen angel replaced with gentle concern.

No, Shinji couldn’t ask about the ones who just died. If their souls went to hell. If, no, _that_ they were tortured. He knew the truth behind the devil’s smiles, but he shrank from the reminder. “So there shouldn’t be anything but people talking?”

“Yes, provided they behave,” Tabris said. “There are orgies: they seem to feel that a satanic cult isn’t much use without orgies.” His smile was lightly mocking while Ramiel looked more disgusted. “But those are on the quarter moons, and you won’t need to attend them for awhile.” ‘For awhile’ wasn’t the same as never, Shinji knew, and thought of being pulled up onto that divan, of a warm hand sliding up under this toga, of putting his hands on Tabris’ firm chest and lowering his body down onto him, like Hikari and Touji.

Such filthy, perverted thoughts! Was it really corruption when he learned to crave penetration in less than two days? If two fingers alone could make him feel so full, teach him to crave that fullness, then what must a devil’s cock be like?

The devil continued, hopefully unaware of Shinji’s thoughts, of his horrible desire to push back the folds of white silk that covered that part of Tabris and beg for the devil to do disgusting things to his too-eager body. “This is a business meeting, and the majority of the Circle are businessmen, even if they’ve all bargained for youth and vigor. They’ll take their entertainment in their own townhouses: if time was used up at this meeting by such goings-on, more of them would have to wait until the next new moon to petition me.”

A laugh. “They call themselves nobility, but they’re nothing but tradesmen, dickering over souls and spells. They’re rather horrible excuses for humans: everyone who will be here was damned long before I met them, except for Asuka’s stepmother. She was another of their victims, rather like you. She still deals with me for power, like Asuka’s mother before her, since it’s the only way to avoid the rest of them taking her down, although she’s less of a target because she didn’t slay her captor: Asuka’s mother did that. But I won’t bore you with their disgusting little sins: you’ll hear more than enough of them tonight. You seem to think that there’s no nobility in your spirit: after tonight you’ll know why I turned down your father’s soul, but thought yours a prize.” Red eyes smiled down at him fondly. “Your humility is adorable, but you’re not the only sacrifice who thought they were worthless. You aren’t. Far too many of the people in this world are incapable of putting another before themselves. Their souls leap into my hands: ones like yours are far rarer gems, worth keeping, worth polishing.”

Flattery was part of the devil’s stock in trade: Shinji knew that, but “No one has ever said such kind things to me,” he said, ducking his head to hide the blush. It wasn’t fair for Tabris to start doing it now, when Shinji didn’t know how to deal with it, hadn’t learned any defenses against it.

“I say them because I like you, and you deserve to hear them,” Tabris said, and reached out an arm for him. “Come up and sit with me,” he offered. “There’s no need for you to tire your knees out before anyone’s due to arrive.”

Shinji let himself take Tabris’ arm, since he was definitely the woman in the relationship, even if Tabris bothered to make him feel good in bed. At least being courtly to him was normal? At least Shinji thought so? He wondered if his father was courtly to his mother. It was hard to imagine him being kind to anyone, caring about anyone.

* * *

At least he still wanted to meet with her, although Ritsuko wasn’t under any illusions that he missed her. Not when he had _her_ back.

As she was ushered into Sir Gendo’s study, Maya at her side dressed primly as a chaperone, she should have felt a little relieved that she wasn’t going to be bent over that desk, not when Maya would have to stand there watching, ignored. The familiars were furniture, even more so than ordinary servants. Ritsuko should have some pity for the young woman who loved her.

She shouldn’t feel bitter, that Gendo’s heart belonged to another. It always had. But at least she’d been able to get sex out of the man until now, and he was very skilled in bed.

The alchemist hid a grimace at the thought that it was Yui who trained her familiar up right.

He was her familiar again: here in Gendo’s private study, his starched collar was loosened enough to reveal his Mistress’ collar. That was calculated, knowing Gendo. Hell, knowing Grandmaster Keel, since the rumors that spilled from Kaji’s chattering lips had it that the apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree at all.

How a pair of vipers had produced a meek little thing like Shinji… No, she realized. That was skill. They’d wanted a meek, broken little thing, eager to please. That was why Gendo seduced her in the first place, since judging from Ritsuko’s mother’s notes, Gendo wasn’t having her work on whatever alchemical project he’d needed the senior Akagi for. He wanted news of the Circle, but not just them. News of Tabris’ household, of the incubi the devil favored and who among the Circle he found tiresome for their arrogance (all of them).

Grooming the boy as a sacrifice, so desperate to please.

“How is the boy?” Gendo asked her when she entered.

The room was dark, the only illumination a candle on Gendo’s desk that cast flickering shadows on his face, already hidden behind tinted glasses (he had weak eyes that didn’t handle bright light well) and folded hands.

“Alive. Sane.” Here she was, and instead of asking how she was doing, his first thought was for a boy he’d never loved, a possession he’d sold to a new master? “He didn’t embarrass himself at his first ceremony in any way that would spill over onto you: they think he’s a meek little thing.”

From the flash of disgust in Gendo’s eyes, that was his assessment of Shinji too. Why was Ritsuko stating the obvious? “When will he be sent elsewhere?”

“At this rate? Never.” Gendo _had_ heard that Shinji was made cupbearer, and Tabris’ familiar? Of course he would have. “Tabris let your boy spend the first night in his bed, which is not rare, but Shinji has returned every night since. He didn’t even kick him out last night, but had Hikari and her familiar calm down the new sacrifices the next morning instead.”

Why did Gendo look displeased? It would have been impossible for most people to tell, since Gendo was permanently disgusted with the world, but Ritsuko had known him in the carnal sense for years. “You are dismissed,” he told her.

Ritsuko frowned viciously, but she was too annoyed by that kind of treatment to want to stay in his presence a minute more (or was that just what she was telling herself?). She swept out without even saying goodbye, Maya opening the door for her so she didn’t have to bow to Gendo to make up for Ritsuko’s rudeness as her mistress left.

Fuyutsuki was ready with Ritsuko’s coat. “Have a safe trip, Dr. Akagi,” he said, using the title she wasn’t entitled to outside of the Circle and its secrets. The title he’d had before Yui Keel thought it would be amusing to have a professor as one of her servants: had needing to fake obedience to a mere outsider as well as her father grated too much on her? Had she broken his mind the way everyone knew she’d wanted to break her father’s, if only she could find some way to win enough of Tabris’ favor that she could get enough power to do it?

* * *

By the time Ritsuko was down in the lower hall, the gaslight had been turned on in Gendo’s echoing study. There was no furniture in here save his desk to make it easier for diagrams to be drawn on the floor and whatever ritual equipment might be needed to be moved in.

“Well?” Yui demanded.

He hid a wince.

“I am _not pleased_ , Gendo. I only had that boy in the first place as a sacrifice, so I can’t blame you for realizing that.” But she wanted to. “I need him back, familiar.”

Neither of them spared a glance for the corner where Rei stood with blank eyes.

“We don’t have enough time left before the sixteenth birthday for me to have another one that would be acceptable,” Yui continued. “And I have no interest in incapacitating myself again for that long. Not when I’ve already missed so much time because you couldn’t think of any better ideas than letting me stay dead that long and throwing away such an important piece!”

Gendo knew that as well as she did. The old men had their timetable, and he’d traded away an important part of Yui’s plan to spike their wheels.

Damn that boy! How dare he matter to her, even if only as a sacrifice? How dare he be part of a plan Gendo hadn’t been allowed to learn anything about, since what he didn’t know the Circle couldn’t extract from him? Gendo’s participation had never been required, only his obedience and his intelligence. At least he’d screwed up by the numbers, but with one more day gone by and no progress towards reacquiring the boy, he’d be punished again tonight.

Another day since her return, and he still hadn’t been allowed to please his mistress, only serve as a receptacle and watch as she pleased herself.

That damn Fuyutsuki was gloating behind that craggy face of stone, he knew it!

* * *

“Kaji,” Misato said, finishing her drink and putting her head down on the hotel’s table, “I didn’t need to know that.”

“Well,” he said in his defense, “It’s the most interesting thing that’s happened in years.”

“You’re right,” she admitted, “I did need to know about it. Putting the Holy Grail in a human’s hands, even if only during the ceremonies. _Him_ having a familiar who’s related to the most dangerous members of the Circle and didn’t even know about them until now.” A somewhat-innocent. “Someone in that household besides you who doesn’t worship either Tabris or themselves.” Like Kaji. “That boy… Shinji? If you can recruit him, we might be able to use him to get holy water to that devil, or…” Misato’s tactical skill failed her. “But you didn’t need to tell me that that devil was having sex with someone morning, noon and night _in my father’s body.”_

It wasn’t that Kaji had forgotten that, he thought as Misato groaned. It was just that there had never been any signs of Father Katsuragi’s presence. He might have tried to say that Misato’s father probably wasn’t still in there, forced to have a ringside seat to the debauchery, but if Misato’s father’s soul wasn’t still in his body, then given the fact that the Father _had_ made a bargain with Tabris, the only place he could otherwise be was dragged down to hell.

As long as the former priest, defrocked and cast out of his order when he not only had an illegitimate child but wanted to acknowledge it and marry the mother in addition to continuing his scientific researches, was still in there, it was possible for an exorcism to succeed, for Misato to get her father back.

It wasn’t that Kaji didn’t want her to have him back, but Misato wasn’t his only employer, and a nest of demons in England, giving power to sorcerers who might not have used it to overthrow the government (not so far, at least) but certainly weren’t above placing spells on government officials, to control them or ruin them?

Moreover, Keel was a German, one of Great Britain’s rivals, and the Circle admitted members from all over Europe. He was _not_ using Tabris’ power in the best interests of the British Crown.

Kaji might be willing to defer to Misato, but in the eyes of their paymasters, he was obviously the one in charge and the woman was simply a witness to the early history of the cult, useful for studying Tabris and determining if it might be possible to make use of him or any of the other demons that subordinated themselves to him. Once the cult was out of the way.


	7. Chapter 7

There was already a piano in the music room when Shinji was finally shown to it: the first couple of days he’d been kept too busy for someone to schedule him time for practice, and he still hadn’t had that full tour of the grounds. It was Hikari who finally brought him here, helpfully pointing out how to get here from the kitchen, greenhouse garden where the birdbath was and wing where the ceremonies were held as well as Tabris’ rooms. “I know that the Master plays the piano,” she told him. “Because Master and Mistress Israfel wanted to sing for him, so he accompanied them.

Shinji couldn’t stay long, since he was on the way back from his first day helping Hikari in the kitchens and he needed to bathe. He definitely couldn’t have touched any of the instruments, when his clothes were still a little damp. At least his hands were freshly scrubbed, but he was only wearing trousers and a rough shirt, like a boy in the fields instead of a house servant. He couldn’t be seen in these, much less sit down at an instrument wearing them.

Two days after that, it was Tabris that brought him down to the music room, after wrapping a cloth of red silk around Shinji’s eyes. Shinji had expected, when he woke up to be greeted by a smiling Tabris holding up that cloth for him, that he was going to stay in bed for another hour. His Master had done it before, touched Shinji while Shinji tried not to shiver because he couldn’t _see_ , trying to suppress the fear  as instead of bows, kisses and caresses rained down on his helpless body, wrists and ankles also tied up with long silk scarves attaching them to the distant posts of Tabris’ large bed.

The way he’d relaxed scared him even now. That after a few minutes of those caresses, some fool part of him had thought ‘he’s not going to hurt me,’ and calmed. There was no hoping that the devil would stop, only the hunger for more touches, and when Tabris unbound one of his feet the relief wasn’t that part of him was free to defend himself and it might be over soon, but that it meant Tabris wanted more access to Shinji’s body.

He hadn’t cried out for the demon to let him go: no, he’d craved physical release. More touches, more debauchery, more sin, and when it was finally over, when the knots were undone, he’d pressed himself up against Tabris and pressed a kiss to his chin, pressed his hands to that chest, because the worst thing about what was just done to him was that he hadn’t been able to touch his Master. He’d wanted not to get away, but to return the pleasure he was being given. He’d whined and opened his mouth hungrily like a baby bird, craving kisses, and when he felt familiar lips touch his own? When Tabris was kind enough to give him what he wanted?

He’d felt grateful. So grateful, for the gentleness, and it was impossible to remember that Tabris was a demon. That he was only being gentle now so it would hurt more later.

Because Shinji already longed for his gentleness. He would miss it so much when it was taken away. Maybe that was part of why he was so greedy for it. He knew that Tabris wouldn’t keep lying so wonderfully forever.

When he saw the cloth this morning, he sat up so Tabris could bind it around his eyes, after kissing both of them, and then began to lie back down, to make it easier to tie his limbs, but, “Come, sit on the side of the bed,” Tabris said, pulling gently at one of Shinji’s hands.

Tabris left the bed when Shinji’s bare legs dangled over the sides, and touched Shinji’s ankles. Shinji held his feet still obediently, and his eyes widened behind the blindfold when Tabris put on Shinji’s slippers.

Then he took Shinji’s hand again, to help him stand up. “Careful of the drop,” he warned him, because Tabris’ bed was much higher off the ground than Shinji’s cot at the boarding school, thanks to the thickness of the mattress.

Shinji shouldn’t have felt disappointed when Tabris asked him to hold out his arms and instead of doing something more exotic, he slipped Shinji’s arms into the sleeves of the white dressing gown with silver embroidery that Tabris wore sometimes.

He coaxed Shinji out into the hall, carefully helped him make it down the stairs, and Shinji should have felt nervous. Not just because he was being led somewhere by a devil, but because he was walking blind and could have knocked his foot into something, or tripped, but he was in Tabris’ careful hands and he wasn’t afraid, even though he should be. Even though for the sake of his own sanity he had to be. Had to remember what Tabris was, what would happen to Shinji once he died.

But eventually they stopped, eventually Tabris raised Shinji’s hand to his lips and kissed it, then kissed the blushes on Shinji’s cheeks, and he could feel that silver hair brush his face, feel that familiar warmth. Catch the scent of him, a scent like the sea, one that meant pleasure, warmth, kindness… home.

He, he was falling in love, Shinji realized, struck with dread that couldn’t even dim the besotted smile on his face as Tabris left him, not far, just far enough to open a door and lead him inside.

The devil stood behind Shinji and carefully untied the cloth.

A cello.

It looked a fine instrument, even finer than Shinji’s mother’s. Although hers must have looked better before it was placed in the hands of a clumsy boy, even though he’d tried not to damage it. Learning it, learning to be like her in some small way was the only thing it seemed that his father wanted him to do.

This was a gift, a princely gift, something just for him and it wasn’t even anywhere near Shinji’s birthday.

He should, he should think of it as part of his job, something Tabris wanted him to learn how to play so he could provide more entertainment, accompaniment for the piano, but all he could think to say was, “I’m not very good.” Not so that Tabris would expect him to be terrible instead of punishing him for it, but because he didn’t want his master to be disappointed.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Tabris said, hugging him from behind. “It’s my fault you haven’t been able to practice since you got here. I asked them to find you an instrument, but I should have made it a higher priority.”

Shinji shook his head, because no, he was no high priority. Getting him something like this shouldn’t be urgent at all.

Was Tabris going to ask him to play something for him now, when Shinji was so horribly out of practice? He’d drop the bow! He’d forget every note! It would be like, like, no, far worse than any stage fright. Like someone tongue-tied in front of their crush. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Tabris. He didn’t want Tabris to look at him with disappointment. With contempt. It would hurt so much, make him shrink away and want to die.

It would be torture, so, he knew, one day he would see those looks in those wine-red eyes. Tsking over how Shinji couldn’t even cry and scream right, when his voice was hoarse from hours of torture, torture that would never stop, eternal torment. No hope that Tabris would smile for him, happy to see Shinji instead of Shinji’s agony, ever again.

Just thinking about it made him weak in the knees, and Tabris helped him to the chair that was there for him to sit in while he played, and asked him what was wrong, and all Shinji could do was shake his head, ache inside when Tabris touched his cheek, gently trying to get Shinji to look at him (instead of away, like a coward), to tell him what was wrong.

All Shinji could do was shake his head.

“Shinji?” Tabris said coaxingly.

“I’m, I’m just happy,  Master,” he said, and it was terrifying how easy it was to play the besotted girl. How true it was. “You found this for me, because you thought I was good enough that it was worth listening to me play, but I’m not that good, Master. I’m not.” He was going to let him down, and his shoulders hunched in, anticipating the blows. Remembering them.

“Oh, Shinji… That’s what practice is for. Doing it over and over again, until it sounds good to you. My Israfel wanted me to accompany them when they sang for me, so I had to teach myself how to read the music, and which key was which. I’m fairly good at it by now, or at least Makoto doesn’t look so annoyed anymore, but Cecelia said she liked that I was trying, and I think… If you wanted to play for me, if you wanted to try to create something beautiful for me to listen to, I would be very happy just with that.”

Tabris said such wonderful things, and it wasn’t _fair_. How was Shinji supposed to remember that it was all lies, from the Prince of them, when he wanted it to be real? He wanted it to be real so much he really would sell his soul for it, if his soul was still his own.

He was more than a little in love, no, he had fallen completely for the person Tabris pretended to be, he admitted to himself. How long before he let himself forget the reality, believe the lie, because he wanted it so much? Needed it so much he flung himself up against Tabris’ chest, wishing that chest wasn’t covered by a coat of black velvet brocade?

Thinking that he could open that coat, could sink to his knees, could take Tabris a good way into his mouth now, although he still had to be careful of choking. He knew how to use his hands on what he couldn’t fit into his mouth yet, but right now his mouth was occupied with his Master’s, so happy that Tabris responded to the press of Shinji’s lips, was kissing him thoroughly now. Shinji’s knees had gone weak again, but the strong arms around him held him up until Tabris finally set him down again into the chair, desperate for air and with a hungry ache between his legs

Shinji panted, trying to catch his breath, but as soon as he had he slid down further onto the ground and opened up the coat in front of him. He had to please Tabris, he had to show his thanks for the gift. He had to be a good servant. If he pleased his master, then his master wouldn’t grow bored with pretending to be so kind to Shinji. The longer Shinji went without screwing up, the longer Tabris would stay _his_ Tabris, his Master who was so kind to him.

He was such a coward, he was so terrified of losing that, and it was so cruel of Tabris to torture him like this. He wanted to hate him, he wished he could hate him, but that gentleness unmanned him.

The voice saying “Shinji?” when he dropped to his knees, wondering if Shinji was ill, and then the hand that touched his head when he opened Tabris’ coat, not pulling him forward demandingly but just a reminder that Tabris was here, that Shinji should go at his own pace. Permission for Shinji to do what he wanted.

As though there was nothing wrong about what Shinji was doing, about learning to crave the slide of a cock past his lips, but that was the point. It _was_ wrong, and making Shinji into a sinner, a pervert and a catamite was all according to plan, right? As long as Shinji was obedient, there was no need to break out sterner measures to force him into compliance with the devil’s desires? Right? Shinji could hope?

Except the command to abandon all hope was graven on the portal to his soul’s destination.

When Shinji finished and sat back, swallowing the last of Tabris’ seed, the devil scooped Shinji up in his arms and carried him over to the couch, opening the folds of the robe Shinji wore and giving Shinji the same pleasure as though there was nothing at all to be self-conscious about, nothing at all opposite about a master pleasuring their servant and looking up at Shinji’s half-lidded eyes and gasping mouth with warm delight.

It really didn’t take long for Shinji to come: he was trying to learn not to spill himself so quickly, before Tabris was finished inflicting pleasure on Shinji’s body, but Tabris hadn’t bothered to hold out either, in order not to tire Shinji’s mouth, and it really wasn’t Shinji’s place to try to make this harder for Tabris, to force him to spend more time debasing himself with a servant.

The sight of Tabris’ pale tongue lapping at him as if to clean him, even though not a drop had escaped those lips made Shinji’s cock twitch, trying to rise again but he felt too warm and sated. He just wanted to curl up with Tabris on the couch and let the devil keep lying to him by pretending to care.

He watched Tabris fold Shinji’s robe closed, and adjust his own. “The cello isn’t the only surprise I have for you today,” the fallen angel said. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

Shinji didn’t think he could be ready. Didn’t think he could take any more kindness without crying like the baby he was. Then he realized that ‘when you’re ready’ sounded like Shinji might need to steel himself.

Had he forgotten? Surprises didn’t have to be pleasant. When Tabris showed his true colors, that would certainly come as a surprise to the part of Shinji that had been taken in. “I’m okay,” he said, even though he wasn’t.

He was given a brief, doubtful look: was he sure? But Shinji did look sure, so his Master smiled at him. “Wait here,” Tabris told him, and left the room.

A short figure, too tall to be a full-grown man entered, wearing a black hooded robe. Shinji tried to peer under it and saw a patch of reflected light, but when they pushed back the hood he was still startled to see “Kensuke!?”

That familiar grin: Kensuke was alright, better than alright, and Shinji had never been so relieved. “I heard you were sent to the workhouse, because of my father,” he said wretchedly, because he had felt so horrible about that.

Kensuke waved it off. “Oh, we were, but the recruiter that took us was from one of Iruel’s factories – not your Father’s, my father would rather have done something permanent than work for  _him_ , not after what he did to get his hands on our land, but the factory belonged to another one of the Circle. Iruel noticed how much I knew about ships, trains and military technology, and I was moved somewhere else. I’m one of my Mistress’ knights now,” Kensuke said proudly, and Shinji noticed the sword that hung at his side.

“Iruel?” another demon? “You sold your soul too?” Kensuke… And it was Shinji’s father’s fault, even if not Shinji’s. Unless Kensuke was lying, and they’d found him and taken his soul because Shinji mentioned him. Because Kaji tried to find him and Tabris found out and thought it would be useful, a way to manipulate Shinji. Earn his gratitude.

“Oh, no.” Kensuke shook his head, sitting down. “The members of the Circle that own factories bargain with Mistress Iruel to control their workers’ minds. Same with their private armies and bully-boys. They sorcerers do it because that way they don’t need to pay the workers, just provide food and a room for them all to sleep in. It’s better for us since we don’t get hungry, cold, tired, or injured. Or dead: your father’s factories especially are deathtraps if you’ve worked too long, gotten tired and don’t watch where you put your feet, if they didn’t have Mistress Iruel in their minds looking out for them. You’ve heard about how the lower classes drink all the time when they get off work? It’s because they ache, and they need it to fall asleep. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was, that I didn’t have to work at a normal factory. It was _much_ better at the factory than at the workhouse even before they noticed that I was smart and brought me to Mistress Iruel’s attention. My father’s still doing well: his leg used to ache in cold weather, old war wound, but Mistress Iruel’s power keeps us healthy. And young. I’d give her my soul, but since she’s controlling my mind and body right now, that’s not allowed, and I don’t want her to free me even long enough for me to pledge myself again. I was really worried she’d release me when she said that Master Tabris was looking for me.”

He gave Shinji a pleading look, a ‘come on, man, let me check your Composition notes?’ “I don’t mind visiting you, it’s good to see you, but please don’t ask for me to become your servant, okay? Mistress Iruel’s got me doing some really cool things. I’m going to get to work on _warships_ ,” he said, voice laden with reverence.

“That’s alright?” Shinji said haltingly. He didn’t want Kensuke to be stuck in this house: what if he was turned into a demon like the pink-haired girl, who had already left to go corrupt others? “But is it really okay, that a demon’s controlling your mind?” he asked, even knowing what the answer would be.

Controlling the mind of someone who had sold their soul, he’d learned from Kaji, put the bargain in doubt. Someone (an angel?) could argue that they hadn’t chosen to damn themselves of their own free will, not when their free will had been taken away.

So Tabris had to control Shinji’s feelings the old-fashioned way, by pretending to be so kind to him, and he was terribly perfect at making Shinji adore him.

Without that protection, when love spells existed (according to Ritsuko), the devotion in Kensuke’s eyes when he named Mistress Iruel probably seemed real enough to him. The demoness could have made herself Kensuke’s goddess, someone he’d damn himself a thousand times over in order to win a smile from her, or the right to kneel at her feet, with just a wave of her hand.

At least, at least Kensuke was a good person? He seemed happy now, and at least there was some chance his soul could still go to heaven?

Unlike Shinji’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names (and appearances) of the two Israfels are taken from Campus Apocalypse, just like Ramiel’s in the last chapter was from that manga. Campus Apocalypse has angels that need to possess humans: how could I not use ‘demonic possession’ for this fic? 
> 
> Also in CA, Iruel uses a video game as her host and controls people, including Kensuke. Iruel is the Angel of Terror, so the correspondence to people's emotions, and how controlling someone's emotions controls their thoughts is appropriate.


	8. Chapter 8

There was another ceremony that night: Shinji helped Tabris get ready again, but the bath was an indoor one instead of the one in the greenhouse garden, since Tabris wouldn’t be showing off his wings during this ceremony. They’d get in the way.

The quarter moon. Curves and curving bodies.

“The obligatory orgy,” said another fallen angel, this one a young man in a fur-trimmed coat with a woman leaning against the wall next to him, equally casual.

“You don’t have to attend, Ramiel,” Tabris pointed out, smiling to himself. They both knew that Ramiel wasn’t actually reluctant to be here.

Ramiel? But Ramiel was a demoness. A woman. Shinji blinked. Wait, the black-haired woman next to the silver-haired fallen angel. She looked familiar.

She waved at him.

“Keiko’s another of my host bodies,” Ramiel said, tilting his head in her direction. “I was wearing her during the last ceremony. This one’s Keita.”

“Our true forms are sealed away,” Tabris explained. “SEELE released me from my slumber, but in order to act within the human world, we still need to possess human vessels. Most of us subdue the souls of our hosts, but Israfel possessed an infant while it was still within the womb, so the body was never given a soul of its own, Gaghiel prefers to possess animals and Ramiel treats his hosts more like familiars. Don’t be surprised if he switches back and forth between them a few times during the ceremony.”

Shinji nodded. That was a little worrying. What if Tabris chose to possess him? While he was inside Shinji’s head, what if he saw that Shinji wasn’t as taken in as he pretended to be, that he had been working so hard to please Tabris in order to save his own skin instead of because he was devoted to the fallen angel?

Hopefully that wouldn’t happen during the ceremony, though. He’d wondered why he was draped in so many layers of colorful fabric for an orgy, but there wasn’t a cushion to kneel on close to Tabris’ divan-throne. Was he supposed to kneel on the fabric of this thing instead? He went to one knee carefully, but Tabris saw and said, “Come up onto the throne with me, dear Shinji.”

That meant… at an orgy… Everyone would see him submitting to the devil?

Tabris didn’t see someone coming in while he and Shinji were occupied as any reason to stop having his way with Shinji’s body, so Shinji had gotten used to it a little. Hikari and Touji and most of the others in the household were friends, and he got the sense that they approved. Well, some of them were a little jealous, like the pink-haired succubus whose name he hadn’t gotten before she left, but they certainly didn’t stop  what they were doing just because he came down into the kitchen to help with dinner, so seeing people have sex was almost just a part of his new life, just like seeing people with wings and cat ears.

At least no one here would be any better than he was? The only men here who weren’t familiars and incubi would be ones who had voluntarily sold their soul to the devil. He could tell himself that everyone here was equally damned, should be equally ashamed of themselves? Was he pathetic enough to care about their opinion?

Yes.

He huddled against Tabris’ body, was grateful when the fallen angel draped a large layered sleeve, the outside red and gold, over him. “Will I need to do anything besides…” he let his voice trail off.

“All my cupbearer does during this ceremony is refill my wine,” Tabris said. “I don’t usually participate, much less buy any souls during this ceremony. The humans are much too busy committing venal sins. They don’t want anything that will distract them from their orgy.”

Shinji understood the temptation, looking at the lines of Tabris’ body under the draping cloth. They were damned already, so why not let their lust run wild…

“Yet it is a ceremony,” Tabris continued, “so I thought perhaps I could make something of a ceremony of it. For you. I had to take possession of your body to complete our pact before I could revive your mother at the ceremony where you gave yourself to me, so I think it might be a good idea to clarify your status for the Circle. So they know that you should be honored for your self-sacrifice, instead of treated as just Gendo Ikari’s sacrifice.”

As something unwanted Shinji’s father had thrown away? No more wanted than the sacrifices the others grabbed off the streets?

* * *

“Hold out the cup to me when I ask for it at the beginning of the ceremony,” Tabris had told him before the ceremony started, “and I will add some of my blood to it, as I do for the pacting ceremonies.”

Normally, Tabris’ hands didn’t have claws. Shinji would have noticed. Now, Tabris passed a nail over the inside of his wrist, and blood ran down his hand, pouring into the cup. A second brush of his hand, and both claws and blood were gone from his hands.

Tabris took it from him now, took a sip, and then lowered it to Shinji’s lips.

 “When I hold it to your lips, drink, and after that you can drink from it freely, whenever you like.” From the Master’s cup, the one that granted the sorcerers their powers, the Grail they had to pay in lives and souls to drink from.

Shinji didn’t think the warm, tingling feeling was just the alcohol. A wave of flame washed through him, setting him alight for an instant. It didn’t hurt, but felt like sitting with his back to the fire, like a lizard basking on a stone. Unlike the first time he drank, this time he didn’t fall asleep. He was able to stay kneeling, and arch his neck up obediently when Tabris reached into one of his large sleeves for the soft white leather collar set with rubies that would mark Shinji as Tabris’ familiar.

Perhaps he should have felt something when it closed around his neck. Some sense of being owned or trapped, the awareness that this could choke the life from him, but he was already trapped, already owned. This was just a symbol, and drinking the blood had already reminded Shinji of the reality. Of the way he sold his soul and damned himself.

There was no discomfort, or desire to get it off, even though he should hate what it symbolized. He was just grateful that Tabris helped him up onto the divan afterwards, and let Shinji lean against him again.

The blood and perhaps the wine left him as tired and languorous as if they had just had sex. Tabris stroking his hair while Shinji rested against him, caught up in the afterglow, was something he’d fallen asleep to many times now.

Tabris’ blood tasted like ordinary, human blood, not demonic ichor. Maybe that was because he was possessing a human body?

He felt Tabris kiss his forehead. “I should have put one on you before now, so there could be no confusion, but I like your neck,” the devil said, before nibbling it and demonstrating how he liked it.

When he bit the side of it, pushing up the collar to get at that one spot, that was when Shinji seized up, felt caught and held. When Tabris released him and he could move again, his hips flexed against Tabris’ body.

“So beautiful,” Tabris murmured, and when Shinji looked up into those eyes, it was so easy to let his world narrow down to just the two of them. Just what Shinji’s heart and body wanted and that beautiful mask, that smile offering him everything. “What do you desire, my beautiful boy?”

Shinji’s hips pressed against him again. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to. He wanted Tabris to reach up inside those layers of cloth and, “Please, Master?” He wanted Tabris to reach up and fondle him gently, but asking for that in front of people would be dirty, even if those people were doing much dirtier things.

What did it say about him, that he was addicted to Tabris’ gentleness? To waking up to see someone smiling down at him, happy he was there? Pretending to care about him?

Weak. He was weak, and this was a lie, and it was going to hurt so much when Tabris stopped kissing his forehead and telling him that he was a prince among men, that his heart was fragile (so, so easy to break him, the part of Shinji that was still sane heard) and yet it shone, like glass, so beautiful.

 It wasn’t fair. How was he supposed to resist?

He wasn’t. He was already lost, already damned.

* * *

Reporting to Misato at a bar was much more pleasant than reporting to a dark room full of a circle of hooded figures. He was pretty sure he knew who all of them were by now – the list of backers of the Katsuragi Expedition was illuminating – but it was a setup meant to intimidate. To make it clear that they could, and would, squash him like a bug. He was technically part of the circle, since he’d sold his own soul to Tabris. If he died, he’d end up in hell ready and willing to give an account of what happened to him. The only way to get away with murdering a fellow sorcerer was to make sure they didn’t know who had killed him, and Kaji had bargained for power just like the rest of them. Even if he’d gone more for things like better hearing to detect assassins than turning his business rivals into slaves. He liked the other newspapers. People who gathered intelligence and then just published it made his life easier.

These men might spend the lives of others like coin, but even if he wasn’t a Peer of the realm, much less their peer, their equal in the Circle, he still had the right to stand here, instead of kneel with a collar around his neck. Normally, none of these men went out without familiars as bodyguards, but the deliberations of the Inner Circle of SEELE were secret.

Full of secrets that all of Kaji’s employers would love to get their hands on.

“Yui has still not appeared in society,” one of them said. “Nor has Ikari left for the continent as you assumed he would.”

‘You’ was another member of the Circle, who responded. “We agreed Yui would be unwilling to remain in hiding, so he would have to meet someone who supposedly resembled his dead wife. A whirlwind ‘romance’ on the continent.”

“Or an American heiress so he could acquire her father’s factories. That would suit Ikari better,” came a mutter from another hooded figure. “It was difficult enough to arrange Yui’s death in the first place. What are we going to do now?”

“We?” the man standing next to him said. “A wayward daughter is her father’s responsibility, if her husband won’t restrain her.” Both of them had to be giving Keel dirty looks under the hoods.

“My brethren, I am aware of my daughter’s transgressions, but such matters are not for the ears of outsiders,” Keel said. Which meant Kaji. Busted. “So, do you have anything else to report?”

Other than that Yui Ikari hadn’t done anything that would have appeared on the society pages, that Kaji had come across in his persona as a reporter?

There was also his persona as the Circle’s official… not quite ‘gossip,’ but everyone knew he gathered information, and that he ran errands for various people, and that people shouldn’t tell him anything they didn’t want someone else extracting out of him later. It was better to smile and play the gossip than have people break out the thumbscrews and pain curses. So “I haven’t been allowed to see her,” he said, “but Gendo’s asking about his son. I found that a little curious, so I did some digging and I found that he had a detective on retainer checking Shinji out at his school, reporting to Gendo on how Shinji’s interactions with his peers seemed to be going. One report that Shinji had made a new friend, and a week later a member of the House of Lords is in the workhouse. For a common-born industrialist, even the widower of your daughter, Master Keel, to have enough clout to do that? He must have spent sacrifices like water to compel the necessary people.”

“In order to make sure the boy was miserable enough to throw his life away, obviously,” said one of the men impatiently.

“Ikari shouldn’t have needed to do that. A son is his father’s property. The boy seemed obedient enough, and ours sell their souls when we damn well tell them to,” said a gruff, accented voice.

“Those of us who have been paying attention have noticed that his Infernal Majesty will only revive the dead if the person requesting it loved the deceased,” Keel said flatly. “Yui was taken care of when the boy was too young to have many clear memories of her. Ikari needed to make sure the child had no one else to love. See how he’s responded to the devil, even though he’s protected from the devil’s power to control minds by the purchase of his soul.” Tabris wouldn’t want Heaven declaring the transaction null and void. “We humans are infinite in our cruelty, and our hunger for the divine love none of our fellow, selfish humans can grant us. Yui was cast out of our circle because of her selfish desire to obtain the power of God for herself. Now a son groomed to be willing to sacrifice his body and soul for her has become an intimate of the Lightbearer. Gendo Ikari may have been preparing for this day for ten years. We must act, and quickly. You are dismissed,” he told Kaji.

Who bowed and left, as much as he wanted to stay. Keel was spendthrift with his power, and quite willing to throw a lightning bolt at someone who wasn’t moving as fast as the head of the Circle wanted if it seemed they didn’t know their place.

“All these years, and we still haven’t found the messiah,” one of the Circle said, sounding more than a little worried.

“I’m just glad that Yui’s revival means we have our Whore of Babylon back,” said someone who had remained silent while Kaji was present. “Given how her son has joined with the devil so quickly, we have our antichrist as well.”

“I still say it’s Gendo. Yui brought him into the circle, and either way, traitor or not, Yui should _not_ have been assassinated. As the Whore of Babylon, of _course_ she was going to try to imperil mankind’s salvation for personal power! By doing so, she would have brought about the end of days, when God intervened to punish her for her blasphemy.”

“Perhaps Keel’s daughter has done his work better than he has… We may have freed the devil, but he has yet to unleash his armies on the world.”

“He must wait for the trumpets,” Keel said quellingly, “which wait for the Messiah’s order.”

“We have youth, but not eternal youth. If we die before the end of days…”

“We all chose to damn ourselves in order to bring about the City of God, to end this corrupted world and bring forth paradise. Are you afraid now?” The contempt in their leader’s voice was clear. “Without faith, no one cannot be saved: doubt now, and no matter what happens, you will not number among the Elect, who are worthy to enter into God’s Kingdom.”

He looked around the room, even if their cowls prevented him from being sure he had met their eyes. “This world is corrupt and sinful. We have all worked to feed that corruption, to bring down God’s wrath upon the world. The devil desires human souls, and once the world ends, there will be no more for him to torment. Yui’s death was necessary because she tried to use her knowledge of our true purpose as leverage. If she told Lucifer the truth, that we were planning to betray him from the beginning, who knows what might have happened? We know that he intends to gather as many souls as he can: he may decide to farm this world, produce as many corrupt souls as he can without making God send his son to destroy this irredeemable world. Freeing him gave us the power and youth we needed to do God’s work, but the devil is a powerful enemy, who works in opposition to God. The devil released Yui’s soul as part of his compact with her son: we must _not_ allow her to meet with him again. We cannot allow her to sell our secrets to him. If she is the Whore of Babylon, that just makes it certain that she will!”

There, now they understood. “We must find the Messiah and pledge our service to him before the devil realizes our true plans,” he reminded them. “Only the Elect will be saved, and allowed to enter the City of God. The world’s population grows, but the number of those who will be saved is already set. To allow too many new souls to be born is to doom those millions to damnation. No matter what, we must work to hasten the sounding of the trumpets and the breaking of the seals. This world must end!”

* * *

“So?” Misato asked in the waiting room of the head of the newspaper, too impatient to wait. A full meeting of the Inner Circle?

Kaji glanced at his boss, who was tactfully ignoring them as he read over some copy for the next day’s London Times. He wouldn’t have put up with a normal employee having a cryptic conversation in front of him, but he knew that Kaji was an agent of the Crown, placed among the society section’s reporters so that he could move among the elite and try to figure out who was in league with foreign powers. “They’re still focused on the woman that returned from a certain place with a scorching hot climate a week ago. I tried using some information about her son to see if they were interested in that, but they weren’t biting. I think they’re too worried about her to pay as close attention as they normally do to other things. Even the royal household itself.”

“Then you think you can…”

“Give me at least another week,” Kaji told her. “It takes time to develop trust, and we’ve both got busy schedules.”

She grimaced, but nodded. “Keep me posted.”

“Will do,” Kaji said, and left.

Elsewhere, Tabris opened his eyes, and smiled down at the human sleeping in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ramiel's first host in Campus Apocalypse is male, but that body gets damaged in battle. The poor unfortunate soul who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got grabbed as a replacement is a salarywoman. The others are more concerned with passing for human than Ramiel is, so they don't alter their bodies as much as Ramiel does. It's a real shame they had to wrap it up in four volumes instead of maintaining the pacing of the Iruel Arc: I wish we got to see the other angels' equivalents of Ramiel's battle forms. 
> 
> Reference to 'Beautiful World' from the first two Rebuild movies.
> 
> Chapter dedicated to wheres-the-phone of tumblr.


	9. Chapter 9

So easy to get used to being woken up with kisses, with murmurs of his name and by a hand smoothing his hair. So easy to get used to waking up in a warm bed, with a warm body next to him, to red eyes that smiled when sleep-hazed blue blinked up at them from under messy brown hair.

Shinji should have had a brief moment of panic when he saw those red eyes, when he remembered that a demon was about to have their way with him and he could do nothing but submit.

Instead the brief moment of panic was because he wasn’t wearing the collar. “Where is the collar, where did it go?” he asked, looking around.

“I took it off you.” Tabris sat up, looking a bit concerned that Shinji was so worried. “I had it made loose enough that it might have gotten caught on something or pressed at your throat at an angle, if you left it on while you were asleep. You toss and turn in your sleep very often, although I haven’t had to wake you out of any nightmares.”

“Oh.” Oh thank goodness he hadn’t lost it and his Master didn’t seem upset.

“You don’t have to wear it,” Tabris told him. “It’s so that you won’t be bothered more than anything. The Circle, especially the younger members, are used to having their way with any stray incubus… with any person they can catch and hold down without consequences.” Tabris looked slightly angry at the thought: had one of them offended him before, by treating his property like it was theirs? “That sort is only allowed on my property for the Ceremonies, and only in the entry wing where such things are held, but I’ve heard that several of them want to take your measure, and preferably more than that, if they find you outside my sight or Ramiel’s. The cup you bear is an object of power: some of the more foolish ones dream of putting the fear of themselves into you, and forcing you to throw it to them at one of the ceremonies. The collar is a symbol of my protection, and even if it marks you as ‘only’ a familiar, it marks you as _my_ familiar, so the ones with any self-preservation at all… It would be a shame if I had to kill them for laying a finger on you. It would make the others nervous.”

“But they should be nervous, shouldn’t they?” Shinji knew.

“Yes,” Tabris said with a smile, as though he was sharing a joke with Shinji, as though they were friends, “but it’s easier for me when they forget that. When they think of me as just another foreign prince to be used, some Indian maharajah who can be turned into a servant until they get around to staging a coup. It infuriates Leliel that they dare think of me that way, but it certainly has made things so much easier…”

“To get souls. And get them to bring you sacrifices.” Shinji looked down at his hands, clenched so hard the nails were digging into his palms.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the movement, Tabris’ nod.

“You hold them in contempt,” Shinji knew. “What….” No. No, he told himself.

Even if that collar was like the one on Touji and Touji and Hikari were in love. Even if Shinji’s reaction to thinking he’d lost it was far too much like he’d just lost a wedding ring, or at least an engagement ring.

“They deserve no better.” The contempt in Tabris’ voice was naked, now. “When they awakened me, they had a child sacrifice ready. Nothing but a child, so they could be sure she was a virgin. They deliberately made plans to free the embodiment of evil, a being that hated their entire species and wanted nothing more than to torture all of them eternally, and they _offered it innocent children_.” A laugh now. “I told them that the death of a child was useless to me. If they die before they can commit any significant sins, then they have escaped my grasp, have they not?”

“That’s what you care about, isn’t it?” Shinji said, staring at his hands. “We’re the children of God, he loves us more than he loves you, and that’s why you want us to suffer, isn’t that it? You want to hurt him by hurting us. Kensuke… he loves Iruel. He’d do anything for her, but she made him love her, didn’t she? Just like you’re making me love you.”

“I wouldn’t control your mind,” Tabris said, sounding puzzled.

“Because God might free my soul from you if you did it with magic. But that’s only with magic, isn’t it? The cello, finding Kensuke, being so kind to me all the time even though I’m pathetic and not even any good in bed… You’re doing it to make me fall in love with you, aren’t you?” Shinji’s chest heaved, breath coming fast: the rational part of him kept demanding to know what he thought he was _doing_ , this was _insane_ , but he couldn’t take it anymore! “And it’s working,” he whispered, panic rising. “It’s working, I’m falling in love with you, I’m besotted with your lies, and it’s going to hurt so much. When you start hurting me. It’s going to hurt, it’s going to break my heart, so please! Please stop! I’ve seen through your tricks, so there’s no point to it anymore, is there? Stop pretending you care about me! I know better, I’ve known better from the beginning! You hate humans, there’s no way that something like you could love something like me! There’s no way anyone, anyone as wonderful as you pretend to be would love someone like me!”

“Shinji,” Tabris said, reaching out a hand, and Shinji didn’t know if it was to soothe him or hit him and he didn’t know which one would hurt worse, in the long run.

Both of them. Both of them would be too much for him to bear, and Shinji cringed back, fleeing back against the headboard, as though having his back to a corner of the bed was any kind of protection against his Master’s displeasure. “Don’t,” he begged. “Don’t!”

The hand came closer, and a wall of light sprang up in its path, flickering into and out of existence. Tabris flinched back, staring at it with shock and no small amount of horror. Shinji had never seen pain in his eyes, or any kind of vulnerability, and even if it had to be pretense, or just unhappiness that Shinji had seen through his ruse, or a new trick, it still hurt him, to see Tabris unhappy, and the wall of light flared and solidified.

“Why would you…” Tabris stared at the wall, reached out to touch it. Gently, with that deadly gentleness, and Shinji felt the caress.

“What, what is this?” he asked, almost jumping out of his skin. “What are you doing?”

“I gave you power,” Tabris said, acting as though he was the one trying to remain calm. “To protect yourself. This is the power of your soul, walling you away from… This would only appear if you truly, truly believed that I sought to harm you. You… you really think I’m going to hurt you.”

“Stop,” Shinji begged. “Stop looking so hurt, I can’t take it! You win, alright? You win! It worked! You made me love you, even though I knew better, and now I can’t, I just can’t! You’re going to torture me when I die, you’re going to laugh at me the way you laugh at the other sorcerers, because they were foolish enough to give you their souls but I’m even more foolish, aren’t I? For letting you take my heart!”

“You really think that?” Tabris asked, acting as though he was the one who should be begging Shinji to say it wasn’t true. “What did I do that made you think that? Was it the collar? Did that make you think that you were only a toy to me? I didn’t… Shinji, I meant that to…” His eyes widened. “No. You’ve thought this way all along, haven’t you? Then why did you stay in my bed?”

“Because I sold you my body, didn’t I?” Shinji reminded him. “I had to do whatever you wanted! If I didn’t, you were going to torture me until I did, so the only way I could protect myself was by keeping you happy! I’m worthless, so I didn’t mind you doing things to me if it meant my mother could live, but you made me enjoy it! You acted like you cared about my pleasure because you cared about me, instead of because you were trying to turn me into a depraved catamite! I played along because I’m a coward, but I’m weak! I was weak enough to want to believe that it was real, and I’m in love with you, you bastard! You’ve won! So stop, stop, please stop pretending!”

“Because your heart is breaking,” Tabris said, and if there was any color to his skin at all, he would have blanched. “Because every time I’m kind to you, it breaks your heart, because your heart loves me and you think that I don’t love you back, so every time I try to make you feel loved, you think I’m doing it to hurt you, and being hurt by the one you love is… Oh, Shinji. I am so sorry. I didn’t know. I thought you knew that you didn’t need to stay in my bed, that… I saw that you wanted to be near me, that you kept reaching out to me despite your shyness, and I didn’t realize you thought you had to, and then I saw that you were beginning to love me, and I thought it was of your own free will.” His hand touched the translucent wall of Shinji’s soul, stroking it gently as he looked at Shinji beseechingly. “Shinji, I didn’t mean for you to hurt like this. Please believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Of course you did!” Shinji screamed, because this was too much, too painful, Tabris was too perfect an actor. It _hurt_ so much, so heartbreakingly perfect, tempting him to believe that it was real. “You’re the devil, and I’m a human! Why would you buy my soul if you weren’t planning to torture me when I died?!”

Tabris looked serious, focused, contemplating something important enough to make him frown, and Shinji dared to hope that Tabris was failing to see a way out of that one, that he’d be forced to drop the ruse.

“Then you will just have to never die,” was what Tabris said finally, resting his hand on Shinji’s soul, trying to be a steadying presence, to calm them both. “You are mine, and I cannot release you. If I did, you would be killed within days, and your soul would be lost to me. I cannot bear that. Otherwise, I swear to you that I would give you your freedom, if that would prove to you that I care about you. Except I don’t think it would, would it?”

Shinji shook his head. “You’d just try to make me give you my soul again, so you could taunt me, say that I had a chance to go to heaven and I gave it up because I was stupid enough to think that you could love someone pathetic like me. And you’d take my mother back. That was the bargain, my body and soul so she could come back to life, so I can’t go back on our deal, and you know it!”

“Oh, Shinji…” Tabris looked so sorry for him. “I haven’t given any of them immortality. It would defeat the purpose. But I will give to you. Not just the appearance and health of youth, but the reality: your clock will not run out. And even if, somehow, you were to die and your soul come into my realm, I would bring you back to life upon the instant. You sold me your soul and your body: well, I return to you your body. It will always remain yours, just as it was on the day we made our pact. I swear that I will never cause you pain in this world, not if I can possibly prevent it, and I will not let you linger even an instant in hell.

“Shinji, I didn’t mean for you to suffer like this. I don’t want you to suffer like this. I thought… I thought you loved me. Not just worshipped, but loved. I thought that your shyness was that you were not used to anyone loving you, I thought that when you overcame it, it was because you wanted me to show you what it was like to be loved, to teach you happiness and pleasure. I thought I made you smile, that you enjoyed it when we played music together, that you didn’t care about the power I could offer you. You didn’t ask for anything but my company, and I wanted to make you happy because it made me happy, to see you smile and think that it was genuine. That I, that you…” Tabris closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the barrier now. “Please, Shinji. I will _never_ deliberately make you, or even let you suffer. I can’t swear it on my life, not when people are depending on me, but I will swear it on anything you ask. Even a Bible, even if the flesh is seared from these stolen bones. I deserve that pain, if you who I care for has felt this pain, all this time. I never meant to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, and yet I did.”

“I’ll have to go to hell eventually,” Shinji knew. “The world’s going to end.”

“’And they will be cast into the wilderness, where there will be a wailing and a gnashing of teeth,’” Tabris said, rolling his eyes. “And they don’t realize that ‘wilderness’ means ‘unspoiled land.’ A new world. Yes, this world will end someday. But life will go on. I will take care of you, Shinji. I won’t let you die. I want to stay with you, and I certainly don’t want to live in hell. I spent far too long sealed in the ice, and fire sounds even more unpleasant. I have no intention of allowing this world to end. I like it here, despite the L-people that rule it, and their cruelties. Why would I place you on burning coals when I can lie with you on silken sheets?” he asked, stroking Shinji’s barrier again now, and Shinji could see it waver. Felt it waver, felt himself waver. “Why would I want you to look at me with eyes of betrayal and pain, when it’s so sweet when you reach for me tentatively, hopefully, wanting my touch? Of course it’s possible for me to love you, Shinji. You’re worthy of love. You’re kind, and helpful, and care about others’ pleasure, and…”

“I’m not!” Shinji wailed, covering his ears. The barrier solidified. “I’m not! I only pretended to be those things, to be good, so you wouldn’t punish me! I’m a coward and a liar, I’m weak and am I the one who tricked you into falling in love with me? Am I the awful one here? I’m, I’m a horrible person!”

“I wish I’d known that you felt this way... Shinji, you’re not the only one here who did what they had to do in order to survive and keep their family alive. To make the pain of hunger stop. Survival is not weak, placing your head into the lion’s mouth is not cowardice.” Tabris looked at him beseechingly. “I didn’t mean to do to you what those others did to them. Shinji, I… I am so sorry. For failing to make this clear to you, for letting you suffer so in my care… I deserve your hate.”

“How, how could I possibly hate you?” Shinji asked Tabris, no, asked himself. “I tried so hard not to love you, and I can’t help it. You’re so kind, so gentle to me, even though I don’t deserve it, and I would have done anything for it to be real, I want so much to believe that it’s real!” He trembled now, curling up tighter, but he could feel Tabris on his skin, on his soul, that gentle presence. Not strong now, but trembling. Like him.

“What would prove to you that it’s real? That I want to protect you, that I want to make you happy, to see you smile, to hold you while you sleep?” the devil, his lover begged him.

“I don’t know!” Shinji wailed. “It’s not possible! No one would ever love me!”

“I love you,” Tabris said, with no hesitation. “I love you, Shinji. It’s as absurd for me to love you as it is for a human to love a fallen angel. You’re so young compared to me, so very young, and fragile, and I’ve already broken you, haven’t I? I’ve already hurt you, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep you from being hurt again. This world, the nature of existence here: you all cause each other such pain, and now I’ve caused you pain?”

Tabris said that as though it was deeply wrong for him to cause pain to anyone, but wasn’t he a devil? Wasn’t that what they did?

“I love you, and I want you to be eternally happy, with me,” Tabris told him, and Shinji could hear that of this, Tabris was absolutely certain. Or lying through the fangs he’d worn that night when he turned into a white tiger to warm Shinji’s feet. “I want to play music with you, for my children. I want to fly with you. I want to walk with you on my arm, so all may watch and envy. I want to share my bed with you, and slip food past your lips, and see all of your smiles. I love you, Shinji. Whatever I can do, whatever it takes, to make you believe me. I want you to believe me, to know that I love you.”

Tears fell down Shinji’s cheeks, because it was so beautiful and it couldn’t be real and he didn’t deserve it, but it sounded so wonderful, Tabris’ touch felt so good, and he _wanted_.

And he was weak.

The barrier fell, and in an instant Tabris’ arms were around him, clasping him tight, wrapping him up in fireside warmth and kisses that tried to bless every inch of his head.

“I love you,” Shinji confessed, because he was weak but it was impossible to want to be strong, not when it was his weakness that was letting someone hold him like this. Letting someone give him what he craved. “I love you, I’ll do anything for you. I’ll let you do anything to me. Just don’t stop pretending that you love me, please,” he begged.

“Oh, oh dear Shinji, my poor little lamb… I love you,” Tabris said, unfurling white wings, heedless of how they scraped the ceiling. “I love you.”

Enveloped in warmth, Shinji cried.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Breakfast was in the glassed-over courtyard with the marble birdbath, Tabris in the black and gold brocade and Shinji in the white and silver dressing gown. The shoes Hikari brought were a little more substantial than the bedroom slippers, because the grass was wet with dew. They fed each other, the way they had that first morning, and Shinji found the courage to ask, “Do you always do that? Have people spend their first night in your bed?”

“With new children?” Tabris asked. “The ones that are defiant, I leave to their fellows, so they can see how much the others like it here, how much better a place this is, and how many opportunities it gives them to strike back at those they hate, in my service.” Tabris’ smile was perhaps a little evil, but it wasn’t directed at Shinji. “Those who are broken, I give to Iruel and my other children, the fallen angels. They can take the time to mend their minds.” Tabris himself was busy, although Shinji wasn’t entirely sure with what. “Those who are sad and desperate, for themselves and others, I enchant their minds while they sleep, and keep them with me to try to find the cause. Hikari and Touji had younger sisters, and when the only money-earners were kidnapped? They were desperate to get back to those children, so I had mine find them. You, however, I couldn’t enchant.” Because Shinji’s soul was sold, not sacrificed.

“I saw a core of nobility in you, a willingness to sacrifice yourself for those you loved. You deserved kindness, so I gave it to you, and then you were so eager, so affectionate…” Tabris was enchanted himself, but that reminiscent smile was replaced by a frown at himself. Shinji was sad to see it go. “I thought the fact you acted like that even without the enchantments meant that it was how you truly felt, but I forgot that… The enchantments I place upon the incubi are for their protection as well. I should have remembered that leaving your heart untouched meant it was unarmored.”

“Touji said you hadn’t really let anyone into your bed since Mari left,” Shinji said, looking down at the black leather boots on his feet. They seemed sturdy enough, the kind of thing that could survive London’s streets, not something for lounging around inside a manor.

“She tackled me,” Tabris said fondly. “She was a prostitute for quite some time before one of them hired her and found her burgling his rooms when he woke up. He was angry enough to sacrifice her for something of very little value, but she took to the life of an incubus as eagerly as you seemed to take to being in my bed. She’s very full of life, and she saw me as something of a conquest and mostly as a charity case.”

“Do you miss her?” Shinji asked, examining the china painted with riots of exotic flowers. This set must be for use only in the gardens: he’d never seen it before.

“She called me ‘daddy’ in bed.” Tabris grimaced. “Incest isn’t a taboo for us: all angels were created by the same being, so in a sense they’re all brothers and sisters, but I was happy when Asuka became old enough. Mari adores looking after people. The physical act was enjoyable, but she slept with me because I was there, she liked me well enough and no one else was sleeping with me. Who I was didn’t come into it. Mari could survive the life she had and still possess the joy she does because something in her is broken. I decided not to fix it, because she’s happy the way she is, but Asuka is the first person that Mari has affection for as _Asuka_. You’re a little jealous of Mari, and that’s because you’re worried that I might love her, and not love you as much, but it wouldn’t occur to Mari to be jealous. She’s not capable of that depth of feeling. The depth of feeling I love you for.”

“But I was lying,” Shinji said quietly. “You thought I was… because you were special to me, and…”

“And even when you were being hurt because… No, even when I was hurting you, you still came to love me. You don’t hate me for it, even though you have every right,” the fallen angel said seriously. “You may have sought my favor because of what I was, because I had power over you… In order to survive,” he reminded Shinji, seeing him start to rebuke himself for lying. “But you truly did come to love me, just as I thought you did. Not because of who and what I am, but in spite of it. The only one I am disappointed in is myself, Shinji. You were brave, and clever, finding a way to survive when you thought you were among enemies.”

Shinji blushed and Tabris smiled affectionately, distracted from his self-recrimination by how adorable he seemed to find Shinji, and pressed another bit of scone to his lips. “It concerns me that you fell in love with me while I was hurting you. Anyone who would hurt you…” It was harder to tell if Tabris’ eyes were glowing angrily when they were out here in the bright sunlight. Shinji had seen them glow during the cult meetings, to hint that he was about to become displeased if someone did not correct themselves quickly. “Anyone who would hurt you deserves _many things_ ,” coming from the devil, that meant ‘countless tortures,’ Shinji knew “but your love is not one of them. You should not love me, Shinji. You deserve someone who succeeds in making you happy. And yet, I have your love, and could never refuse it, so all I can do is attempt to earn it.”

But Tabris _had_ earned it, by being so gentle, by trying to make Shinji happy. Shinji should have said that, instead of lowering his eyes to the table. Tabris might think that Shinji was doing that because he was still too afraid of displeasing his master to agree with Tabris, actually say that Tabris needed to earn it. He should have said that it wasn’t necessary, really, he didn’t want Tabris to go to any trouble when going to trouble for Shinji’s sake would surely annoy him, and remind him that Shinji didn’t deserve any of it, and then he wouldn’t be kind anymore.

He didn’t say anything, though, because Tabris was already so kind, so gentle. He already made Shinji so happy, so if he was _trying_ to make Shinji happy? To spoil him? To prove to Shinji that he was loved?

Would Tabris wrap his wings around him, tell him that he was loved, touch Shinji so gently, ask him again to be certain that the touches felt good, that he wanted to be touched (made him confess his sinful desires, admit that he wanted to touch Tabris and be touched in return)?

He wanted Tabris to keep spoiling him, to keep being so wonderfully gentle and kind. That was really why he’d tried to be good, not some clever plan to survive. He wasn’t like Hikari and Touji, he was sure he would have killed himself if his father had turned him out onto the streets to try to survive. He wasn’t brave at all, but he didn’t want to correct Tabris, not when it made Shinji feel so warm. His father had always regarded him with hatred and disgust: Shinji knew that he didn’t deserve the joy he was experiencing now, but he would do anything to hold onto it.

And Tabris did intend to spoil him, to shower him with gifts in the hopes of making him smile. To make up for letting him live in fear. “Israfel are performing today. Would you like to come with me?”

“Come with you?” Shinji echoed. Outside the manor? He realized that instead of being grateful for the increased freedom, for Tabris wanting him to feel like less of a prisoner perhaps, he found the idea a little upsetting. The outside world was cold and cruel. He’d already known that escape wasn’t an option: even if he was willing to let his mother die, he didn’t have anywhere to go. He realized now that he didn’t _want_ to leave. That the manor was, was his home, no, his heaven.

“Israfel sings,” Tabris explained, smiling at the thought of them. “They’re performing at an opera house in London. There’s a box reserved for their parents, but their parents are their familiars, so the box is always available for me.”

“An opera house? Ritsuko and Kaji were going to make clothes for me to wear outside the manor, but…” Shinji hadn’t seen any.

“Since you still hadn’t selected a room of your own, they were put in with my spare and seasonal clothing,” Tabris said. “Would you like to try some on, after practice? Pick out something for a performance and dinner in the city. It’s one of those venues where those in attendance are there to be seen as much as to see, which is why I don’t go as often as Israfel would like me to go. I use the name Kaworu Nagisa in town: it’s something the Circle set up for me. Would you like to go as my fiancée?”

Fiancée? Not fiancé? Go as a _woman_? But, Shinji realized, they couldn’t go out in public as two men. Not when Tabris would want to stay close to Shinji, and kiss his hand. Be affectionate, to prove to Shinji that Tabris loved him. It was strange how much the idea of dressing as a woman didn’t bother him, not after more than a week of being naked most of the time. He’d need help dressing, since what little he knew about women’s clothing was that it was complicated, but he’d needed help putting on all the layers of cloth for the last ceremony. He was sure Hikari would help.

One of them needed to be a woman, since he didn’t want to go an entire evening without any contact with Tabris, even if they wouldn’t be able to kiss or do much of anything in public. Asking Tabris to dress in women’s clothing, though? Of course not: Tabris was the man in the relationship.

So Shinji nodded, knowing that he was blushing and glad that Tabris considered it cute. He wasn’t blushing because of the clothing, just because it was a reminder that Tabris wanted to do things like kiss Shinji’s cheeks and accept a bit of buttered toast from Shinji’s fingers.

The way he sucked on those fingers for just a few moments before returning them made Shinji  very glad they didn’t wear normal clothes here. He was a little too worn out from Tabris taking care of him for such a long time this morning, but when he did grow hard, he’d be able to kneel down at Tabris’ feet and pull open both their robes, stroking himself while he used his mouth for his master. He was glad Tabris had given him permission to touch himself: Touji didn’t have Hikari’s permission, and Shinji had commiserated with him over how much it inflamed their lusts to taste their masters, how much their cocks ached if they couldn’t stroke themselves during it. At first Shinji had used both his hands for Tabris, focusing everything on trying to please his master, but as he got better at it and started to take pleasure in the act, Tabris had seen Shinji’s hips thrusting desperately against the silk sheets and suggested that he touch himself, if he would like that.

At first it had tasted strange, but soon the taste and scent became associated with gentle instruction, with words of praise, and afterwards being touched and savored like he was something precious.

If there was _any_ possibility, any hope at all, that it was possible to make Tabris love him, then he had to seize that chance. If Tabris liked it when Shinji reached for him, lusted after him, then he would eagerly be a catamite.

* * *

“My hair isn’t long enough,” was the first problem. Other than that, Shinji had to admit as he looked in the large gilt-edged mirror, taller than he was, that hung on the wall in the dressing room, it would be very easy for him to pass for a woman once he was in a dress.

“I gave you the power to change your shape,” Tabris said. “Well, it’s dangerous for a human to change their form too freely. You don’t understand how your bodies work, so you’re liable to leave out something vital. So we give you specific transformations instead. Growing your hair out, growing your ears and tail back if you decide you want to give it another try: those are simple things. Shall I show you how?”

Shinji nodded, and Tabris touched a finger to his forehead. A mental twist, and there were different senses of what his body could be like. That was ears twitching in the wind, those were wings flexing on his back, there the weight of hair on his head, and next to it, more weight on the front of his body. “Would you like me to turn into a woman?” Shinji asked.

“Well,” Tabris pointed out, “If you do that now, there’s no way we’ll be leaving on time.”

He was right, Shinji knew: he’d want to experiment, see if it really was true that women could enjoy sex. Mari and Hikari definitely seemed to, and he was sure that Tabris could show him how. It would be more comfortable to be face-to-face with Tabris while Tabris was inside him, and Shinji blushed as he admitted to himself that he liked having his nipples played with. Breasts were larger, and he’d heard they were sensitive, so that could only be even better.

He really had become a pervert: thinking of this shouldn’t be making him want. No, they really wouldn’t be leaving on time if they did this. “You’re right,” Shinji agreed. “Maybe tomorrow?” Unless Tabris had something else planned for them.

“We’ll just have you put on a stuffed bodice,” Hikari said, fishing one out of the appropriate box. This was where they stored all the costumes as well as the other clothing that wasn’t currently being used. “Let’s get you laced into the corset first. It’s a good thing one of the other housekeepers wrote out directions. Noble ladies’ clothing is really just ridiculous. Oh,” she realized. “I’ll have to show you where everything like that is.” For when Shinji needed it, once he was head of the household after Hikari and Touji became demons.

It took Hikari and Tabris combined to manage the corset, and then more and more bits and pieces were put on Shinji, something like forty, and he found himself thinking with despair of how long it would take to get all of it off, especially since they’d tied down his penis to be on the safe side.

Tabris hadn’t even started getting dressed, and the thought of how much clothing would be on the two of them combined, separating them from each other? How long it would take to get all of it off both of them? A date suddenly felt much less appealing.

Especially once Tabris started brushing his hair and helping Hikari put it up. He loved those hands on his head, in his hair.

* * *

They were able to talk freely in the coach, since the driver was one of Tabris’, but eventually they reached the opera house and had to dismount. Shinji tucked his arm into Tabris’, or rather Kaworu’s, and let him lead. He really didn’t know how to make the skirts or anything work, so it was a good thing that some people thought it was cute and feminine to be a bit clumsy.

He really wasn’t used to admiring glances, even though he told himself that almost all of them had to be for Tabris, even the men. Why would anyone pay attention to someone as plain as Shinji when he was standing next to someone so radiant?  

There was champagne sent to the private box not long after they settled in to the padded seats lined with velvet. Shinji grimaced at the taste. He hadn’t liked the taste of beer, the few sips the boys managed to get, but Tabris’ wine was addictive, and champagne was supposed to be a good kind of wine, right?

Maybe what he liked about it was Tabris’ blood.

“Would you like me to?” Tabris asked, glancing at Shinji’s glass, and Shinji nodded. The curtains of their box were still drawn, since the performance hadn’t started, so Tabris could let a bit of blood flow into Shinji’s glass, then snap his fingers so the liquid became clear again.

Shinji sipped, and oh, yes, that was much better. The wave of warmth sent ripples down his spine, and he felt instantly tipsy. Not tired, or fuzzy, just like the world had the edges taken off, and it was impossible to be self-conscious. When the curtains were drawn, he sat back and leaned against Tabris’ shoulder, even though that was certainly inappropriate to do in public and people would think whoever he was had been raised badly, but it wasn’t as though he wanted to participate in Society.

“ _I want to bury my face in your neck, and breathe in the scent of you,”_ he heard in his head, and even though he knew that was Tabris’ voice, he still jumped a bit.

The devil looked at him and smiled, so Shinji sat back down, hoping not that many people had been looking at them. “ _Master Tabris?”_

“ _Kaworu out here, or Mister Nagisa, if you must_ ,” he heard. “ _The two children: they’re Israfel.”_

“ _Like Ramiel?”_ Shinji asked, seeing the white-haired boy and girl, but he’d watched and whichever host Ramiel wasn’t possessing had black hair. Only the fallen angel’s current body had white hair.

“ _Israfel has two selves. Cecelia is often unaware that she is Israfel.”_ Shinji turned to look at Kaworu, and saw the doting smile. At least it seemed more parental than anything else? “ _I’m her kind cousin Kaworu – this identity is a little too young to be an uncle. I’ve been two generations of Kaworu Nagisa now, although the older one is supposedly still alive. It’s the father that has the title. I would appear older in public,_ ” since this Kaworu looked no older than fifteen, “ _but then I would seem to be robbing the cradle, as common as that is._ ”

Tabris was ancient, and Shinji wasn’t that old, but the most wrong thing about their relationship was that they were both men, so the age difference barely registered by comparison. Oh, and Shinji was letting a devil have his way with him. That was also much more inappropriate than a noble taking a young wife.

Shinji finally registered the music. “ _Is it safe? For demons to sing a hymn?”_ They weren’t going to get hurt would they? What about Tabris, sitting here listening to it?

“ _I’m very fond of it_ ,” Tabris responded, glancing at him with a reassuring smile. “Kisses, and wine,” he murmured, touching his champagne flute to Shinji’s in lieu of a kiss. “Seek himbeyond _the starry heavens_.” That made him smirk behind his champagne flute, but he didn’t explain the joke.

He also didn’t point out to Shinji the woman who was staring at them through her opera glasses, not even bothering to hide her scrutiny. Tabris himself had told her that he could feel it when someone was watching him.

Tabris could do without being glared at, but it was good to see that Misato Katsuragi was doing well. So Kaji had managed to find out about the trip and alert her in time? No wonder the man’s continued existence annoyed Leliel so much.

* * *

After the performance, they were led backstage, where Cecelia ran up to fling herself on Cousin Kaworu while Makoto followed more sedately, glaring at Shinji. Even pint-sized fallen angels were intimidating to someone who knew what they were.

“And thank you for coming!” Cecelia said, suddenly in front of Shinji and curtseying. “If you hadn’t asked to come, I’m sure Cousin Kaworu wouldn’t have come, and we love singing for him, don’t we, Makoto?”

Makoto nodded, still glaring.

“Shinji plays the cello: when you next come visit my estate, both of us can accompany you,” Kaworu told her.

“Really?” she said, clapping her hands with delight.

“Does she have to?” Makoto said.

“Makoto!” Cecelia said, aghast. Tabris gave him a scolding look.

“That’s _our_ time with him,” Makoto said, still frowning. “ _You_ get to spend almost all day with him, don’t you? He’s _our_ family.”

Makoto was jealous, Shinji realized. Jealous of _him_? Another fallen angel thought that Shinji was special to Tabris? He should have been worried, or apologetic, but instead as he looked down at his skirts he just felt happy.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Period typical attitudes' - I'd say 'you can't make this crap up' but obviously people did. And people actually believed it. No, the belief about sex mentioned in this isn't just a reference to how Eva's humans are Lilim and what the Lilim got up to according to European mythology.

The half-moon’s ceremony was an administrative meeting, which seemed far too boring and ordinary, and yet it was vitally necessary. The cult had rules about who you could brainwash and control, based on not getting caught and not interfering in the doings of the senior members more than anything else. They were often broken, by those feeling entitled to do whatever they wished with their power. Tabris presided, but he’d told Shinji that there was rarely anything for the cupbearer to do.

Except, today…

It didn’t hurt, when he parted his flesh under the tip of the knife the way Tabris had shown him and let blood drip into the goblet, mingling with the blood Tabris had already shed. For some reason, letting people see him use magic like that bothered him almost as much as actually cutting himself, so if they thought it was the silver knife that did it, that was better somehow. Especially with so many eyes on him.

Drawing the flat of the silver knife over the wound hid the wound closing itself on his own, and he knelt to present the goblet to Tabris.

The fallen angel drank.

Shinji wondered how it felt for him. Shinji’s blood was just blood, not special the way Tabris’ was, so there probably wasn’t that echoing warmth, that felt a little like having his soul touched, when Tabris had him raise the barrier so he could show Shinji how to control it. Still, at least Tabris _was_ a devil, so he should like the taste of blood, right?

He relaxed a little when Tabris hummed, pleased, as he lowered the goblet from his lips, then held it up to Shinji, who drained it to the dregs.

It was important enough to keep people from getting their hands on Tabris’ blood when they weren’t allowed to have it. When they talked about this, Tabris hated the thought of any of the members of SEELE getting their unworthy hands on _Shinji’s_ blood. So all of it had to be drunk, even though this was more of Tabris’ blood than Shinji had ever drunk in one sitting. The champagne flute was smaller than the grail, even though Tabris had already drank half of it, and he’d just sipped from that all through the performance, not downed it all at once.

Ramiel took the goblet from Shinji to refill it with wine before it could slip through his hands, thankfully, and he managed to only half fall onto the throne, into Tabris’ arms.

It felt like his soul was held in those strong arms. It felt like he was loved.

 “My dear little lamb.” A soft and gentle creature, an innocent one.

“Master Tabris?” Shinji replied, quiet and hopeful. Had Tabris liked it? They’d exchanged blood, like blood brothers. He thought from how Tabris had talked about that it might bond them, even if demons certainly didn’t have the sacrament of marriage. Perhaps the idea was to make things go both ways? Shinji liked the idea of a little piece of himself being inside Tabris, just like when the fallen angel swallowed Shinji’s seed. He knew that taking someone’s seed drained their vitality, like some women who wanted sex so they could get a man’s masculine energy. Maybe if Tabris kept draining him dry so often, Shinji would stay a womanly catamite.

He didn’t mind that, even though he should, since Master Tabris liked him like this.

“You did well, Shinji,” Tabris murmured for him, and Shinji relaxed, still idly thinking about that. Tabris almost always finished inside either Shinji’s body or his mouth, while often Shinji spilled himself on his own stomach or the sheets. So Shinji should be getting a lot of masculine energy from that, and that was supposedly one of the reasons that girly boys were selected as upperclassmen’s fags: to toughen them up, so they’d eventually become more manly.

Tabris was very virile, so that explained why Shinji had plenty of energy even though he was drained of his seed at least three times a day, but Tabris wasn’t human, even if he was possessing a body that was originally human. What could so much demonic energy be doing to Shinji’s body? He would have to ask Tabris later, but the thought of gradually being milked dry of Shinji, all filled up with Tabris made him twitch where he was pressed up against Tabris.

It wasn’t as though some of the members of the circle weren’t having their way with their familiars as they watched the proceedings, out of boredom, exhibitionism and in some cases to show off that they could remain focused even while a slave pleasured them.

If he started to take care of Tabris, the thought of all of them watching Tabris pet his hair and murmur to him, so pleased with him?

But it was Tabris that started to stroke and fondle him first through the fabric, Shinji curling up against Tabris and trying not to cry out, even though it would be tactfully ignored. After Shinji finished, he slid down the lounge chair and slid Tabris’ pants down his hips just far enough that Shinji’s mouth could reach him if he stuck his head under the tunic.

If he pleased his Master, Tabris would be kind to him. Shinji wanted to please him even more now that pleasing him eagerly might make Tabris love him back, too.

* * *

 “He called him a lamb.”

“He’s said before that the boy’s soul possesses a rare radiance, superior to that of any other human. Or any human that is _merely_ a human?”

“The devil tempted the last messiah with all the kingdoms of the world,” Keel said thoughtfully, “but what need would a son of God have for mere temporal power? Yet God is a God of love, and the boy is clearly besotted. A true master of temptation would know their target’s nature, and use it against them.”

“You’re not seriously…” suggesting that those two are _right?_

“The Messiah, selling his soul to the devil?”

“What are we going to do?”

“The Messiah did not awaken as the Messiah until he was thirty,” Keel reminded them. “Until that time, he was his earthly father’s obedient son. By selling himself, he did his father’s will, just like any virtuous child. Perhaps his birth, and to her, no less, is the great plan that Yui was pursuing… It would explain why she picked a name that could be read ‘true god.’ If so, we did well by removing him from her influence.” At least none of them were fool enough to think that Shinji was the Antichrist. Those who had actually read the Bible knew that the Antichrist was not someone who would pose as a virtuous man, a fake Christ, and try to deceive the faithful, but would try to turn man away from God, by claiming that God did not exist and the sinful, secular life was all-important.

The Antichrist would not try to trick man into worshipping the devil, but worshipping nothing. Condemning their souls to first hell and then nonexistence.

“Is a mere woman, your daughter or not, what we should really be concerned with here? The Messiah the world has awaited for almost nineteen hundred years is in Lucifer’s clutches!”

“Do you really think God did not foresee this?” Another said disgustedly. “It was God’s will that Jesus suffer the devil’s temptation, since that is part of human existence and Jesus was the bridge between God and man.”

“But Jesus refused the temptation! He did not become an eager…” To attach the description of catamite to even a possible Messiah was too blasphemous even for one of them.

“He was given over to the devil by his own father.” Keel’s voice was stern. “Just like when a woman is given to another man. It is his duty to submit obediently to Lucifer’s desires now, since that is what Gendo Ikari ordered him to do.” By bringing him to be sold. “When he awakens, and realizes that his true father is God, he will no longer need to abide by the dictates of Gendo Ikari. Since the man was clearly never his father in the first place.” It explained much. That strong a resemblance to Yui? Well, if Yui was the only _human_ parent…

“Ah,” one of them said, relieved, thinking they followed Keel’s thoughts. “Since Gendo Ikari was not Shinji’s true father, he had no right to give him away, and there is nothing binding about the current state of sin?”

“Filial piety is a virtue, but also owed to the mother. And if the Messiah were to reclaim his soul, Yui Ikari would return to hell.”

One of them snorted. “Mary was not the mother of God, and neither is Yui. God merely placed the child in her womb.”

“That is where the Protestants ignore Biblical truth, once again. Even though yes, Mary only bore God’s child, the writers of the Bible believed that all woman merely incubated their husband’s seed. The relation between Mary and Jesus was the same as the relation between all mothers and sons, therefore Mary was Jesus’ mother, and to claim otherwise is claim the text of the Bible is untrue. Jesus showed filial piety to Joseph only until he awakened to his duty as the Messiah, to his true father: he showed filial piety to Mary for his entire life.”

“Modern science…”

“Don’t modern science me. Claiming that the text of the Bible is invalid because of the say-so of a Catholic monk… You’re worse than any Papist.”

“Have we forgotten that the Messiah is meant to lead an army against the devil’s forces?” An annoyed voice spoke up. “The Messiah is perfectly capable of freeing her soul, or even absolving it of its sins, if he cares to. _That_ may have been her back-up plan, if she was unable to obtain God’s power herself. Use the Messiah’s virtue and filial piety to obtain forgiveness for her transgressions and entrance into the City of God.”

“Should we attempt to earn the Messiah’s favor for ourselves?”

“If possible, but Tabris keeps the boy closely guarded.”

“Surely we can at least obtain a private interview with him. This is the most likely candidate we have ever had: surely an angel who has stood in God’s presence would recognize the soul of the true Messiah.”

“Unless the intent is to trick us.”

“Why should he trick us? He thinks we are merely out for personal power: he has no idea our true goal is to find the Messiah and bring about the end of the world and rise of the City of God. But power was not enough to tempt the Messiah, nor was torture enough to deter him. This time, the devil has found him before he awakened as the Messiah. What if his goal is to keep the boy from awakening, cozen him with promises of love and earthly delights?”

“Is that possible?”

“God would not let that be the outcome,” Keel said, because they must have faith in God. Yet, wasn’t their entire goal to hurry along God’s work? “We must still obtain the boy and find some way to test him.”

* * *

Finally reaching the end of the song, Shinji stopped, then jerked his head up when he heard clapping. “Oh, hello, Mister Kaji.” When had he come in?

“I heard you playing. You’re getting pretty good,” Kaji said, coming over and clapping Shinji on the shoulder.

“Thank you,” Shinji said, blushing a little and glad that he wore clothing while he was practicing, even if it was just a robe. Kaji was always fully clothed, and while the incubi didn’t seem to care, Shinji felt really self-conscious when someone else was wearing clothing and he wasn’t. Touji said that it was the difference between nude and naked: nude was for beautiful women and statues of ancient athletes, people confident enough and fearless enough. Naked was vulnerable, and Kaji was nice to him. More than that, Kaji complimented him.

Kensuke was nice, but Kensuke hadn’t complimented him. Kensuke hadn’t looked him up and down with approval and sometimes a ‘go get ‘em, tiger,’ whistle. Kaji flattered him, and the only person to do that was Tabris.

Kaji certainly never acted inappropriately, but Shinji wasn’t used to being admired, and Kaji was certainly very handsome, and thinking of the size of Mister Kaji’s hands, of that large body over his, made him feel even more depraved than just being a catamite at all. He belonged to Tabris, and Tabris maybe even loved him, and it was one thing to have those thoughts when he thought Master Tabris was just trying to tempt him into debauchery, and sleeping with another man would certainly be debauchery, but now? Now that there might be something unique between them? Shinji felt terrible about betraying Master Tabris, even in his thoughts.

He still didn’t _think_ that Tabris would mind, but… “Oh, sorry, what?” he had to say.

“Would you mind getting dressed and heading over to the delivery entrance with me? The Master ordered a bunch of new dresses for you, and Ritsuko ordered samples of a lot of materials. They arrived just now.”

“Oh,” Shinji said. “Alright.” At first, he’d wondered why Kaji would possibly want him to get dressed, but the delivery entrance had outsiders coming in at all sorts of times with all the things it took to run a household. Hikari had introduced him to most of the regulars, like the milkman, but the cultists would send gifts for the attention of Master Tabris and so would the fallen angels, all sorts of strange and elaborate things that often arrived at inconvenient times so people had to put clothes on in a hurry to get them into the house.

Before, he’d used the clothes that were kept in the antechamber, but now there was some of his clothing in the walk-in wardrobe attached to Master Tabris’ rooms.

Kaji laughed in a way that sounded a bit startled when Shinji closed the door before Kaji could follow him into Master Tabris bedroom, where Shinji intended to change. “Oh, right, modesty,” Kaji said after a bit. “Let me know when you’re done.”

“I’ll be done soon, I’m not putting on anything that complicated,” Shinji said, already slipping his foot into one leg of the trousers. Oh, right, “Is it okay to be dressed like an errand boy?” he remembered to ask.

“Can’t see why not,” Kaji said. “I just want to get a look at your skin and some of these in the sunlight, for the walking costumes. Windows and that greenhouse roof aren’t the same. I think there’s some magic on ‘em that filters out the London fog.”

Shinji nodded cheerfully, even though Kaji couldn’t see him.

When they got down to the entryway, Shinji started to head towards the carriage.

Then Kaji hit him on the back of the head with what was probably a blackjack.

Shinji wasn’t knocked out, thanks to the power of protection Tabris gave him, but he still felt that Kaji had _tried_ to hit him, and that startled him enough that he froze and Kaji was able to throw him over a shoulder, throw himself into the carriage and yell cheerfully up to the driver for him to take off.

He just sort of hung there, closing his eyes so Kaji would think he was unconscious when Kaji put him down on the opposite seats, since he was very, very confused. This couldn’t be another surprise from Tabris: Tabris would have known something like that wouldn’t work on Shinji. Shinji didn’t think Tabris would want him to be scared by even a pretend kidnapping, either.

Wait, was that what this was, Shinji realized as the carriage jolted around, hurrying over the cobblestones. A kidnapping? He was seriously being kidnapped?!

“You’re awake?” Kaji asked him, sounding mildly surprised but not all that worried. Still sounding friendly, too.

Lying there on the leather seat, Shinji debated trying to play dead, but the way he froze up when he realized Kaji knew he was awake would have given it away if it hadn’t already been obvious to Kaji for some other reason. He glanced up at Kaji with worried eyes.

“I’m not going to bite your head off,” Kaji told him. “This is a rescue.”

“A rescue?” What? Shinji started to push himself up into a sitting position.

“A friend of mine – Well, a lot of people wanted to meet you,” Kaji explained. “But she’s the only one who might have your best interests at heart. You may have fooled the incubi, but that’s just because they couldn’t imagine someone not wanting Tabris to sleep with them. And I mean literally. They can’t. They’re all under mind control magic, since the cult wanted incubi to have their way with, the fallen angels are all too good to pretend to be servants to us mere humans and even though Tabris despises humans in general, he has a soft spot for kids even when they aren’t his. So the incubi and their minds are all wrapped up in spells so it’s just not possible to hurt them during sex. If you whip them, it’ll just feel good, they’ll heal injuries like that,” Kaji snapped his fingers, “so the Circle couldn’t mark them and shame? What’s shame?

“Eventually the sadistic bastards had to figure it out, that if they wanted to hurt and humiliate some poor kid they’d have to grab one off the street like everyone else. Then sacrifice them when they’re used up, too dead to care what else is done to them. The ones who were hurt that way before, they’re _really_ grateful Tabris took all of that away from them. They all adore him for it. So they couldn’t see that you were scared, that you were letting him do things to you that you weren’t comfortable with since you thought otherwise, things would get even worse. Because that would have reminded them of the hell they used to go through, and Tabris isn’t letting them suffer that anymore.”

Eyes wide, Shinji stared at him, because someone had seen? Someone had cared? Even Kensuke hadn’t thought there was anything wrong with Shinji or his situation.

Because he couldn’t. Because he was Mistress Iruel’s knight, and he’d do anything for the honor of being taken to her bed. He’d sighed over how lucky Shinji was. He hadn’t realized that there was anything wrong about being a catamite. Hadn’t been able to see anything else, when the absolute importance of serving the fallen angels got in the way.

“Thinking about your friend, aren’t you?” Kaji asked him. “Yeah. That’s the difference between those of us who have sold ourselves, and the poor bastards offered up as human sacrifices. And the poor saps who go to work at the wrong factory. Or maybe the right one. They’ll live a lot longer, and healthier, and they’d say that they’re happier, but I don’t know if you’d call it living. Would you?” he asked Shinji, leaning back and reaching into his jacket pocket for a cigar.

 Shinji looked down at his folded hands as Kaji lit up. “It terrified me. No, that wasn’t really terrifying, I was already terrified, being in the clutches of a demon, so it was just one more thing that was strange and scared me. But… Tabris is really kind, and if he made Hikari and Touji and everyone else that way in order to protect them…” That was something Tabris would do. “He didn’t know that I was scared and wasn’t doing it because I enjoyed it.” Shinji didn’t want to tell Kaji that he’d enjoyed it, oh yes, he had every time, and that had scared him even more, how he started to want to be in Master Tabris’ bed, and not just in the hope of relative safety. “When he found out, he took me out on the town,” where people could see, “and… He’s tried very hard to make me feel loved.”

“Make you,” Kaji pointed out. “Shinji, I know you know that he’s a demon, but he’s a fallen angel. He wasn’t ever human. Angels are about as different from us humans as we are from monkeys. Tabris keeps his mouth shut, but a lot of the time it’s clear he lets various people pull their bullshit since he just doesn’t think they’re capable of anything any better. Some of the others don’t even bother to hide it. We’re subhuman to them, Shinji. Property. They’re civilized people in among the Africans, or Indians, either kind, or Chinamen swarming the opium traders.” Buying their own destruction, their own slavery, while the demons profited.

“The sacrifices are humans selling them other humans to use as slaves, just like it was Africans that captured and sold other African people to the slaving ships. Tabris is the nicest of them, but just because he’s pretty… well, maternal.” Fathers were strict, had to be unkind to their children. No one with _paternal_ instincts would take care of the incubi the way Tabris did, although Kaji hoped Shinji wasn’t too offended on his Master’s behalf by Kaji insulting him by comparing him to a woman. “They’re still pets, cats and loyal dogs. Substitutes for children, not _real_ children that grow up to be adults and stop being property someday, at least the boys. Up until last week, I would have said he was probably fairly fond of you, since he wouldn’t have bothered to pretend to be if he wasn’t. No reason to put in the effort for a mere human. Then the higher-ups in the Circle, and your parents… they all think you need to get away from him. It can’t be just for your sake: those bastards aren’t going to care about what happens to a kid, but… I’m taking you to see a friend of mine who can tell you a little more about Tabris.”

Shinji hesitated.

He didn’t want to hear anything more about Tabris. He wanted to let himself believe that he was loved, so he could have even a little happiness before it (maybe, not certainly) turned out to be a lie.

The carriage was already buried in the London fog, and he’d already had Kaji tell him something that he already knew was true, as hard as he’d tried to ignore it, so… Was it better to know, or not to know? He could probably escape from Kaji, if he used the demonic power Tabris had given him, but he didn’t know the way home.

He was a coward, so he just stayed quiet as the carriage rattled on to its destination. Kaji took his silence for assent, and stared out into the fog, the smoke from his cigar bringing it into the carriage with them, burying everything in that murky, poisonous grey.


	12. Chapter 12

They were led into a lady’s parlor, but a proper lady wouldn’t have had that substantial a liquor cabinet on full display, not to mention the mountain of beer bottles that should have been cleared away by her lady’s maid.

“Shinji,” Kaji said, making introductions, “this is Misato Katsuragi. Misato, this is-“

“Shinji Ikari,” she interrupted him, which left Shinji feeling taken aback. The light in her eyes was just as hard as that in Ritsuko’s. Even though she was a woman, she seemed as tough as nails. “Grandson of that bastard Lorenz Keel.” She waved at the loveseat opposite her large, stuffed leather chair. “Sit down, the both of you.”

Shinji obeyed.

“So, you’re his catamite,” she said, picking the cigarette held in its long holder that was on the table next to her chair and giving it a puff. “I saw you with _him_ at the opera house. So he’s got you wearing a dress.” Not, it was clear, that she thought it made much of a difference, that Shinji was any kind of a man.

“Kaji said you knew things about him.” That was what was important to Shinji. He knew he was a disgrace to his family, not any kind of a proper young man, even before he’d sold himself to Tabris.

“Of course I do. I’m… Or have you even heard of the Katsuragi Expedition?”

Shinji shook his head.

Her hand toyed with the cigarette holder as she spoke. “My father was a defrocked Catholic Priest. He was interested in the North and South poles for theological reasons: everyone knows that Hell is ‘under’ us, but with the Ptolomaic model of the universe disproven, that cast a lot of Biblical interpretations into doubt. Dante depicted hell as not just the lava, sulfur and brimstone that comes out of volcanoes, but a range of climates ending in ice: since maps are depicted with north as up, since that’s the direction lodestones are drawn to, there was a theory that north was closer to heaven, which would make south, and the people who live there, closer to hell. Because of that, he spent his life studying the Arctic and Antarctic: mostly the Arctic, since it was easier to get there. Then he got funding for an expedition to the south pole, only it turned out when he’d gone too far to turn back that the funding _really_ came from a group of Occultists, who found a hidden set of prophecies from Biblical times. They needed a defrocked priest since there are a lot of Satanic rituals that require a defrocked priest. And they thought they’d found a clue to where exactly Lucifer landed when he fell.”

“They freed him.” Shinji could put together that much. “So he’d be grateful and so they could sell him their souls, drink his blood and get power.”

Misato blinked. “Drink his blood?”

“It gives humans power,” Shinji explained. “That’s why I have to guard the grail during the ceremonies. They know that they’d be punished by the rest of the Circle if they stole it, but they might think that whatever power they got out of it would be worth it.”

“Looks like I should have gulped,” Kaji muttered. He hadn’t sat, but instead was standing back against a wall, keeping an eye on the door. There was no window, probably for safety’s sake.

“So, they found him?” Shinji prompted her.

“They used fire to help them clear out a space around him, and tools heated in the fire to chip away at the ice. When he was almost free, they told us that they were going to use me as a human sacrifice, but my father begged for them to wait until the devil was free and could say what he wanted, that he might be annoyed if I was killed in front of his eyes before he was freed. That he hadn’t gotten to do worse to me, or get my soul first. Since he was the one who convinced them not to offer the best sacrifice they had, they had him be the one to start stripping off the last of the ice, so that the devil would kill _him_ if it woke up annoyed. They had me tied to the altar with a knife at my throat as he worked, and they were chanting, so that if he did kill my father they could kill me to show him honor and hope he wouldn’t kill the rest of them.”

“What did he look like?” Shinji asked her. “In the ice.”

“A giant,” she told him, eyes distant. “Mostly featureless white flesh, like the whole thing was one huge scar. I guess even angels get frostbite after that long. No wings: it looks like the stories about Michael tearing them off so the fallen angels couldn’t get back into heaven were true.” She gave him a look. “So you know that’s not his body? Did you already know whose it was?”

Shinji shook his head, hoping to forestall her anger with him. “He said that the fallen angels needed human hosts, so I wondered what his real body looked like.”

“The way he looks now probably is pretty close to the way he looked before he fell, except for the red eyes,” she told him. “I can definitely tell you that he doesn’t look a thing like my father did.”

“Your father?”

A hand went to the cross necklace she wore. “My father. When he finally touched that cursed flesh, he froze. He stood there, and then his body started to glow white, the color of that devil, and _change._ They panicked and started to chant louder and lower the knife. _I_ panicked, I was screaming, but then he, _it_ , turned and hit all of the men around me away with a wall of light. I heard a voice that wasn’t my father’s, not anymore, tell them that ‘This man has sold his soul to Me in exchange for his daughter’s safety. Any who harm her will answer to me.’”

That, that sounded like Tabris to Shinji. It was a relief. Even if Misato must have been upset, she was still alive, right?

“They let me up eventually, cut my bonds after asking his Majesty’s,” her voice was mocking, “permission to go near me with a knife. When I could finally look around,” she continued, “I saw this youth, looking maybe just slightly older than you, sitting on one of the pieces of ice they’d taken off the cliff, trying to get on it. Just right on the snow and ice, not even noticing the cold. He was so pale, like alabaster, and he had wings that were curled around him a little, but not for modesty or even to block the wind. Just to make a pretty picture, he was aware of how beautiful he looked, the bastard.”

Cursing? A woman, cursing? It made Shinji blush at her, but Misato was looking at the bottle of beer on her table, not at him. “Those red eyes, they were laughing at them. A hawk, prepared to swoop down on prey, except they’d already fed it. My father gave me his cross: maybe, if he hadn’t, Lucifer would have taken the next person to touch it, taken someone else. Some of them thought they could talk down to him, intimidate him with crosses and holy water: he vaporized their talismans before they could get them close enough to him, and gave their bodies to other fallen angels. They wouldn’t have tried it without discussing it with Keel in advance, I’m sure of it, but he and his faction just watched, let others take the risk, like my father… Keel bargained with him for youth and power before they even let me up: the numbers of the inner circle are the numbers they swore themselves in, or maybe the order they were allowed to swear themselves. He answered to Lucifer at first, but then he said that was a title, not a name, and he’d lost the right to Helel, so they were to call him Tabris.”

Even though she kept her composure, there seemed to be an element of rambling in that, the words spilling out of her, and it reminded Shinji that she had been drinking before they arrived. He glanced at Kaji, and maybe beneath his poker face there was a hint of concern for her. As well as sadness, that Misato had to be there for something like that, that she’d lost her father.

“He’d glance at me sometimes, to make sure that I was still intact, that he could keep my father’s soul, all the way back to England. When we got here, Keel had me put in an insane asylum. I don’t know what happened to my mother, even now,” she said. “I’ve tried to warn people, but by the time I was freed, the cult had too much power. No wanted to listen, but the younger ones have gotten more and more blatant over the years, and thankfully Kaji listened to me, and after he infiltrated the cult and got a little power his bosses would listen to him.”

Kaji snapped his fingers and fire bloomed. “I can control machinery, too,” he told them. “I’m the London Times’ lucky charm: amazing what you can get away with, when the presses’ll just up and start working again when you enter the room.”

“And he can keep guns from working.”

“And that,” he agreed. “When I’m not hanging out at various places collecting gossip for my own purposes or the society pages, I’m a rather good bodyguard.”

A glance at Misato, though, and Shinji wondered if Kaji was digging for praise or this was the woman he’d prefer to be guarding.

“Thank you for telling me all of this, Miss Misato,” Shinji said, to be polite. “But _why_ are you telling me this?”

“Because he took you out to the opera, and he made you his familiar. He hasn’t allowed anyone but another fallen angel to touch the holy grail since one of them found it for him, except when they drink his blood from it, the way the apostles drank the wine that was Jesus’ blood.” Profaning such a sacred relic… “You’re near him all the time, and he can’t control your mind, not like the sacrifices he turned into incubi, and you’re a human, not another fallen angel,” Misato told him. “It’s your duty to England, no, to all of humanity, to help us find some way to send him back where he came from!”

Shinji blinked, puzzled. “To Heav-“

“No! All the way to Hell, this time.” Instead of stopping in the Antarctic ice. “We have to cast him out of our world, before unleashing this many demons starts to bring about Armageddon! The last time demons and misbegotten creatures roamed freely, God sent a flood! This time, _everyone_ will die, and only the Elect will be chosen to go to heaven! Everyone else who has ever lived will end up in Hell, in that _thing’s_ clutches! Just like my father! You have to swear, now, that you’ll find some way to exorcise that devil! If we can destroy his original body and take the one he’s stolen away from him, then there’ll be nothing anchoring him in the human world, _our_ world! He’ll have to go where he _should_ have gone when God cast him out!”

Shinji quailed back, and that was when the ladies’ maid came in to say, “Miss Katsuragi, someone is here to see you.”

Misato’s firm gaze instantly left Shinji’s eyes, both her and Kaji turning towards the maid. Shinji saw Kaji’s hand reaching inside his jacket. “I left orders not to be disturbed,” Misato snapped, but there was no ‘what is the meaning of this?’ in it. No, she was afraid she had a very good idea of what the meaning was.

The woman’s eyes went blank and she moved to the side. As Tabris stepped into the room, Shinji saw the end of the wave of his hand that had sent her out of his way. Shinji might have expected him to say something like ‘You have something of mine,’ but instead he ignored Misato and Kaji. “Shinji?” he asked.

Shinji was very relieved that Tabris didn’t seem to be angry at all. There was a bit of concern there, but no real worry.

That was right, he’d said that he’d bring Shinji back if he died, right? And he’d given Shinji powers to protect himself with. They couldn’t torture him if they couldn’t break through the barrier, so as long as Shinji was alive, Tabris was probably sure he wasn’t in too much danger. “I hope I didn’t worry you,” was what he said.

Tabris’ eyes laughed. “Did you want me to come riding to the rescue?” he asked, teasing but far from unkind, as though he certainly wouldn’t dislike it if Shinji had such a fantasy.

“I didn’t want you to go to any trouble!” Shinji protested, springing to his feet. “I just wanted to… Kaji asked me to come with him,” he said, leaving out the entire kidnapping part. He didn’t want Kaji to get in trouble.

Tabris held up his hand before Shinji could say anything about hoping he’d be back before Tabris noticed he was gone and started worrying and said, “Your father wanted you to have that necklace.” His voice was stern. He didn’t look at Misato. “If you throw it at me, it will no longer be yours, and _you_ will be the reason his gift to you of protection was destroyed.”

A moment, and a moment more, and both Tabris and Misato lowered their hands, although her fist stayed clenched tight around the cross.

“I’ve said before that it won’t work. Have you not heard that Lucifer is your god’s creation, the most powerful of his creations? The power I possess is akin to God’s, and a little symbol like that, which has never belonged to anyone of any real faith? Holding that up to me is threatening the sun with a match. It may not be a relic of faith, but it’s a relic of other’s feelings. Don’t throw away the feelings of someone who traded their life for yours.” Then Tabris stopped radiating that stern air, hid the iron hand in that soft velvet glove, and stepped forward to stroke Shinji’s face with a glove of kid leather. “Did you have a good afternoon?”

“Please don’t be upset with them,” Shinji said, looking as pitiful as he could while he leaned into the touch. “I could have said no to Kaji. I just wanted to know more about you.”

“There are things I won’t tell you, and things I can’t,” Tabris, or was it Kaworu when he was in the clothing of a gentleman instead of the raiment of the Prince of Hell, admitted apologetically, “but these two don’t know as much as they think they do.”

Shinji didn’t need to turn to look to know that Misato was giving him a death glare.

“Since we’re already in London, would you like to go somewhere?” Tabris asked him. “Perhaps a tour of some of the museums?”

Shinji nodded, willing to agree to anything that got them out of this flat without anyone getting hurt.

“As long as you’re alright.”

“I am alright,” Shinji promised him, relieved. “They didn’t try to hurt me or attack me or…”

“Shinji, while it’s admirable of you to want to protect a friend and someone else you just met, one of my titles _is_ Prince of Lies. I know when someone is lying to my face.”

And Kaji had hit Shinji over the back of the head, which definitely qualified as an attack. Shinji paled. “Sorry.”

“Why should you apologize for having a kind heart?” Tabris asked him. “If I found a four-leaved clover, should I expect my lucky find to apologize for being different? Well, perhaps that is the way of humanity.”

“Don’t act so superior,” Misato said fiercely.

“I will stop acting superior when you humans stop being inferior,” Tabris said, amused. “With a few exceptions.”

“Acting like this, when you’re just a parasite… Free my father!” she demanded.

“He wouldn’t let me undo our bargain,” he told her. “His body, for your life. Do you have so little concept of what it is to be loved? As for freeing him,” now he laughed. “No one in this world is free. With your father dead, you have more freedom than most women, but you’re still a _subject_. And if you married,” a glance at Kaji, “you would lose what freedom you have. All you humans enslave each other, so that is clearly the way of your world. When in Rome, why should I be any different? Shinji was his father’s property, and now he is mine, and am I not a kinder master?” he asked the young man who was so content to stand there and be touched by a devil. “I’ve done nothing but treat you humans more kindly than you treat each other.”

Misato grabbed a bottle of wine, and now Shinji felt the press of what could only be Tabris’ power, his soul, heavy in the air. She dropped, and Kaji ran to catch her. The bottle of wine dropped from her limp hand, but not fast enough to break on the heavy plush carpeting of the floor.

Kaji looked up at Tabris. Tabris’ eyebrows rose, looking surprised and mildly curious: Shinji turned back to Kaji in time to see a rueful smile on Kaji’s face.

Tabris turned back to Shinji. “She’s fine. Merely asleep. I couldn’t have her burn her own father’s body alive with sacramental wine. Shall we go?”

“Um,” would they let him into the museum like this? A lower-class boy Shinji’s age: people would wonder why on earth one of the gentry was being friendly towards such a person, and they’d be tailed by security the entire time, waiting for him to put his filthy hands on something.

“There’s a change of clothes in the coach,” he was told, so he followed Tabris out with one glance cast back at Kaji, who was laying Misato out on the loveseat. 


	13. Chapter 13

Singing. Not the madwoman, singing to the bundle of rags they let her have to keep her docile, and so they could point her out to the people who paid for tours.

A male voice, young and light but not boyish. Singing in time with the hand that stroked her hair, the warmth that rippled through her.

The drugs must have worn off, she realized, blood running cold. She was still comely, despite her time in the asylum. They knew that wouldn’t last long, and they also knew that she was a fighter, so they drugged her before letting any of the special guests have her. Unless they wanted a fighter, but she wasn’t strapped down.

Except she couldn’t feel the air anywhere but her head and her fingertips, fabric that might have been long sleeves draped over even her hands. Much better than the asylum’s scratchy stuff, when it wasn’t sackcloth outright, since the inmates were more entertaining when it scratched them, left them unable to sit still.

Hatred rose up at her, and she wanted to rage, wanted to scream: demons and devils, all of them demons and devils, but the song grew louder, as though in answer, and it enfolded her like the sea surrounded the land, washed over it like the waves grinding stone against stone on the beach, wearing them down against each other, sharp jagged rock into pebble into sand that could bear her weight without cutting her to the bone.

_Mother?_ Misato heard, and it took her a moment to realize that the voice was her own, the thought was her own, that some part of her knew this voice. Not as _her_ mother, no, but a mother. Mother. The primal mother of the sea that rocked ships with the rhythm passed down, and down, through generations, through hands rocking cradles. It became impossible to think of the voice as male, when something deep within her recognized it as All-Mother, Earth-Mother, the Gaia the Greek gods feared, the treacherous sea that swallowed ships and men alike and she could feel her consciousness drifting away again, borne away on those waves, with that warm rhythm, if she’d ever truly been consciousness. She wouldn’t think of such fanciful things in her right mind. She wouldn’t imagine pagan gods when she knew the devil was real. Even if she had to be imagining that the rhythm she felt was the rocking of coach wheels on a cobblestoned street. Dreaming of rescue from the asylum. Rescue or release? They’d never let that happen. The only thing left was sale, but the fear slipped away, the light pushing her into darkness.

* * *

Air on her legs, and that might have brought a moment of panic if her upper body wasn’t still clothed in something that felt textured. Movement, her right leg moving.

Water. Heated water. A hot bath, and she had to be dreaming, so it was alright to step forward, and sink down as hands on her shoulders bade her, and let the towel be pulled away as she sank into the warmth.

Hands, none of them with a single callus. All of them scrubbing, soon with washcloths and brushes and she turned over with someone supporting her head and oh, how long had it been since she didn’t itch? The _brushes_ , the brushes stroking her back, and they must be rubbing her skin raw. If this was real, it couldn’t be good, but she didn’t care _what_ they did to her as long as they kept brushing.

It was only when she was turned over again so they could clean somewhere else that she screamed and kicked, screaming again, this time with satisfaction as well as rage when she heard a couple quick cries of surprise (even if there was no pain). A hand on her back as she surged to her feet, trying to open her eyes, and darkness.

* * *

Sweetness on her tongue. Fruit. An _orange_ , when had she last had an _orange_ , they were the stuff of Christmas stockings! She opened her mouth for the next bite, and it was another bit of orange, and then a piece of egg on toast. She made a disgruntled noise, and got another bite of orange, followed by another piece of egg on toast. The bits of orange got smaller, but at least the egg on toast had butter, and taste: it wasn’t asylum food, even if it wasn’t _oranges_. Also, she found, she was hungry. She was actually hungry. It had stopped being an effort to go on hunger strikes, and in fact it was something of an effort to eat enough that they didn’t force-feed her with the hose. She simply hadn’t had any appetite anymore, especially not for the asylum’s choice of half-rotten food or plain porridge, but now she did.

Perhaps it was the sunlight beating down on her face, arms, legs… she was lying down on cloth, towels, and at least there was another towel over her torso, but why were her limbs uncovered?

When the last of the orange and egg on toast were gone, she still had room but she abruptly stopped feeling actively hungry. Someone shifted (they were sitting next to her side), and she felt a hand on her head, heard a murmur turn into song. It was easy to drift off.

* * *

She was seated on some padded surface, a chair or perhaps a couch, and she could feel stockings, skirts, a tightness around her midsection that could only be a corset, although she was too young for one when they put her away. Clothes, real, grown-up clothes, the kind that people who were treated like people had.

A pair of fingers touched her forehead, and her eyes opened.

A parlor, with fine furniture and a tea set with plates of scones and sandwiches laid out on a silver tea tray in front of her. Ruby-red carpet under her feet, a dark, rich plush, and the couch she saw on was white brocaded with blood-red roses. Everywhere, the white of purity mingled with reds, from the fresh, bright blood to that which oozed out, drop by drop, from the deepest veins. Colors of passion and all the forbidden things.

Compared to those living reds, the eyes of the youth beside her, or at least the thing that resembled a youth, were a pallid color, more orange than red. His pupils were slit, like a cat’s. Had she just never noticed that before, or had he changed her father’s body yet further?

The wings were gone, and he wore a well-fitted suit. It wasn’t the severe lines her father, once a priest, had favored, but even though she would have liked to say he looked the dandy about town in it, like one of the tourists that came to the asylum, no one would have worn something this fine and clearly expensive where one of the inmates or lower-class people on the tour could get filth on it.

He was putting a white kid glove back onto one of his hands – was he the one who touched her to waken her? With his bare flesh? – instead of looking at her. Perhaps he thought she hadn’t had years to get over being stared at, perhaps he thought looking away while she composed herself might frighten her less.

She grabbed the tea tray.

White-silver light flared, and everything on the tray went flying. Tea, scones, sugar and milk and sandwiches: they hit the couch, the table, the immaculate carpet, the walls and the paintings hung on them, even her, but nothing touched him. The tray was solid enough not to crumple, even when she tried to strike him again, and again, but hitting the wall only dented the silver, and if even silver couldn’t break through what could?

She reached for the cross at her neck and found it gone.

“It would be a shame,” she heard, “for your father’s gift to have escaped their pilfering hands for all those years,” only because it was a trinket with no value, nothing but plain ceramic, “only to be destroyed by me. It will be given to you when you leave here.”

“Why, why have you brought me here?” she demanded, chest heaving with exertion and anger.

“Because I found that my idea of what constituted taking care of someone and Lorenz Keel’s did not coincide.” The devil snarled soundlessly. “There was nothing that your father could have done to fight off my possession, but when he saw them move to attack you, he stopped struggling and begged me to stop them. Offered me his soul and his compliance if I granted that one wish. When we returned to England, I was assured that you would be taken somewhere that you would be looked after. _After,_ not _at.”_

How long was she there? The winters were bitterly cold, but she hadn’t counted them. She was taller than she used to be, and her hands, her hands looked so different. So pale, almost as pale as he was. She hated these new hands.

He watched her as she examined herself. Was he expecting her to recriminate him? She still remembered the conversation, the last time she saw him, when Keel had a manservant drag her away and then the men from the asylum came for her. He hadn’t known where she was going, he hadn’t cared. If a devil had arranged for her care, then she might have been sold to a brothel, or white slavers, to be kept in one of the rooms with little cots for the rest of her life.

They needed to discredit her: of course they wouldn’t have freed her. She would have been locked up _somewhere_.

Was she supposed to thank him for saving her from that vile place? Never.

“What are you going to do with me?” she asked finally, in lieu of ‘why?’ Since ‘why, why take me from that place, why have me bathed and clothed?’ invited him to lie again, act as though he cared how she was treated.

“More clothes are being made for you,” he told her. “An agent of mine is looking into finding you a house in London, and a source of income. Both of them will be signed over to you, so you can do with them what you like.”

“As though I’d,” she started to say heatedly. Take charity? From the devil?!

“Think of it as taking them away from Keel,” he told her, saying the name with distaste. “The bills will all be passed on to him. If there’s anything else you’d like, within reason, I’d be happy to help you run up some more.”

Such a petty revenge, but more than she’d ever thought she’d have, some of those dark, despairing nights.

“A home will need furniture, and such things,” he said, waving at the room. That wave of his hand swept up all the tea things, except the tray she still held, onto the table. All the scattered foodstuffs vanished, and even the carpet was left pristine. “If I’m with you, I can have everything charged directly to his accounts.”

“So you’re living on his charity?” she said, wild-eyed and desperate to seize on any triumph she could.

“No.” A dark smile. “Although if it had taken much longer for him to realize that I was a King, not a songbird he could trick into a gilded cage, I would have had the pleasure of putting him in his place by arranging his death.” And sending him to hell, when Lucifer owned his soul. “He bargained with me for youth and a long life, but I did have the pleasure of reminding him that even if I broke that promise and had to release his soul, he was still damned so, so very many times over. Almost all of you humans are eager to sell your souls, and I’m not foolish enough to give any of you total control over who I see and who I offer my little bargains. One of my dear children had this manor built for me. I’ve acquired a great many things over the past few years, and I don’t only deal in bodies and souls. I spoke to your father when I decided to do an inventory, and he asked after you.”

“What if I had died?” Misato asked. “Would you have had to give him his body back?”

“I took it by force,” he reminded her. “As long as this body is alive, his soul remains alive, and not in hell, but all I do with my power over his soul is keep it asleep, since otherwise he’d be forced to watch everything I do. I don’t think you’d want that, am I correct?” he asked her with a serene smile, a trace of mockery still in his eyes, even if nowhere near as much as when he’d spoken of those who sold him their souls. “What about you? Would you like to sell me your soul? I’d be willing to have an alchemist craft a homunculus for his soul to inhabit, but I don’t think he’d like that very much, if you sold yourself just so that he could have a little temporary freedom?”

“Well,” she started to say with nothing more than a bit of venom, but then the rage slipped out into “how does he think I feel?! I didn’t even like him, he loved his work instead of me and my mother, we were just an excuse for him to quit his vows! And then he gives up his life and his chance to do his work for me!”

The playful air had vanished, and he seemed more ancient than the mountains (and he very likely was). “As a father myself,” he told her, “The choice he made seems inevitable. If he had made any other, if his panic for his own life made him ignore your peril, then he would be roasting on the coals even now.” And _deserve it_. “You humans,” and now his lips curled with contempt. “They awoke a being they consider the embodiment of evil, consumed with hatred for your race, wanting nothing more than to torture you eternally, with infinite cruelty, and they _offered me a child_.” How disgusting, how utterly vile, beneath the contempt of even Satan himself. “If it were not for your father, Misato Katsuragi, I would have unleashed the legions of hell and begun the cleansing of this world upon the day of my awakening.”

Somehow, that made it easier.

If she could tell herself that he hadn’t really done it for her. That he wasn’t damned just because of her. A hero that saved the world, or at least delayed its destruction: that was a nicely abstract sacrifice. A heroic martyr, when for years she’d thought that it was all her fault.

Maybe he’d seen Lucifer’s revulsion. Maybe, as he battled with the spirit inside his mind, he saw Lucifer’s resolution to destroy the Sons of Adam and tried to trick it, placate it, pretend to love for her he didn’t have…

Somehow, that made it easier to love him, instead of thinking _why did you do this to me_? Why save her, only for her to go to the asylum? Had he lost his soul, body, life, and so little came of it?

She, she’d _make_ something come of it. She’d stop the devil from unleashing the demon hordes by sending him back to hell!

* * *

“By the way, Shinji,” Tabris said while they were in the coach on the way home after a very late dinner.

“What is it, K-Master Tabris?” Shinji asked, looking up from the tied parcel. They’d had most of the books delivered to the manor, since it wasn’t done for their sort to walk around town carrying bags like servants, but he’d clasped this book to his chest after Tabris insisted on buying it for him. They’d still gotten it wrapped, since it was unseemly for even minor nobility to have an interest in cooking, of all things. It was one thing to plan seating arrangements and ensure that the meal would be in fashion, but the actual cooking was one of the things servants were for.

Things from the distant islands east of China were in fashion, so the bookseller had led the young Mr. Nagisa, who had inherited his father’s more eclectic interests, towards that section with thoughts of inveigling him to purchase a book on flower arranging, or folktales or some fitting thing for the young lady.

‘Kaworu’ had snapped up the books of folktales, making a reference to demons that went over the man’s head and made Shinji have to remember to giggle, not laugh, and a book on flower arranging for Touji’s sister, who was in charge of harvesting flowers from the greenhouse and distributing them over the rest of the house. Of course both of them wanted the music books, but the man had suggested perhaps they might want to serve exotic Nipponese dishes at a garden party and opened up the book to show woodcut illustrations.

Shinji didn’t know what half the exotic things mentioned were, but when he looked doubtful, Kaworu mentioned that his family had an import-export business, something his father set up and still dabbled in sometimes because of how he’d enjoyed his travels on the Continent and elsewhere, and he was sure their factors could acquire anything his fiancée wanted posthaste, and after years of school food, Shinji really did want to try to make delicious things, not just for Tabris but for himself.

He was learning to make all the things Hikari and the others could teach him, but the sacrifices hadn’t exactly had access to a very varied diet or the culinary delights of the world themselves. There were dishes mentioned in books, things they saw at the market, things Tabris had mentioned eating elsewhere and enjoying at some point, and they did have a couple English and French cookbooks, and a German one purchased after Asuka requested some things Hikari had never heard of, but that was it. It had seemed like more than enough to Shinji, but even though when they went out to eat there were things on the menu he hadn’t recognized, he hadn’t thought that he could make ‘curry’ and ‘miso’ and so many other exotic things himself. Maybe. If he didn’t ruin the dishes, but at least he’d have Hikari to help?

So caught up in his thoughts, it took him a moment to register that Tabris had asked him, “Are you fond of Kaji?”

He blushed, and said, “Well, I don’t think I’m _fond_ of him, exactly… He’s nice?” Why was Tabris asking. “I hope you don’t say he can’t come to the manor again because of what happened.”

“What’s a little kidnapping between friends?” Tabris laughed, far from unkindly. “So you’d be sad if you never saw him again?”

“Um… I don’t know about that?” Especially since Shinji was in a dress now, and someone asking their ‘fiancee’ if they liked another man? “He was just nice to me.”

“And not very many people have been nice to you,” Tabris knew, putting his hand on Shinji’s, where it rested on the book.

Shinji was caught by those gentle red eyes, by that hand on his, by Tabris wanting Shinji to know how precious he was, that Tabris would always be nice to him now, but “Why do you ask?” he said when he broke free, warmth still rising in his chest.

“Because Dr. Akagi the Younger just shot him,” Tabris explained, as casually as if they were discussing how an early rain was affecting the price of tea in China, “And I wanted to know if you would like him brought back to life.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

He should have locked down Ritsuko’s gun, Kaji knew. He really should have. He’d found out that she was sleeping with Gendo Ikari and giving him information about what the old men had her do for them on the side only after Yui returned and she became the Woman Scorned, and he should have thought about what it meant, that she’d kept that from him and Misato the whole time.

Maybe he’d let the incubi’s view of the whole thing infect him a little too much. Sure, Gendo Ikari was a handsome devil, and Ritsuko was a sorceress in her own right and had a right to get what she wanted. He should have considered that the elder Akagi had made an effort to get her daughter enough protection to have something of a normal upbringing, which came with a normal view of the world. He’d assumed from how she was obviously sleeping with Maya that she wouldn’t fall for an old bastard like that, not when she had someone that loved her, but since when was anyone’s heart rational?

He’d known that she was nominally there on Gendo’s behalf, she’d told him that up front with a long-suffering look (what a mess he’d gotten himself into this time and she hoped he had a good line of bullshit ready to feed Gendo), but then Keel’s goons burst in, and word had gotten around about his little gun trick: they had knives and sword-canes.

Kaji’d made the mistake of assuming that if Ritsuko was here to kill him, she wouldn’t have been hefting a gun, which wouldn’t work, but instead the long poniard she kept in her umbrella. The blade was undoubtedly coated in exotic substances, she was an alchemist after all, but she’d just smiled when he asked her what, exactly, was on it and what it might do to unwary hands.

 In the moment after he heard the gun go off, the one he was worried for was her.

There was no way he’d be able to escape from that many of them, but she was an alchemist. Skilled alchemists were valuable: none of them were going to rough her up, as long as she stayed out of the way, but once she got involved they’d have to subdue her, and if she was already captured and in Keel’s hands, then he might just hang on to her. Point out that she’d killed one or maybe even more of his men and he couldn’t have that.

He’d had just enough time to wonder what she thought she was doing, why she’d bother, Misato’s friend from finishing school or not, his brain, already sped up from staring at all those sharp pointy things and anticipating being dragged back to Keel’s and his tender mercies, registered the bullet that just slammed into his chest.

Misato was the one who taught her how to shoot.

Maybe it was a mercy, a twisted favor for Misato. Giving her former paramour a quick, clean death.

He’d raised an eyebrow at Tabris earlier: was the devil really not going to punish him, not even say anything to him?

One of those silver eyebrows had arched right back at him, because why should Tabris take the time to discipline Kaji? When he could be spending an afternoon on the town with Shinji instead? It wasn’t as though Kaji would have much time in which to benefit from any lessons he learned from some punishment. Did Kaji really think he wouldn’t be dead or in a torture cellar by nightfall?

Which begged the question of how Tabris knew about either of the other people who’d thought he was acquiring Shinji for _them_ today, but it was all pretty moot now, he knew, floating in red darkness and wondering when the welcoming committee would get here.

He wasn’t sure whether Ritsuko just shooting him was a mercy or not. He’d _seen_ what the torturers got up to, been in at a couple interrogations even though he preferred other methods and wished they’d call in an alchemist to whip up a truth potion (Kaji’d bought immunity to that, but he’d seen enough people under the influence that he should be able to imitate the effects) at the beginning instead of getting their rocks off first. At least Keel believed in information first, entertainment later, but he would be making an _example_ of Kaji. Arranging for Tabris to be elsewhere: Kaji was sure he’d set someone else up to take the fall for providing the distraction, but even so Keel had done something and Kaji had promised results, obtained results, and delivered those results to someone _else_. He was in for it, and he’d known that, but _everyone_ seemed to think that Shinji was important, and he was a good kid. Shinji would want to help Misato, and he’d just shrink back if he was taken before some representatives of the government peering down their noses at the catamite instead of becoming a loyal agent and helping them do something about the Prince of Hell in London, one way or another.

Misato was the only one of them who wouldn’t have Kaji killed or clapped in irons and interrogated if he didn’t bring her Shinji. So maybe that was the reason she got him.

She should have everything else he knew by now. Even the things he hadn’t wanted to tell her before. He’d wanted her to think he’d made his bargain with one of the other devils. Selling himself to her enemy…

A paralyzing warmth gripped him, a sense of being held carefully by something very sharp, like a mama cat biting her baby’s neck to carry him to safety, and yep, looked like he’d been noticed. He was a sorcerer, even if most people thought he wasn’t much of one. Misato wasn’t the only one who didn’t know he’d bargained with Tabris personally instead of being one of Ramiel’s. Power over technology was Iruel, of course.

He felt as though he was moving, but he didn’t even feel the liquid he was immersed in (the River Styx?) flowing over his skin. Kaji knew he didn’t have the head for all that spiritual stuff, or was this just his mind trying to make sense of what was going on? He _felt_ like he was heading upwards, but he couldn’t be headed for heaven, so was that just how he was envisioning someone grabbing him and hauling him up out of the water?

Hands cupped his face, and pushed him in a direction that was probably up.

The command to _Breathe_ resonated in his bones.

His mouth opened and he drew in a heaving breath, opening his eyes to see the moon through panes of clear glass.

Huh. He was in the birdbath.

He felt a little weak in the kne-nope, weak in the just about everywhere. Like he was a bundle of wet noodles. Made sense, what with having just come back from the dead and all. Someone was holding him upright, someone shorter than him. He glanced down: Yes, probably Tabris, although Kaji wasn’t sure if it was that none of the others _could_ bring people back to life, or none of them _would_ without permission.

Tabris had flat-out refused to grant immortality. The point was to acquire souls, was it not, he’d said acidly long before Kaji came onto the scene. The longer they lived, the longer it would take him to get their souls. Letting humans move their souls into other bodies and bringing back the dead both strayed a little close to that, although none of the fallen angels balked at curing diseases.

So that begged the question of why the hell was he ali-

He grabbed Tabris’ shoulders, shaking him roughly. “Misato, tell me you didn’t… Not Misato.” Please.

“I used your original body: unlike Yui you weren’t decomposed, you just need a little blood,” Tabris told him, looking down at one of the hands on his person. Kaji removed them hurriedly. “And you were brought back from the grave because Shinji said that he would miss you.”

“Shinji?” Shinji did that, for him? No, Kaji realized. Tabris did that for Shinji? Revived the dead so casually? The Inner Circle seemed to think that Shinji was important in some way, besides Tabris wanting to spoil him: were they right? Since it was starting to seem more and more like there was more to this than Tabris being an ancient fallen angel with a cute young thing.

“That’s, Master Shinji to you.” Tabris’ tone was more amused than scolding. “Your body and life are no longer your own, if they ever were, since you managed to lose them. Since he wanted them, they are now his. You are also no longer a living human, but a damned soul: if I restored your life to you, then I would have had to restore your free will.”

That did not sound good.

“You are a sinner, risen from the grave.” Tabris looked over at the edge of the bird bath. “And since Shinji is the reason you have returned to this world, he has volunteered to give you your first meal.”

Kaji turned to see Shinji standing there, a little nervous. Kaji blinked, and a cocktail of nervousness and arousal hit his senses, eyes zeroing in on the neck.

He realized that he’d lunged only when Tabris yanked him back by the hair. He _whined_.

“It’s alright,” Shinji said encouragingly, as though Kaji needed encouragement right now. Tabris was using his hair like a leash, though, so he could only step forward as fast as Tabris would let him: looked like the fallen angel had no intention of letting him get up enough momentum to tackle Shinji to the ground and cover him, and that was when Kaji realized that he was naked.

“Kneel,” Tabris ordered, and Kaji’s knees hit the ground. He was just grateful they’d left the pool and he was on grass instead of marble. “Lick first, then slide them in _carefully._ Don’t try to tear: they’re a serpent’s fangs, not a wolf’s, and they’ll snap off if you try to use them to cut.”

Good to know, thought a distant part of Kaji’s mind, but most of him was either stunned or busy with looking up at Shinji beseechingly, trying to get that neck lowered into range. It occurred to him that Tabris had a neck, but apparently fallen angel was off the menu. Shinji smelled delicious, sweet, tender and most of all juicy, while Kaworu smelled like bone and weathered rock drenched with salt spray.

Shinji crouched down, and Tabris’ instructions instantly vanished from Kaji’s head. He licked because Shinji was one of the most lickable things he’d ever seen. The feel of the fangs sliding home, piercing that skin made him shudder, something flowing from them into Shinji, and then they withdrew, leaving behind two gently seeping holes.

Stroking Kaji’s hair, Shinji looked up at Tabris. All of that moaning, the attention lavished on his neck, but “When you said his body was mine, did you mean you wanted me to…”

“You find him attractive,” Tabris said with a smile, touching Shinji’s face. “This isn’t the only way he can feed, but he lost blood when he was shot, so best to replenish that directly while he’s still new-made and weak.” Instead of feeding on Shinji’s seed for his first meal? “If you enjoy him, he shall be your first concubinus.”

“…but I want to be yours,” Shinji said weakly.

Tabris leaned forward to kiss him, pressing Kaji’s body between them. “You are mine,” he assured Shinji, “but that doesn’t mean he can’t be yours. I want you to have every pleasure, every joy life offers. I was going to give you Kensuke as your concubinus, but you asked for him to remain Iruel’s.”

“He loves Iruel,” Shinji said in a small voice. “Or at least he thinks he does. He’s happy, but… Does Iruel care for him at all?”

Tabris looked thoughtful. “Not the way I care for you. I’ve asked her to take him as her familiar as well as a knight, since it seemed as though that would make you happy, but my daughter is used to being loved, by those she has freed from their terror. There is nothing that makes Kensuke special to her.”

What made Shinji special to Tabris at all? “What if it was willing?” Shinji asked. “ _Would_ it be willing?” Would Kensuke love her or try to flee in fear and revulsion if his mind was freed from the enchantment?

“I don’t know,” was Tabris’ response. “A father should help their children find happiness, so I will consider Iruel. For now, though?” his fingers dug themselves into Shinji’s hair. “Doesn’t the thought of having him in your bed make you happy?”

“But while he’s in my bed, you wouldn’t be.”

“I didn’t say that,” Tabris said, smiling. “Of course I’d want to be there while you enjoyed him, to see you in pleasure.”

Shinji’s breath hitched, and it was hard to keep himself from thrusting against Kaji. “You’re so kind to me,” he almost accused. “You’re so kind to me, and I can’t do anything in return, and that’s unfair to you, and you’ll get upset, and realize that you were just wasting your time on me, because I’m…”

Tabris silenced his self-hatred with a kiss. “Now I absolutely can’t take away this gift,” he said, when he released Shinji’s lips so the boy could breathe. “Or else you might think I believe that’s so. Shinji, just tell me. What do you want? What do you want, so I can give it to you, and make you happy?”

“I want you to want me,” Shinji knew. “Not someone else, but me. If you’re okay with me sleeping with someone else… Well, I’m not okay with you sleeping with someone else! It scares me, since I’m a coward! If you’re okay with me giving myself to someone else, does that mean you don’t want all of me?” He gulped. “And I thought… giving you my blood was something special. That it was something that only tied the two of us. But all of the sorcerers get to have a bit of you in them, and now even mine isn’t only yours…”

Tabris looked stricken. “I’m sorry, Shinji. That this isn’t making you happy the way I wished.” He took a step back and pulled Kaji from Shinji’s neck. “Shamshel’s power will protect you from the daylight. For now, sleep.”

When he peered up, he saw that Tabris looked stricken. "I'm sorry, Shinji. That this isn't making you happy the way I wished." He took a step back and pulled Kaji from Shinji's neck. "Shamshel's power will protect you from the daylight," he said, addressing the man he'd resurrected from the dead just to make Shinji happy, and Shinji felt horribly ungrateful for rejecting that gift. His father had to sell someone else's soul to get Shinji's mother back, because Tabris didn't think Gendo was good enough, but Tabris was willing to do that very same thing just to make Shinji smile? "For now, sleep."

Both of them helped Kaji lay down comfortably on the grass, before Tabris reached out his hand to Shinji. "May I try to salvage this night?"

"I'm sorry for ruining your gift," Shinji said wretchedly. "I'm so ungrateful." But was he really that special to Tabris, worth so much more than the father that told Shinji he was worthless? The blush that colored his cheeks wasn't only shame at his behavior: how could he reject Tabris' princely gift, what if the fallen angel had returned Kaji to the grave because Shinji was ungrateful, but...

But Tabris only smiled reassuringly, apologetically, clasping Shinji's hands in his. "Oh, Shinji, I'm the one who was thoughtless. You have so few friends, and to treat one of them as an amusement? I have been among the humans too long."

* * *

Kaji twitched, feeling water on his face.

The next time it wasn’t a few droplets: he opened bleary eyes to see that someone had cupped their hands together to carry over some water from the bird bath and dump it on him. “Good, you’re awake.”

“Mister Samarson?” Kaji asked, bewildered. No, right, he’d been knighted last year. “Sir Leland?”

“Your neighbors called for the police, saying you’d been shot and kidnapped. They passed it right on to the night desk, since people in high places are concerned about you.” The head of the London Times wasn’t the only one who knew that Kaji was a semi-public agent: as a reporter everyone would already know that he was out to gather information, so his identity wasn’t exactly something worth declaring top secret. They didn’t exactly bruit it about that he was government-employed too, but it should seem like more of a ‘your government wants a cut of the take too’ arrangement than anything else, about Civic Duty instead of real training and competence. “And an eerily handsome young albino gent called at Miss Katsuragi’s while you were in earlier. So this was the most likely option. Wasn’t expecting to see you first thing,” he said, glancing up.

Kaji saw the rope dangling from the panel in the greenhouse roof.

It was still early dawn: the only incubi awake would be the ones in the kitchens, who needed to get things ready before everyone else got up. The kitchens might be nearby, but it was their ovens that backed onto the garden, so the heat from them would help keep the place a decent temperature: there weren’t any windows that faced into the garden, and since the architect still had a thing about separating servants’ areas from master’s areas even though this wasn’t a normal manor, the path between the two was a lot more roundabout than it really should be.

It was reckless for him to drop down in here, but the head of the London Times could have told an entire newsroom where he’d popped off to, and you’d have to be mad to try to make him disappear, even if you had Keel’s level of political pull. Sure was convenient that Kaji’d been left out in plain sight, if you had read too many adventure novels and liked to get a bird’s eye view.

Except Kaji hadn’t been born yesterday. He gave his boss, or one of his bosses a long look. “You don’t smell human,” but that was completely unnecessary icing on a very fishy cake.

A shrug, and “I knew this was a silly idea.”

“You weren’t even trying,” Kaji accused the fallen angel on general principles as brown hair faded to white and black eyes acquired slit pupils. Come on, the head of a newspaper had to know more about what made a story believable than that. Now Kaji knew that the head of the London Times, the man who had more intelligence pass across his desk than _anyone_ else in the entire British Empire, no, the world, was possessed by a fallen angel? What made him think that Kaji wasn’t going to report this to someone?

The fact Kaji _didn’t have free will anymore_.

While there was life there was hope, and he was dead. Ritsuko had shot him. He was starting to get much more annoyed about that than he’d been at the time.

Another shrug was his answer: the fallen angel didn’t _need_ to fool him. Kaji would believe whatever his master darn well wanted him to believe. And _like_ it.

He _hoped_ his Master was still Shinji. And that the boy still had enough human in him to not want to take away Kaji’s imitation of a free will, no matter how happy he was in Tabris’ hands.

The fallen angel was standing up and dusting off his pant legs. “Come along,” he told Kaji. “Time to go speak to my Father and hope he’ll be more reasonable this time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a piece of official Halloween art where Shinji's a catboy/werewolf, Kaworu's a demon prince and Kaji's a vampire. Of course I just had to complete the set.
> 
> The other fallen angels' jealousy was originally going to be a source of intrigue on par with SEELE; Yui's and Gendo's little coven; and Misato and the government's attempt to repel the demonic invasion, partially because things happening outside of the relationship of the main characters would have helped create a sense of time passing, time for them to learn about each other, for Shinji to learn to trust Tabris. Also, both of the main planned secondary relationships got less screentime than planned in the final version, and while I did write a chapter about Asuka's backstory, she didn't get to do much plotting against SEELE, the way she would have if I wasn't focused on bringing the story to completion in a reasonable wordcount. I do hope that the plot doesn't suffer too much for being streamlined...
> 
> I agree with the theory that Shinji is attracted to Kaji in both the original series and Rebuild: the scene where he assumes that Kaji is asking him out is interesting if you know theory of mind. Why would Shinji assume that's what Kaji's doing, hmm? Unless it's what Shinji hopes, and/or what he'd be doing in Kaji's place, if he was saying something like that?
> 
> I was actually a little surprised that Shinji found the will to reject the gift, but remember the original series, how he finds the strength to struggle physically with the agents trying to restrain him in order to shout how worthless he is to Touji and Kensuke. It's his inadequacies and fear of rejection that drive him to do it here, not actual reluctance. However, even though Tabris would just have been happy that Shinji accepted and enjoyed the gift of Kaji, Shinji would have been tormented by guilt over 'betraying' Tabris, worry that this was entrapment, and that would have complicated things and made it take longer for him to trust Tabris.
> 
> The fact that he's really defied Tabris for the first time here, and Tabris truly isn't angry at him, only upset at himself for making Shinji unhappy, is really going to help Shinji learn to trust him. Unfortunately I've been too exhausted to do any writing for about a month now, but I'm hoping that I can come back later and write the fluffy sex that happened after they left Kaji. Until then, it'll be left to the readers' imaginations.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The symbolism of Leland's name: obviously having something similar to Leliel was a priority, but 'Leland' means 'land lying fallow.' Land that isn't being farmed/used, and people who have studied American history should know what the English opinion of that was. Basically, they claimed they practically had a moral imperative to steal property that wasn't being 'properly' used... Ignoring of course that the craft of Forestry, a kind of cultivation of land to produce food, had been in practice in Europe since forever, even if on a much, much more primitive level than in the Americas, and that the argument used to steal the land under cultivation by Native Americans applied equally well to the nobility's own game preserves, if managed hunting didn't count as land use and improvement.
> 
> It's Leliel's 'human' name, so he wanted to choose something that would indicate his opinion of humanity.
> 
> Samarson is roughly 'Son of the Evening,' a reference to Leliel's title of Angel of the Night, but also a reference to "Son of the Dawn," one of the titles by which Lucifer is addressed in the Bible. While I was finding something appropriate, I saw that Samar itself gets translated in a few ways: 'the darkness of night' but also 'evening conversations.'
> 
> Everyone remembers when Arael attempts to communicate with Asuka, showing Asuka what's in her own mind and causing Asuka to attempt suicide since she can't bear what she finds there. Rei blows herself up after talking to Armisael about what's really inside Rei's heart, but it's rarely mentioned that the first angel to attempt to communicate with a pilot was Leliel, and Shinji is the only pilot who doesn't try to kill themselves after this conversation, although this has more to do with Shinji than Leliel.
> 
> As the first angel that tried to study humanity, and an angel who took over a publication (the one Kaji works for) in Campus Apocalypse, it's appropriate that the fallen angel version of Leliel be the main one in charge of intelligence-gathering.

“Leliel,” Tabris said with more than a little disappointment when the fallen angel entered his sitting room, Kaji trailing along behind him. “Why not play along?”

“Why play along when it’s no longer necessary?” Leliel said in response. “If it ever was. Yes, it made things easier to be able to use their transportation and information networks, but we could have done it for you on our _own,_ Father! Within the year.”

The devil looked supremely doubtful as he lowered his cup of tea.

“Well, we could have gathered the resources to substitute for them that quickly,” Leliel said, defending himself. “The _disrespect_ , Father, the _disrespect!_ Thinking that they have anything you want, that isn’t yours by right!”

“But would we have known what to gather, where the lines of power lay… Leliel, you’re not saying anything that you haven’t said before.” Tabris gave Kaji a meaningful look. “For all you profess not to care for what the humans think, you’re saying it for his ears, not mine. This is not for them to know.” When Leliel opened his mouth to protest. “Yet, Leliel, yet.”

“When? And I do care what they think, when they think they can use you, that they can deceive you!”

“When you think I’m favoring one of them over you.”

“You are favoring him! Over all of us! A human, as…” Leliel was unable to say it.

“None of you appeal to me in that way,” Tabris said flatly, leaning forward over the desk. “And I am the arbitrator of that.”

“Yes, but you can have other children, even without a-“

“ _Leliel_ ,” Tabris said, and Kaji felt that will slam into the other fallen angel, send him to his knees. “If that were to happen, all of my children _including_ the chosen would _die_. You are my children, and I love you, and I do not want you to die. If _any of you_ starts _that_ , I will kill that one myself, so that the others may be spared. You are the one who has been contaminated by humanity, to think _that_ is a desirable fate, much less an honor, instead of a horrible necessity that _is not necessary_ in this place. Given the situation in which I find myself.”

“Given the humans,” Leliel said bitterly.

“Yes,” Tabris agreed. “Given the humans. Not having to watch my children kill each other is a _wonderful_ silver lining. Some days, when Israfel sings for me, or Ramiel sports in the skies, or you spend the entire New Moon Ceremony fussing over me from the shadows and if I’m being treated as I deserve, I could almost thank _her_ for it.” Tabris sighed and picked up the tea again. “Leliel, you’re old enough now that there should be more to your existence than that instinct. You _like_ Shamusiel. Why are you so eager to slay your own sister?”

“Yes, but, after years of telling us that you’ll never consider it, now a _human_?”

“I admit that if it was necessary, he would be my choice,” Tabris said tartly, “but it is not necessary and I am fond of Shinji, therefore I do not want to devour his soul. You need have no fear that he will ever be given that ‘honor’ by my hands. And you are still asking these questions of me in front of a human.”

“He’ll be made a demon soon enough. One of your _adopted_ children.”

“Leliel…” Tabris sighed, pushed back his chair and came around to the front of the desk. “Come here,” he said, opening his arms.

The fallen angels embraced: since Tabris’ form was younger, he was the shorter of the two, even though Leliel’s stolen body sagged in his arms.

“You,” Tabris said when he released Leliel, still holding the fallen angel’s hands. “Need more friends. Yes, the members of SEELE and their spawn and those who are tempted by the things they propose are vile, but not all humans are like that. They have brought me sweet children as sacrifices, loyal children, loving children. Just as this world is wasted on the humans, so are those children. You’re one of the ones who studied the human means of subjugating other humans and suggested the sacrifices they kept bringing us be trained as loyal viceroys, and now I find you are upset that they are loyal, and worthy of consideration for it? They may be her spawn, but we all spring from the same stock. I understand why it’s important to you to be superior to the men of SEELE, for they are vile and wish for all other humans to suffer and die so they may be exalted, but even though it is natural for you to want your parent’s love, this desire of yours to simply take from the humans, so see them ground beneath our heels…”

“It’s how they treat each other,” Leliel countered. “You appointed me your master of spies and interrogator: they _are_ vile. The sacrifices have only learned compassion for others because they have experienced being treated as the lowest of the low, and even they often have some level of contempt for those who are different so they have _someone_ to feel superior to!”

“This need to feel superior to someone else, to demand that they be inferior so you can feel that you are good as well as powerful, and demand to have dominion over them…” Leliel criticized it in humans, but Tabris’ expression was disappointed now, not mocking the way it would be if a human misstepped like this. “You, my child, need something else to make you feel happy, besides thoughts of me and the work you do in my name. You have worked so hard to claim this world: I want you to _enjoy_ it.”

“Take a vacation?” Was Tabris suggesting that Leliel take a vacation? The fallen angel seemed stunned, almost hurt. “Leave my work undone? I’ll take a vacation when you are secure and have taken your rightful place!”

“You haven’t taken a vacation since I was freed and you were born,” Tabris pointed out, and Kaji’s eyes widened.

They were _born_ when Tabris was freed? He’d thought they called Tabris their father since he was the paterfamilias, their replacement for God the Father. Was Tabris talking in some sort of metaphorical sense? Like reborn as fallen angels instead of angels?

“I want you to make friends, Leliel,” Tabris continued, neither of them seeming to notice Kaji’s shock. “Your siblings are a start, but you’ve never had a familiar companion. Even Iruel has her Knights, and Ramiel his Eight Faces.” The fallen angel’s favored hosts, who could wield his power and lightning even when he was not inside them. “Israfel has their foster parents, and Cecelia thinks herself a human and has friends close to her own age. She did that in order to help her selves learn compassion for them. This may be our world, but they still live here. The decision whether or not to allow them to continue to live here is mine, and I made it.”

“Yes, borrowing a page from their book, but they still _subjugate_ the natives! Try to force them to live according to their master’s laws. I know you’ve seen a factory that isn’t Iruel’s, Father! I know that Zeruel has shown you how they fight their wars, and what happens to those left by the wayside! All the reports bragging of atrocities that cross my desk, and even worse, the ones gloating about them! ‘How benighted these savages are, how much they need our enlightened intervention, their lives will be so much better once their homes are stolen and they’re made to labor for our benefit… Except it’s true! Iruel’s experiments have been successful for over a decade! We _can_ control them en masse, or make them control themselves for us! We have the demons and incubi, loyal to us and to you, to serve as viceroys or help take control of local rulers! This world is in the palm of our hand, why will you not let us close your hands around it? We’ve worked so hard to give it to you, and you won’t accept our gift!” Leliel went to one knee before him, to show his loyalty to his Lord Father.

“And I,” Tabris said slowly, “was meant to give _you,_ or at least the second generation who could live after the first killed themselves to determine the strongest, a world. Where you could live and be happy. I don’t _care_ for dominion, Leliel. I’m not some human, demanding that his children forfeit all will of their own, do as their told, remain silent and never speak, never laugh, be nothing but ornaments of his household, trophies of his virility and tools. You are not my tool, Leliel. You are my child. It is my purpose to give a world to those who come after you. It is my _wish_ to give a world, and a life, to you. If you want to grant my wishes, grant that one. I know you find Kaji amusing and somewhat admirable. So, make friends. Shinji is his master: you may control his actions, in order to prevent him from doing anything that would jeopardize us, but not his mind or his heart. You will have to keep him fed, and allow him to visit Misato, because she would be sad if she thought him lost.”

“Feeding instructions, letting him go for walks: you’re giving me a _pet,_ Father?” Leliel asked, the ridiculousness of it almost leaving him exhausted.

Tabris put a hand on his son’s head. “I’ve given you the important work you asked for, the responsibility and attention for years. I gave you what you asked for, but you’re still so deeply unhappy, Leliel. I think having to deal with the unpleasant sort of humans so much has left you unable to remember that even though those people exist, and even if the way they abuse this world is disgusting, you should still be happy to be alive. There are many joys in this world. I want you to go find some. If you aren’t genuinely joyous on at least three occasions within the next week, I will have to resort to sterner measures. I think I’ll start by asking a few of the incubi to shower you with kisses.” Tabris smiled as Leliel winced with embarrassment. “You and Kaji have worked together for years. You’re somewhat fond of him, and his cleverness, and his devotion to Misato and the truth. If you didn’t sympathize with him, you wouldn’t want to have this conversation in front of him.”

Leliel’s face flushed. “I don’t… A human shouldn’t have any hint of these things! At least you’ve let me ban him from speaking of them, but if he’ll be meeting with Misato…. _Father!_ ”

“How is it a bad thing, to want to be honest with someone? There should be no lies between us… but humans are not ‘us,’ just like they consider those who are slightly different from them other and inferior. I will not have their attitudes infecting my children. Yes, we must keep them under control if we are to live among them, and placing them under more control would make them stop hurting each other. Our rule would end their suffering, be the Kingdom of Heaven SEELE craves, and I know that even though you want to believe that it’s all for my sake, part of you wants to hasten that day for their sake as well, because you hear of so much suffering and are unable to fully harden your heart against it.” Poor, poor dear child. “When the day you have worked for comes, then they will know who and what you are. Is that really something you fear? That all those who have discussed their stories, your work with you will shrink back in fear, avert their eyes? Leliel, I want you to think about what _you_ want. _You_ , not simply a dutiful son who loves their father, nor one of the firstborn meant to learn this world and sacrifice so those who come after you can dwell in it.” Tabris bent to kiss his forehead.

“You are a child I was never meant to be able to keep, Leliel. Your life is a gift this world has given me. How can I not be grateful to it? But you’ve spent your entire life just trying to be useful, because inside you’re still convinced that your life will be short, and you will not be the one to succeed in reaching me, and so all that will remain in this world are my memories of you and your service. It _saddens_ me, child. The thought that you have not lived, but merely prepared for your own death. You try so hard, work so hard to please me, and despite all your effort, the ones who please me more are the ones who prioritize their own happiness while preparing for the future, even the ones who still don’t really believe that they have a future and are merely trying to enjoy life while they have it, before they are sacrificed for the good of those who will come after.

“You haven’t taken any of the humans for your own, you haven’t made any servants that love you, because you don’t want anyone but me to miss you when you’re gone.” Such pity there, and the dignified, urbane, watchful head of the Times Kaji thought he knew as well as anyone did knelt there with his eyes closed and let Tabris gather that now-silver head to his chest.

“I want you to experience all the joys life has to offer, and friendship is one of them,” the father told his child, stroking that pale hair gently. “So you will take Kaji with you, so you will have someone to share your home with, but he will remain Shinji’s property, not yours.” Now, Tabris frowned down at the top of Leliel’s head. “And in future, child, when I tell you to do something, _I expect you to make an effort_.”

The fallen angel (born on earth instead of in heaven?) nodded sheepishly.

“Good. As long as you make an effort to find happiness, I won’t have to order you to take a vacation and do nothing but focusing on finding happiness. I would, but I’m sure it would make you unhappy to leave your job to anyone else for the duration, even Shamusiel.” Tabris bent to kiss his forehead. “Now, Shinji is almost done with breakfast, and you’ll have to get Kaji’s things moved in at your townhouse and work on how you’re going to manage to live with him. And his questions.” He took a step back from Leliel, who stood, straightened his coat and looked like he would be glaring if it weren’t for the fact he didn’t dare to glare at his Father.

“Are you really only fifteen?” Kaji asked.

Leliel grabbed his hair roughly and asked Tabris, “Where do you keep the collars?”

“I have absolutely no idea. Ask one of the incubi,” Tabris told him. “You’re going to need a few other things as well.”

“A leash and a ball gag,” Leliel said, looking annoyed enough to really be a fifteen year old, at least when the adults weren’t looking, ready to correct that kind of disrespectful attitude with a caning.

“I was thinking more along the lines of clothing,” Tabris said. “I got the blood out of what he was wearing when the alchemist shot him, but Hikari was going to see what could be done for the bullet holes.”

“What, darn them closed? That might be enough to get him home, but he’d have to have the servants take them to a rag shop regardless.” A gentleman couldn’t wear _mended_ clothing, and Kaji was barely a gentleman as it was, in the in-between occupied by the better class of reporters and common-born low-ranking military officers, not that most of London society knew about _that_. That just made it even more vital to keep up appearances.

“She has practice making threads rejoin themselves,” Leliel was told. “Once she’s gotten it down, I’ll copy the knack from her for the rest of the incubi, and you as well, of course.”

“Zeruel could use it.”

“I was thinking of Ramiel’s fondness for growing wings out through whatever he’s wearing at the time. It’s alright every once in awhile, but if I was aware how many hours my incubi were spending doing his mending…” Tsk tsk. Young man and their theatrics. “Well, at least he’s given Hikari a lot of different materials to practice on. By the way, I’d already had one of my agents contact movers to have Kaji’s things brought here, since he couldn’t stay in an apartment that was broken into like that. I’ll contact them to have the contents delivered to your townhouse instead, once they’re done boxing them up. Be sure to instruct your servants to let them in.”

Kaji almost expected a sardonic ‘Yes, Mother,’ but instead Leliel – except he’d have to remember to call his boss Sir Leland – bowed respectfully, said “Yes, Father” and took that as a sign to leave the room. Without releasing Kaji’s hair.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Not long after the heavy door swung shut, a succession of noises came from down the hall.

“What happened?” Tabris asked with a sigh, getting up again as Leliel reentered, half-dragging Kaji.

Leliel released him only once the door was closed behind them. “I couldn’t even get down the stairs before the thing you made him pounced one of your incubi. They struggled and snapped his fangs right off.”

“They grew back,” Kaji said, touching them gingerly. Thank goodness they did, and quickly too. That hurt worse than any toothache he’d ever had.

“You told me to feed him, but he says that fallen angels don’t smell edible.”

“Oh, yes.” Tabris looked as though he’d just come up with something. “Just leave that body while he feeds.”

“Leave the body?” Kaji echoed. They could do that without returning to hell? Even Ramiel always made sure he was in one body or another.

“Leave the body?”

“You cast out the soul that used to reside there, didn’t you? So it’s not as though it’s going to get up and walk away,” Tabris said, as casually as if they were discussing furniture.

Who had that body belonged to, once upon a time? What made the former head of the London Times pick a demon’s host as his successor, after the young man rose quickly through the ranks? Knowing a fallen angel’s powers, that explained how easy it was for Leland to get an interview. Kaji had about as easy a time, but his connections were government, not infernal. Looking back, Kaji didn’t think he’d ever met the real Leland. The name was too convenient: the demon must have picked it out, and Kaji had only known him by that name.

“You want him to see my true form?” Leliel asked Tabris.

“I’d like to see it.” The devil smiled and then looked deliberately nostalgic.

“My shadow won’t fit in this room,” Leliel pointed out.

“Then only project a little bit of it into this world?” Tabris asked, getting up from his desk and coming around to their side again, looking a little hopeful. “This body isn’t as large as my true form, either.”

Leliel start removing his jacket, cravat and pulling back his dress shirt to allow Kaji to get at his neck. Then he sat down on the loveseat and tilted his head back.

His skin and hair darkened to more human tones as darkness poured out of him, a shadow gliding along the floor until a strange black and white patterned ball appeared in midair above it, a foot and a half in front of Tabris.

The fallen angel cuddled it to his bosom and rested a cheek against it. He looked a picture of maternal contentment, but then red eyes opened, just a crack, and he smiled at the watching Kaji. “I thought you were hungry.”

“I actually don’t feel hungry anymore.” Huh. Why was that?

“Ah, I tied your body realizing that it was time to feed to the venom, since your human body’s sense of hunger was tied to human things,” Tabris realized.

Wait. “You’re the one who made me feel hungry like this? So you’re the one who decided it would be this strong?” Kaji was a little upset. “I just tackled someone!”

“In my defense, this is the first time I’ve made anyone undead,” Tabris said, then nuzzled Leliel for a moment and sighed. “But the truth is that I made you this way based on the stories of sinners risen from the grave mostly for my own amusement and Shinji’s pleasure. Since you brought this on yourself, and nearly caused Shinji and Misato a great deal of distress, your comfort was not really a priority. Undeath like this was a loophole in the rules I have set to avoid SEELE abusing their powers _too_ much, and you are a traitor several times over, even if there is no particular malice in you. Your options are to be a vampire or an unmoving corpse, but start drinking and I’ll see what I can do to adjust the hunger. One thing I did was make sure that fallen angels didn’t seem edible to you, because I couldn’t have you attacking my children. You would have to be destroyed for your insolence, and then I’d have to replace your body instead of simply repairing it. However, in truth, the blood of our hosts will contain more of the power that allows your body to continue to function. If Leliel had truly withdrawn all of his power from that body, it would not nourish you. Since you were meant to feed on Shinji’s power, and he is not a fallen angel, Leliel’s blood will leave you in need of replenishment less often than Shinji’s would have.”

“Misato’s distress?” That was what Tabris was concerned about, not Shinji’s kidnapping?

“I _am_ a father,” Tabris reminded him. “And you really should eat. If this was a human hunger, your stomach would be clawing at you right now. You only had an appetizer last night, not the meal I planned, and even if you had slept with a full belly, you would still be urgently in need of food by now, hence the timing of when your body replaces the venom.”

Venom: venom sacs? Like a snake’s? “Were you the one that designed snakes in the first place?” Kaji asked. “There’s a poet who thinks you’re responsible for the tiger, too.”

“So many questions, but you really need to eat.” Tabris looked at the body meaningfully.

Kaji carefully sat only half on his boss’ lap, with one leg braced on the couch, and tried to guess about where to bite without doing too much damage. The hunger wasn’t kicking in, and it was the instinct that came with the hunger that told him where and how to bite. Tabris had told him to lick first when he bit Shinji, right?

He did that, finally sunk the new fangs in, and there came the instincts, telling him to withdraw the fangs so they didn’t get broken if the prey moved suddenly. Lapping at the wounds came naturally too. His ears still tracked Tabris walking towards them, or towards him, examining him as he fed with the eye of a craftsman. “The venom controls the rate of blood flow, and makes sure that the marks will heal cleanly afterwards,” he was told. “But in order for it to have that healing power, it’s made with some of the vital fluid that you gain from your prey, the fluid that keeps you alive. For your sake, and also that of your prey, drink until you are full when you drink, and until you can drink no more if it’s Leliel, since a fallen angel has plenty of power. Your hunger will only drive you towards those who possess some scrap of power, but Shinji wishes for you to survive. If your body grows too low on vital energy, then your thoughts will begin to be consumed with the need for prey. It will be worse these first few days, since your body has no reserves.”

He nodded, and then felt Tabris’ hand in his hair, stroking it. Huh, he thought. If Tabris had reshaped this new body, then did that make him not just a sorcerer, not just a favored servant of Tabris’ favorite, but some degree one of the fallen angel’s children?

Kaji had read the Bible: the angels in there looked weird. A ball that floated in midair was so pedestrian in comparison he could definitely believe that it wasn’t the full, real thing. Even if Leliel was only fifteen, and cute, at least in Tabris’ eyes.

Tabris. Kaji should have suspected that the fallen angel was playing them somehow. He was the _devil,_ and that was what the devil did, outside of Irish folktales anyway, where they considered him one of the biggest suckers to ever do something goddamn stupid, because who would give up the position of God’s right-hand man? Who would rebel like that, challenge God and his forces to open combat, when if Lucifer had any brains he would have known that wouldn’t work and tried something sneaky? Kaji had done his research when he got involved in all of this. That was how he knew that Leliel was the angel of the night, even though he’d hadn’t known that there was a fallen angel named Leliel among Tabris’ children. How many fallen angels were there already on earth?

How many children did Tabris have, formerly human and formerly angel? What was this ritual they were talking about, where all the fallen angels were supposed to battle to the death? Perhaps to breed an army strong enough to challenge God?

He was hungry for answers more than blood, and if Tabris was right Leliel _wanted_ him to have them, at least on some level. Tabris wanted Leliel to have a friend, and Kaji was willing to cozy up to him, kicking and screaming, if that got him answers.

* * *

 

The London Post picked up and delivered mail several times a day, so it was just before tea that Misato called at Sir Leland’s townhouse.

After being led into Sir Leland’s study, she froze, eyes narrowing as her hand grasped the umbrella firmly.

Leland’s hair was silver.

He’d also seated himself behind the desk, putting the mass of the large writing desk with all its various compartments between him and Misato, which was entirely sensible and Kaji wished he was so lucky.

“Ritsuko shot me in the back,” Kaji told her.

“How does that constitute ‘I’m fine?’” she snapped back, referencing the brief letter he’d written her asking her to meet him here. Also implicitly asking why he seemed to be fine, when it was Misato who taught Ritsuko to shoot. “And how did you manage that?”

“I thought she’d drawn the gun for her own protection: I was a little distracted since I had a small horde of Keel’s bully boys after me with knives and sword canes,” Kaji said in his defense. “And I’m fine as in not dead.” He paused. “As in _undead_. Tabris brought me back as a favor to Shinji.”

Misato looked at the large bay window behind Leland’s desk. “What kind of undead?”

“One of our number is the Angel of the Morning,” Leland told her. “Kaji has no need to fear the sunlight.”

Misato looked back at him, and he could see her marshalling her thoughts. “You’re dead. Which of them did you sell your soul to?”

“He gave it to Shinji,” Kaji told her, glad he had an excuse not to say that he’d sold herself to her enemy, even if it was to try to find a way to fight them. “Since I’m not a sorcerer anymore, just a damned soul. That means…”

“You’ve lost your free will and they’re free to enchant you.”

“Shinji is, since he’s my owner. But before I was handed over to him, I don’t know all of what Tabris did to me when he was making me this way,” on top of adjusting Kaji’s state of undeath. “And since Shinji didn’t want me as a concubinus, I was handed over to Leliel, since it turned out he was my boss anyway.”

“One of them.”

“One of them,” Kaji acknowledged. “I can’t reveal their secrets now, so I wanted you to know you were going to have to rely on what I already gave you.”

“And Master Tabris wanted me to set up playdates,” Leliel said. “I feel as though I have had a large and overactive dog thrust into my orderly home. Anytime you’d like to take him off my hands, Miss Katsuragi, you’re welcome to him. Any time at all. Don’t worry about returning him intact: our Lord doesn’t need his body to revive him.”

Damn, Misato was clearly thinking. Well, it wasn’t as though she could have freed Kaji anyway. If he died, his soul would go right back down to hell.

“I’m actually on a strict feeding schedule for the first week,” Kaji said, since no, it wasn’t ‘anytime,’ since he didn’t want to even try to feed from Misato against her will. “Since my body’s still weak.”

“From being shot.”

“From being shot,” Kaji acknowledged.

“Have you told the royal guard yet? They’ll wonder what they were paying you for.”

“I was shot in the back by someone I trusted! It happens to a lot of people in my line of work.”

“We lose more reporters and ‘cultural attachés’ that way,” Leliel confirmed with entirely false regret. “No honor among humans.”

“So, how long have you been one of them?” Misato asked.

“I have always been one of us. If you mean this body, since before I started working at the London Times. Although I met you before then: I possessed the previous head for awhile, but he was getting old and I needed to keep his soul in the body for help acting like him.” Which was rather disgusting, having a human in there with him. “So I found another body so I could construct my own persona.”

“Information gathering,” she knew. “At least he needs to do it…” Opinions varied on how much omniscience the Morning Star possessed. Complete knowledge of man’s sins covered the majority of human endeavor. The desire to oppose him probably counted as wrath, or the desire to steal the vengeance that was God’s alone, that sort of thing. “Feeding schedule, you said. What will you be feeding to him?”

“Me,” said Leliel with a wry twist of his lips. “Which is why I’d be very happy if you’d take care of a few of them for me. I’m going to spend half my break for lunch with a human, well, vampire I suppose but he still used to be one of your sort, attached to my neck lunching on me. I can’t wait.”

Leland’s lunch breaks were jealously guarded: the door to his office wasn’t _locked_ , but that was only so he could fire anyone who burst in there despite standing orders, unless the building was actually on fire.

“You’re there almost the entire day, most days of the week,” Kaji said thoughtfully. “Does it bother you to have humans coming up to you all the time? Acting like they’re friends? And now Tabris made you let, well, an ex-human,” even if he hadn’t been exhumed, “into your home?”

“There were already humans here, even if they were kept unobtrusive,” Leliel said, a bit annoyed by whatever Kaji was implying. “Even fallen angels need some time to themselves. I spend every hour of the day and most of my own night drowning in reports of humans and your rampant animal cruelty. I don’t see how spending more time among you is going to cheer me up. But, it’s my father’s will.”

“And if Leliel doesn’t manage to be happy for once at least three times this week, Tabris threatened to put him on vacation,” Kaji told Misato.

“So you’ll be making his life the same as if he was living in hell, where he’s supposed to be?” At least Kaji was still Kaji, under the brainwashing that was undoubtedly there.

“Even if I can’t tell them to you, I want to see if I can get any secrets out of him,” he told her.

“What does feeding entail?” she asked him now.

“Blood and other fluids.” It wasn’t as though Misato was squeamish about those ‘other fluids.’ She’d been roommates with Ritsuko at a woman’s college, since the senior Akagi alchemist had wanted her daughter near someone with Tabris’ protection for the sake of Ritsuko’s protection. Several had thought a young _female_ alchemist in training was a vulnerable prize. Since Misato already knew, Ritsuko had no reason to refrain from satisfying her desires, and then she’d been kicked out of the apartment they’d rented together for a rather memorable week when Misato met Kaji, and Kaji, well. He couldn’t regret those days, even knowing where he’d ended up now.

“Other fluids?” she repeated, glancing at Leliel.

Kaji didn’t know, actually. “It’s a little odd, come to think of it. That we’ve only discussed blood. When some of the venom in my fangs to make it easier to feed is an aphrodisiac, and your father wanted you to have me around so you might make a friend and cheer up a bit.” So Kaji was expected to make Leliel happy, and Kaji knew what that involved, at least in that house full of incubi.

“I have no interest in such things,” Leliel said, giving them a wary look.

“Well, seems like your Father _wanted_ you to take an interest in the ways humans have fun. The ‘worldly pleasures.’ Kaji turned to Misato. “Can you believe he’s only…” Damn, couldn’t say it. Well, that hinted that it mattered.

“My soul predates the creation of this world, human. I was reborn as my father’s child fifteen years ago, when he was freed to call us forth,” was what Leliel claimed, and maybe Kaji didn’t doubt it, but spending all that time as an angel and then something of a workaholic monk didn’t make him all that worldly. He would have heard a lot about people having sex, but Kaji wondered if…

“You aren’t a virgin?” Misato asked, giving him a forthright look. That was honestly ridiculous. “It’s one thing to be a bachelor.”

“I’m not interested in humans and saw no reason to debase myself with animals.”

“And now your father’s given you a pet,” Kaji said, feeling a little predatory as his tongue examined the new fangs. “Wait a minute: you were jealous of Shinji because he’s sleeping with your father? Was that the…” The thing that the fallen angels were supposed to kill each other over. Getting to mate with Lucifer and bring forth more demons? Except with humans so plentiful, they could be turned into demons instead?

“It’s ridiculous to apply that taboo of yours to us, when all angels are the children of the same Creator. And of course I prefer my own kind to you monkeys. Even among humans, marrying lesser races is considered debasement.” Often illegal.

Kaji and Misato’s eyes both narrowed a little at being referred to as a lesser race. “But you’re not going to say no, are you?” was what Kaji said. “Not when it’s what your father wanted, and I’m sure you don’t have any better ideas for how to obey his order to find something to make you happy in a hurry.”


	17. Chapter 17

The first thing she did was throw up.

It was so easy. So easy. Her aunt, captured along with her.

Everyone thought it was a suicide when the body never turned up. A spinster like that, old and of course no one would want to marry her. Not when she’d had independent ideas and repaid her brother for taking her in by passing them on to his daughter.

Maybe it was her death that shocked sense into the girl, made her give up those useless studies and accept that marriage proposal. Such unexpected good fortune: why had someone like that proposed to such a bookish girl, and a _ginger_ no less, even if her family claimed it came from German ancestry instead of _Irish_.

At least she cleaned up nicely.

But she hadn’t given up her studies. Not when her studies were what she was for. Making sure he could pass his exams, without boring him during the instruction, providing entertainment when he got bored, someone to blame when he couldn’t be bothered to remember despite the sacrifice that later brought him an improved memory.

Her family, they all _wanted_ to believe it. That she’d given up on her dream so easily after _everything she’d done_. No one, no one had realized that there was anything wrong, they’d all thought that the, the simpering shadow was normal, was natural, a return to sanity instead of evil and _madness_.

So many depravities, the alchemy she’d been told to learn as well as medicine, the rituals, the blood, the…

_He_ brought her here to sell her soul to the devil.

How, why was she free?

No, she knew, she had to seize this chance, had to get out of here, even if there was nowhere to run to. Pushing through robed figures and bare slaves, she fled without looking back at _him_ or the white devil on the throne.

The door. It won’t open. She pulled as hard as she could on the handle, bracing her bare feet on the floor: tried pushing again now, throwing her shoulder against it as she saw one of the toughs _he_ enchanted to beat up anyone who showed him up on the playing field do, to break down a door. Nothing. Fingers scrabbling uselessly at well-polished wood, unable to even pry loose a splinter.

“Running won’t save you,” she heard from behind her.

She turned.

Strange, that no one else in the room was facing her. Everyone was still looking up towards the front of the room, except for the slaves and familiars looking up at their masters. She felt the gorge rising in her throat again at the reminder of what was done to her.

The devil was looking at her, and the winged fallen angel that stood by his side, bearing the Holy Grail. She’d heard that they’d had it plated in silver that was profaned somehow so that the fallen angels could touch it without bursting into flames. A trophy, a prisoner, the vessel that once held the blood of the covenant now suffering the blood of the devil.

A handful of other faces were looking at her, and one of them shifted a wing. The incubi, she realized. They and the fallen angels were the only ones moving. The men in their robes, their slaves: they were all frozen.

Once upon a time, she had asked what was going on when she and her aunt were dragged before altars. Her aunt offered up to Matarael, the fallen angel of rain and tears, with the power to bind the emotions of the human heart. There was also Iruel, fallen angel of terror, but those enslaved by her power were without fear. They would not suffer for the amusement of their masters. For love spells, for personal slaves, she’d learned that the Circle favored Matarael.

 For years, she’d had no right to ask questions, even if it left her without knowledge and she was later punished for lacking that knowledge. So she’d gathered every scrap she could.

She found herself suddenly free, her mind her own, even if she was still trapped.

_He_ had brought her here today, to have her sell her soul to the ruler of the fallen angels. All knew that he was Lucifer, the Morning Star, the one who rebelled against God, attempted to overthrow the authority of his master and creator. Among his names and titles, the one he permitted them to use to address him was Tabris. Angel of choice and free will.

So. That was why she had her free will back.

Chin resting on a fist, he smiled, slow and wide to see the look of realization in her eyes. “Will you reach out, seize the power to fight those that torment you?”

He could have said ‘or.’ They both knew he didn’t need to. Even if he left her this gift of freedom, didn’t take it back after she refused to sell him her soul, then she would be captured by _his_ other familiars, dragged from this place, kept locked up until someone else of her blood could be procured. A sister, her mother. She’d be beaten, of course, before and afterwards. Used in other ways: _he_ had despoiled her before her aunt bled out, because it was a rare pleasure when they tried to fight back and he and his fellows had the pleasure of breaking, of crushing. There were plenty of street girls, but a woman of the upper classes? One with some scraps of pride to break, to steal?

 “Or will you take this opportunity to die?” he wondered, while she didn’t respond.

Suicide. Either way, she would end up in hell, and _he_ was an amateur, too much of a lazy fool to come close to the ability to inflict pain the demons in hell must possess.

Letting herself be recaptured was her only path left to heaven. To suffer as only a handful of martyrs had suffered.

But what God would let the devil loose on earth? What God would create men such as _him_?

“Give, give me power,” she said, hands clenching into fists at her sides. “Your power, the one you used just now. The power to set myself free again no matter what spells they try to put on me. The power to set others free.”

A pale eyebrow rose: at least he sounded pleased. “A good thing I decided to set us adrift in time for this little chat.”

He was interested to see how she’d react, she could tell. Had he savored her horror and terror?

“I’ll give you that power,” he told her, red eyes gleaming with dark amusement and perhaps a bit of respect, as much as the devil would ever respect a human. “but I suggest that you don’t let them know that you have it. You’ve asked for one of the things they fear most of all: the ability to steal away the unquestioning obedience they value so much. Why, in their eyes, obedience is the highest of all the cardinal virtues. Was mankind not cast from the Garden of Eden for disobedience? Granting freedom to those they ‘rightfully’ expect obedience from, breaking the chains of those whose rightful free will they’ve stolen, purchased, usurped: such a sinful power you’ve asked for.” How delightful.

She stepped forward cautiously: she’d been right before, the humans present weren’t moving, just her and the demons and fallen angels. Could she kill them like this? Kill _him_? The other members of the Circle: did that heavily beringed hand belong to Keel?

If Keel hadn’t found and freed the devil, they would have been charlatans, they wouldn’t have had the power to do this to her… but it had been so easy, so very easy for them to do it. For her friends to be taken to rest homes, for rest cures, by families that grew tired of their troublesome studying, worried that they might not find a man unless they were made more pliable. Dose them on quackery and laudanum until they grew tired and sickly, too weak to argue.

“Immunity to poison.” It was one of the standard abilities, wasn’t it? Along with immunity to disease, faster healing.

And, while she was thinking of dangers, of dangers to her family…

Her hand slipped down to cover her stomach.

Normally, familiars were kept infertile. But she was his wife, and his father was one of the founders of the Circle, and getting older, and his son’s best defense against being used as a replacement body was to have a son of his own. So she’d been made fertile. That was the reason she’d been brought here not as a familiar but to sell her soul in the first place, so she could serve as a bodyguard for the child. _He_ had made himself enemies that would be happy to see him possessed, all that generation desperate to escape that fate, and everyone knew that the Circle jockeyed for power. The only one that was immune was Keel: as the one who had freed Lucifer from the ice, he had the devil’s favor more than the rest of them, something he made sure they remained aware of.

“I presume you want it dead?” he asked her, and her blood ran even colder when she realized that meant that yes, she was already pregnant. He’d tried to make sure of it, but it was too soon to tell without an alchemist or divination, and she didn’t know those techniques. He’d demanded to know why not, but since she wasn’t a sorcerer, she couldn’t bargain with one of the fallen angels for knowledge of alchemy and he didn’t want to take the time to purchase such womanly skills for her. So once again here they were, because of his laziness. He certainly hadn’t wanted to spend his time protecting a child, either.

She should have wanted it dead. Wanted to claw it out of her, the reminder of her defilement. But instead what she found herself saying was, “I don’t want it to be his. He can’t know.” Or else he’d pursue the child, and his father would, and holding out against an elder of the circle? No matter what she’d bargained for, the young were supposed to know their place: she’d seen some of _his_ contemporaries put in theirs, and she wouldn’t have blood to protect her, no elder of the circle who would lose face if she was humbled or broken. They’d try to control her again, and if they realized that didn’t work, break her. If she could kill him quickly, so he couldn’t pursue her? At least the elder had more than one son.

She’d heard the man remind _him_ that _he_ was replaceable.

That was her only hope.

He looked somewhat surprised, and perhaps another trace of approval, but what was important was that he nodded. “It’s simple enough to delay the child’s birth, and ensure that it bears no resemblance to him.”

“A daughter,” she said, because even if the elder realized, he wouldn’t want to be stuck in a _woman’s_ body. The body itself could be changed, but all the records and people’s memories… could also be changed, but it would be expensive. A last resort.

“A daughter it is,” Tabris said with an idle wave of his hand. The fallen angels considered that simply one more characteristic of the soul’s physical vessels, no more defining than hair or eye color. Of course to humans, hair and eye color were defining enough to kill over. “Make sacrifice to Armisael when you finally choose to bear her, and they will think she is born of your compact.”

At least the Angel of the Womb preferred living sacrifices to blood.

“I want him dead,” she said last, because it was the most vital thing and she knew the world wouldn’t let her have what she needed. If _he_ was dead, and his father with him, then her child would be safe, but the Circle won’t permit that, and even if her rebellion had pleased the angel who turned on his own master, why would he possibly support a woman over the rest of his worshippers?

“That, I will not grant you,” he told her. “When they die, their souls are mine, and unfortunately the Circle, led by Keel, was wise enough to demand some protection for themselves as part of the standard contract. I can grant you power, and you can try to kill them yourself, but if I killed them for you? Do you _want_ them to have a chance of escaping eternal torment? I will not kill a member of the Circle on the say-so of another member of the Circle. I may have granted you my favor, but do not presume to treat me like a common mercenary. If you wish to kill a fellow human, then do it yourself.” Their petty squabbles were not his concern, and of course she’d known that the devil wouldn’t feel sorry for her and help her because of that.

She wanted them and their kind gone from this world, and heaven was another place… Yet the thought of men like _them_ being allowed into heaven? Even Purgatory, having any _chance_ of _ever…_ It should have been laughable, but supposedly _anyone_ could be redeemed, as long as they had faith, truly believed, and if Lucifer existed, then of course God must. The Catholic Church believed that doing good on earth mattered, but the Protestants thought it didn’t, and that since success was a sign of God’s favor then it didn’t matter what horrible crimes you committed in order to become successful, all would be forgiven, and there was _nothing_ stopping him from reaching heaven, nothing that he’d done to her would _matter_ if…

Kyoko had to kill him while his soul was still the devil’s property. Or else it was very possible that he could get away with it. That even a heavenly court would not convict him.

That she would never have justice. That there was no justice. And that thought almost made her attempt to throw up again, if there was anything left.

What she’d lost before was already gone. Vanished, just like her aunt. Swept under the rug, perhaps, like all the proof of _how sick this world was_. Was she _truly_ thinking of bringing a daughter into this world, when the eyes of the men of the cult would be on her from birth?

She was naked, save for the collar around her neck. She hadn’t even noticed that until now, so used to it. She wore what she was ordered to wear, and that was nothing, not even protective gear during alchemy experiments, save when she was ordered to make herself presentable for a public appearance. Then she had to look proper, there on his arm. A proper ornament for a young gentleman, as though there was ever anything gentle about that brute.

Kyoko knew where she was supposed to kneel, to receive the Grail, to drink the blood of the devil and make the pact, but the thought of kneeling again? She couldn’t bear the thought of kneeling to him again, and the god who hadn’t bothered to save her didn’t deserve her worship. Yet the devil that had freed her, even if he was also the one that gave them the power to imprison her…

Kneeling was such a well-practiced motion now.

Her breath caught in her throat as Tabris leaned forward, touching a finger to her chin. Tilting it up, looking into her eyes, before a fingernail (not a claw, not at the moment) slid down her neck. The feel of it changed a moment before it reached the collar.

The collar didn’t fall from her neck. It hung open, the familiar tightness was gone, but it hung there for a moment, and a moment more, before she shivered, then shook herself, and it slid, first slow and then faster, to the right.

It fell.

Her forehead touched the floor a moment after it, even if she had no reason, no reason at all, to be grateful. When this was the devil. She would be repaying him with her eternal soul: he was not doing her a favor, merely ensuring that he could torture her later.

In the room’s quiet, the rustle of fabric, the drawing in and letting out of breath was instantly apparent.

“Offer me your immortal soul,” he tells her, and she wondered when they’d notice that her collar is gone, if it’s hidden by the fall of her hair, “and I will give you the power to slay your enemies. The right to bargain with my subjects for the power to accomplish your aims.”

That was the bargain she was here to make, save for one thing: she was meant to slay her husband’s enemies. Accomplish his goals, through alchemy and the other powers of the fallen angels, the boons they were willing to grant mere humans in exchange for the proper sacrifices.

“Forsaking God, I surrender my soul to you,” she said, and tried to hide how avidly she watched the wave of Lucifer’s hand, the movement of the grail as Ramiel brought it to her lips. Once she drank. Once that evil power coursed through her veins, the same power _he_ had. If she could take him by surprise, before the rest of the Circle could react: that was her chance to kill him, before they realized that she was free.

It might be her only chance.

It wasn’t enough. She might have learned alchemy, but she had no practice with the combative magics, even if her revulsion for _him_ , her hatred of all of them, made it easy to summon the infernal shield. Perhaps if she’d pretended obedience until they got home… She wanted to say that hadn’t occurred to her because it was too much of a risk, when in fact she hadn’t been able to bear the thought of bowing down to her aunt’s murderer for another minute.

A slave defy a sorcerer, a wife defy her husband, in full view of other men? At first, _he_ had been left to his own devices, only gotten mocking laughter from his peers when he called for help: what man couldn’t fight off a _woman_? But finally there came an order from one of the elders for _him_ to restrain his woman, damn him: she was disrupting the ceremony and there was other business to attend to.

If it was just a matter of removing the disruption, though, it wouldn’t be Keel standing over her, looking down at her from behind the black blindfold he’d worn since he’d obtained the powers of a seer, with his crystal-tipped staff pointed at her neck.

Her infernal shield had shattered, her own power no match for the power he’d bought with countless sacrifices.

So, it was going to end here and now, her rebellion nothing more than an amusement to Lucifer, something to break the monotony of the ceremonies. “If you can’t get your own wife back under control,” Keel told _him_ , “if the power of your will is so lacking that you can’t even break through the feeble barrier of a woman’s spirit, then you are a disgrace to your father’s training. Allow me to demonstrate proper technique.”

This wasn’t about her. It wasn’t even about her. This was about Keel scoring points on some other member of the Circle. She would be broken, and _he_ would take the shame of his defeat out on her, as well as his father’s displeasure with him.

“Ahem,” she heard, and the sound of Tabris tapping an idle finger on his armrest cut through the troubled buzz of conversation in the room. “In order for someone to sell their soul to me, they must do it of their own free will. I restored her free will in order to obtain her soul. I hope that you simply failed to realize this, and that you are not, in fact, presuming that you have the right to undo the pacts I have made, by taking from someone the blessings I chose to bestow upon them in exchange for their soul.”

Anyone else would have frantically denied it: pride was Lucifer’s defining sin, and he did not tolerate lese majeste. But this was Keel, and groveling in front of most of the circle would have damaged his authority. He was also the one who had freed Lucifer from the ice, and it was known that he was especially favored because of it. “I did not mean to show you any disrespect, only to make these two children stop squabbling in your presence. Would having her placed in the cells so she can no longer disrupt the ceremony count as an infringement on her freedom?”

“Place her in the cells? Whatever for?” Tabris wondered.

“Defying her-“

“Marriage _is_ a blessed sacrament,” Tabris reminded Keel. ”I would hope that you, of all people, have not forgotten who I am. If I didn’t want to witness the spectacle of someone ordained to be a slave rebelling against the man decreed by God to be their master, I wouldn’t have allowed that fool,” he waved at her husband, “to think that there would be any other outcome. He simply assumed that he was the owner of her soul, and had the right to sign it over to me, that I respected the authority the holy sacrament of marriage gave him, in God’s name.” The devil laughed, not with mockery but as though he intended that the rest of the cult should share the jest. Most of them joined in, knowing what side their bread was buttered on, save Keel.

Keel, who must be remembering the day he brought Yui to make her compact. How she’d demanded terms other than the ones he’d decreed for her, requested unprecedented powers to cloud the minds of men. How Tabris had chosen to grant them in the end _because_ Keel had ordered her to take them back based on his authority as paterfamilias, the authority over his chattel decreed by the Bible.

He had thought _the first being to rebel against their creator_ would back a father against their child.

Keel rarely misstepped that badly, but he could not tolerate defiance. Or embarrassment. Yui was dead now, and here, once again, Lucifer was ignoring Keel’s wishes because of a woman.

She would have to have her daughter soon. This soon after Yui’s ‘accidental’ death, Keel wouldn’t risk defying Tabris by arranging hers, when the devil was showing her favor, but if she wanted any time to raise her daughter, any chance to teach her enough that she had any chance, any chance at all of protecting herself…

* * *

He needed a source. Someone disaffected. And it was hard to think of anyone who hated the Circle more, or was more in their bad books than this woman, bar Misato herself. But Misato wasn’t a practicing sorceress, she didn’t know how pacting with the devil worked, and Kaji wanted some idea of what he had gotten himself into.

Ritsuko might have gotten him in to make his pact, but he’d had some public school types come up to him afterwards, and what was this about the Akagis being connected to someone who wasn’t in favor with Keel? Just because Ritsuko might not have intended to get him mixed up in any power plays didn’t mean she couldn’t have done it on accident, and wasn’t he attempting to gather intelligence? Wasn’t the middle of factional struggles exactly where he should be? Although for now, he’d prefer to stake out a place on the sidelines and make some observations.

If that wasn’t an option? Well, that was why he was here to visit Kyoko Sohryu, divorcee of Augustus Langley the Third. No one else had as much success surviving the Circle’s displeasure, except Yui Ikari nee Keel, but she wasn’t surviving any longer, now was she?

* * *

Maybe this would not work. She turned against _him_ as soon as she was free, but everyone knew that Gendo Ikari didn’t forswear Yui, that he even reenslaved another of Yui’s familiars that was freed by her death. They said that perhaps it was Kyoko’s blood that made the difference: noble blood ran in her veins, while Gendo Ikari might as well be a street rat, nothing more than sacrifice fodder the way the Circle’s old guard saw it, even though his ancestors have been freedmen of London instead of serfs bound to the land as far back as anyone had managed to trace them.

She was unsure why Keel spent all that effort tracking down a relation of the man’s birth father just to be sure that he was in fact Gendo’s birth father, but the inner Circle had their signs and portents and prophecies. If they hadn’t spent so much time on their mystic research, they never would have found Lucifer. The younger generation tended to neglect such things: pouring over moldy texts was what familiars were for, if that, when there was real, tangible power to be obtained through contracts and sacrifices. Why invest effort in something that might not pay off?

The exception was Yui, but she wasn’t fool enough to try to ally with one of the Circle’s children, vipers all.

Gendo Ikari… damn the man. Kyoko had _tried_ to warn the Akagis, both of them.

If she freed _his_ replacement for her, will she gain an ally or unleash another Gendo Ikari? Will _he_ get the loyal sorceress he wanted all along? If Kyoko fell, her daughter would be unprotected. Asuka was eight now, and far too pretty for her own good: it was clear to everyone that laid eyes on her that she would be truly beautiful once she became a woman, without any need to rely on magics of seduction the way Yui Ikari had.

Her freedom might be guaranteed by the compact, but every time she’d tried to kill _him_ , others had blocked her path, even though he was the laughingstock of the circle.

He’d taken another woman. Another wife.

If Kyoko killed him, she wouldn’t live out the month, they wouldn’t suffer her to live, but if he ‘made the same mistake twice, what a fool…’

* * *

Dropping to one knee, he opened the box. “Compliments of-“

“Yes, I know,” Tabris said, stepping forward to examine the stolen canvas. “As beautiful as I was promised. Every once in awhile, human culture does manage to produce something worthwhile… by the way,” the devil said, stepping back and waving for one of the incubi to take the box. “Kyoko Sohryu is aware that one of the powers given to Lorenz Keel is divination, I trust?”

It was long practice that kept Kaji from freezing, allowed him to keep looking politely attentive, mildly curious.

“I’m told that he had his factors scour the brothels of San Francisco for Oriental slave girls who had survived at least six months, in order to ensure a good stock of sacrifices.” Their owners were happy to part with them by then. Between the drugs forced on them and the violent use, it was dispose of them to some buyer (and why would a buyer want used goods when there was always fresh meat arriving) or dispose of the body themselves. “Since asking one of us to interfere in the Circle’s squabbles runs perilously close to insult, he knows better than to even petition Sahaquiel without a very substantial sacrifice up front, to demonstrate his respect.”

All the members of the circle employed bully-boys to investigate and snatch potential sacrifices, and most of them had agreements with procurers, but all of England and most of Europe had been staked out. Squabbles and turf wars over the acquisition of prime sacrifices caused much of the tension in the circle. How like Keel to arrange something like that, and not tell the others of the idea so that he was the one who could lay his hands on large numbers of sacrifices on short notice without poaching and risking the others finding out.

“Even if she were somehow able to find a large enough sacrifice quickly enough, to petition Sahaquiel to close his eyes…” and a fallen angel would _certainly_ be very annoyed about getting caught up in that kind of thing.

Keel would be able to find out that she’d gathered such a sacrifice and put two and two together, even if Sahaquiel didn’t simply tell him why his divinations were unsuccessful. Keel would know that Langley hadn’t had an accident, and his wife breaking free and causing that ‘accident’ wasn’t one either.

“Such a fearsome power she asked for,” Tabris mused. “Tell her that I am pleased with the use she made of it, and tell Mrs. Langley, although I’m sure prefers the _Widow_ Langley, that I am willing to receive her at a private audience.”

And that she’d best hurry, before Keel eliminated Kyoko, which would leave Kaji as the only member of the circle with any desire at all to act as Makinami’s protector, forget Asuka’s.

Kaji found himself wanting to tip his hat to the handsome devil (not that he’d wear a hat indoors and in Tabris’ presence, of course: that would be disrespectful). Kyoko’s soul, and now another poor woman’s. Both of them left with no option but to hand themselves over to the devil, no option they could stomach at any rate.

“I suggest the two of you bring Asuka,” Tabris added. “If she is part of the pact, then to move against her until the pact is fulfilled would be forbidden.”

And Tabris would be getting Asuka the day she turned twelve, Kaji was sure of it. When her mother had been teaching her how to use power her entire life. And losing her mother would only intensify her desire to fight the Circle. There was no way she could be convinced not to pursue power, even if she damned herself in the process.

“Were you aware,” Tabris said thoughtfully, tracing the wing of an angel as the incubi unrolled more of the canvas for his perusal, the paint brightening under his finger, faded colors restored to life, the effect rippling outwards from his touch, “that the only difference between Limbo and Heaven is that Limbo lacks the presence of God? Even though Kyoko’s hatred of the God that created this wretched world is only the tiniest fraction of my own, I thought she might appreciate that small detail.”

Hell was created to torment _angels_ , not humans, and the absence of God was more than enough hell for those created to serve Him, Kaji knew. All the other tortures there were devised by the demons, or the humans themselves, and the virtuous pagans in Limbo had none of those tortures visited on them.

Was he serious, or was this just a lie? Some pretend kindness, to make this woman more willing to sign herself over?

“The ability to speak to the dead is a very common power,” Tabris continued, still not bothering to turn to look at Kaji. “I am somewhat surprised that none of the Circle has asked for it, but then perhaps it feels too faddish and plebian to them,” the modern obsession with spiritualism and fairies, “even though it appears in Classical literature. For her to make one of her requests the ability to allow her benefactress’ spirit to appear to watch over her daughter, at least until the girl becomes old enough to make her own pact… That might kill two birds with one stone, don’t you think?”

“Very generous of you,” Kaji said, trying to sound appropriately stunned by the uncharacteristic mercy, or interest in the lives of mere humans at any rate, instead of just slightly impressed. Maybe if the petition was for Kyoko to haunt something, that might keep her out of hell… until time was up. If Asuka was grateful to the being that got all of them into this mess in the first place…

“I do have something of a soft spot for parents who treat their children… the opposite of what the humans of this benighted isle consider ‘properly,’” Tabris said, as though it was nothing at all. “As I’m sure you’ve heard from Misato… Or has she told you? When trying to discover my weaknesses is one of the duties you’ve been given.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I manage to write the post-Kaji Kaworu/Shinji fluff scene, it will go somewhere before this chapter, to ease the transition. I wanted to show... well, the relationship arc for the two of them has absolutely not ended, come to think of it. Shinji may trust him now, but it remains to be seen whether or not that is a good idea...

The rings were silver, enchanted to be tougher than any mortal silver and never tarnish, in the shape of serpents biting their own tails, with tiny rubies for eyes. They were pressed into his flesh, which opened to receive them, obedient to Tabris’ will, and then closed around them.

His nipples were now pierced, without any need for needles, without even a brief bite of pain.

Rings. Rings with his Master’s symbol, and he squeaked when Tabris lowered his mouth to one of them, using his fingers to toy with the other. They really did make it feel even more exquisite when his master played with his body.

He was marked. They were proof that he was owned. That he was worth marking, worth owning, and maybe they’d feel even better next time Shinji was in a female body? He didn’t mind being in a female body himself, but it made him nervous when Tabris was in one. Shinji was the catamite, so it wasn’t really any different, but Tabris was the master, and those folds down below were so complicated. Shinji knew how to please a cock by now, but he’d have to learn how to please a woman, and he’d really like a lot more personal experience with doing it to himself before he tried to please Master Tabris. He couldn’t stand the thought of failing to please Master Tabris.

Only two more days to the next quarter-moon ceremony now, the next orgy, and he couldn’t wait. His Master would take him and he’d please his Master for the entire ceremony, he’d practiced and his gag reflex was almost gone. Everyone would see how his Master desired him, everyone would see that he was wanted, that he was skilled, that he was _loved_ and not worthless, and his hips jerked at the thought, precome seeping from the head.

Head flung back and panting for breath, he felt Tabris withdraw his mouth from the nipple, resting his chin on Shinji’s chest and letting his breath ghost over the moistened flesh. “For thy pleasure they are and were created,” he whispered. When Shinji bent his head up to look down his chest at him, Tabris’ tongue darted past his lips to lick the ring, tugging on it gently.

Shinji mewled.

“You do enjoy this,” Tabris said, sounding relieved.

“It’s like being blindfolded. And the ropes.” In the collection of pillow-books Shinji had found, when he went looking in the manor’s library for anything else from the islands east of China.

“A sign that I want you, that you are special to me.” Another lick. “But the blindfold is for trust. For so long, you were in the hands of masters: your father, teacher, others, who only used their power to hurt you. Your only safety lay in pleasing them, or at least not displeasing them. When you trust me, and I don’t hurt you, that’s proof that I may be different from them.”

“You’re nothing like them, Tabris,” Shinji said, the light of devotion in his eyes.

“But you thought I was,” Tabris reminded him, sliding up Shinji’s body. “Since that was all you knew of life. All those you should have been able to trust hurt you instead, and that’s why you are so desperate to please. I don’t like the desperation in your eyes. I hope that someday it will be gone, and all that will remain there is happiness and eagerness. So for now I must, I will, teach you over and over again, with your body and your heart, that you can trust me.” Shinji opened his lips to receive Tabris’ kiss, trembling inside with how much he loved him. “That you are safe here. You know that you need someone you can trust, to be by your side, to bring you happiness, and that is why you loved me for all the ways I tried to reassure you, even as you feared them, knowing that they were the key to your happiness because they were the key to your heart. That door unlocked itself for me, and now your heart is in my hands, and you are desperate to convince me not to crush it,” Tabris knew.

“In order for you to learn that you are safe here, you must feel safe. The people who had you in their power taught you that love did not matter, only whether or not you pleased them. So in order for you to feel safe right now, I must let you please me. I must give you orders so that you may follow them, and triumph in it, for with your obedience you have won the safety of your heart in my hands, with your obedience, born of your brave, fledgling love, you have made sure another day has gone by without your trust betrayed… and someday, the days of betrayal will be only a distant memory. Someday, you will know only happiness, will know that your heart rests securely in my hands, that I would guard it with my life. You will have triumphed over your fear.

“When that day comes, I will no longer be able to give you so much bliss, to see you tremble with gratitude, with a simple command or a simple token of my favor. But neither will you have any fear, any fear at all, to command me in turn.”

Shinji’s eyes widened. Command Master Tabris? But he was just a catamite, and even if Master Tabris was honoring Shinji like Shinji was his wife, a wife was still her master’s property. She certainly had no right to _command_. The proper thing to do was beat her for even thinking of it, but then Tabris was far from proper. “It… makes me happy to do things for you,” Shinji whispered, cheeks flushing with the fear that he was saying something wrong. “Does it make you happy too, to do things for me? I like doing things that I know you want, that will make you happy. I’m grateful that you tell me things. Should I… should I try to tell you what would make me happy? To make things easier for you?”

“Not when it frightens you too much for you to enjoy it,” Tabris told him. “But yes, when you can, when you dare. Please give me opportunities for me to prove that your trust is not misplaced. Please give me chances to make you happy, dear Shinji,” he said, eyes aglow with a warm light matching Shinji’s own, “and I will be full of joy.”

* * *

“Thou art worthy, oh my beloved, to receive glory and honor and power.”

Some among the celebrants jerked upright, and heads turned, counting the number in the room who wore white robes. All of them elders of the circle.

Their eyes went to the three angels that flanked Tabris’ throne on its dais of black and red stone. That was new, but the floor of this room had long been mirrored.

Winged Ramiel, Zeruel who was already known as the mighty lion, who traveled the world seeking humans worth doing battle with. One in purely human form, known to all those who had any dealings with London society.

No fourth fallen angel to represent the fourth holy beast, but a space was left empty for one.

While they labored to bring about a scene akin to this, had the devil been working towards it all along, even as he claimed it was in his best interests to preserve the world of sinners?

But the youth wearing the mask with seven eyes handed the Grail full of wine and his holy blood to the devil himself, who drained it to the dregs, leaving none for them.

Angels, even those who dared rebel, were created to love and serve God. Was it Lucifer’s intention to bring about God’s will, or was the prideful angel once again attempting to obtain all of God’s love for himself? To refuse to give the place of honor to humanity, God’s true children? The younger ones, the prodigal sons, yes, and by right of primogeniture the angels should be the favored race, but they were the ones crafted in God’s image!

The Bride of the Lamb was meant to be the City of God, the Elect, the humans who proved themselves worthy! And instead Lucifer arranged wedding feast after wedding feast, to take the Messiah, the godly Lamb, as his bride?!

Purest love in every line and arch of the boy’s body, in every devoted cry that passed his lips.

* * *

“We have no time, then,” was Yui’s response to Gendo’s report. Ritsuko was no longer welcome at Lucifer’s manor, and Kaji was no longer available as a source of information to anyone other than the fallen angel who, it was revealed, was probably his true master all along, Gendo had to attend the latest ceremony himself to see the current state of things.

It was both more and less unpleasant than he thought it would be. Less, because the boy was almost the spitting image of Yui now, with the light of passion in his eyes, even more than Rei with her dead expression. More, because it led to thoughts of Yui with another man. Not that the ritual which conceived that boy and Rei had been with a man…

You wouldn’t have expected that a fallen angel would be so submissive, but fallen angels were still angels, which had been created to serve. The instant Kaji suggested that Leliel imagine that he was Tabris? Well, provided there weren’t any other humans around to see the indignity. A fallen angel, kneeling to a human? They might think they could make Tabris assume the same position, and that Leliel would never allow. Yet service was an integral part of the angel’s being, and maybe him being the angel of the night had something to do with it, too? This was one of the more fun things done under cover of darkness.

Pressing in a knothole was a cliché way to open a secret passage, but it would be ridiculous to do anything more elaborate.

The wood of the false tree built against and into the wall beneath the balcony of the Ikari manor’s entry room was thick enough that pounding to try to find a hollow space where a secret passage could be would be fruitless. Anyone who began to try the knots of something in a part of the house that so many people would pass through, meaning the risk that some servant would see the secret passage open would be severe, would either be examining every inch of the manor or know the location of the passage to begin with.

In which case, they would most likely bring several strong men with axes, and not being able to find the trigger for the secret passage to open wouldn’t delay them very long. Oh, a spy might attempt to sneak in covertly, but there was no risk that such a spy would come back alive to report. Not given what dwelled below. Even a fallen angel wouldn’t escape with their host body intact, and it would take them time to find their way out of Hell to report to Lucifer.

Of course, when Yui had this passage built, there were no such dwellers in the depths. She’d merely enchanted some slaves and had them watch the passage with guns and, after it was revealed that one of the fallen angels could grant the power to ensure that guns could not fire, even unseen guns, knives as well, and the trigger for new-built traps. When they began to sicken, locked away from the sun so the other servants did not know they existed, they could be used as sacrifices or for experiments.

Her laboratory and altar occupied the first chamber.

The altar was to Zeruel, for she desired might, the might to defeat her father and take all the cult’s knowledge. They thought that was her only ambition, but if she could not even defeat a human, then she was not ready to fight the being who had given the man his power. Zeruel gave her strength, the strength to defy her father, to leave his manor without being dragged home in chains and reminded of her place, but it was Sahaquiel who found her the treasure that lay behind another hidden door, this one far less easy to activate.

Another demon, sealed away. On the eastern edge of the world, as Lucifer lay to the south. Others might have quested to the north and west, but Yui knew that Lucifer had fallen beneath the world, and the east was the direction of the dawn, and this being was from the beginning of the world.

The first to leave Eden.

Yui stood in the great cave that was the reason she had the manor built here in the first place, after divining its presence. The bottom of it was filled now, the blood drained from sacrifices and flowing from the creature itself creating a great lake.

Unlike Lucifer, the demoness did not awaken when her giant body was touched. Not that Yui was the one to take that risk, of course not. Yet the legends said that Lilith would lay with beasts, demons, anything, and conceive.

It took another bargain with Sahaquiel for the angel of birds to transport Lilith’s immortal womb here, after slaves taken from among the local breed of Chinamen hacked it out. Yui had no intention of remaining in a primitive country, so far from the center of power, while she continued her researches.

As she stepped forward out of the entryway, torches were lit. Dozens of blood-red eyes turned to stare at her impassively, obediently. Her face, her blood, a fallen angel’s power. It had taken her and Fuyutsuki years, but these were the children the marrow of her bones had sired upon Lilith. Fortunately, they had brought samples of other portions of Lilith’s body with them to England, so there was no need for a return visit to obtain some of Lilith’s bone marrow.

At first, only the one she’d decided to carry in her own womb possessed a soul, while all the females born from Lilith were simple animals with no more native intelligence than apes.

It was only after her death that Fuyutsuki’s researches produced a success: an intelligent, trainable spawn of Lilith that could control the others beyond implanting simple commands, like the command to destroy any that entered this chamber that were not Yui or Fuyutsuki, and pour all their blood into the pool that nourished Lilith and the spawn.

The spawn had healed quickly, but other than that they possessed no powers. Fuyutsuki’s success did.

Unfortunately, it had no knowledge of how to give others powers. Until a moment of realization on the very day of Yui’s revival.

It wanted to become one with Shinji.

Through the union of her two spawn, Lilith would be reborn. Yui would have that offspring, could mold it to her will. She would have no need for the scraps of power her father begged and borrowed from Lucifer. One of God’s most powerful and primal creations would be bound to adore her.

She simply needed the boy.

How convenient, that her own father would do the work of separating him from Lucifer.

 


	19. Chapter 19

This would be Shinji’s first new moon ceremony. That was the one where Kaworu accepted sacrifices and made compacts, so Shinji would have to do his job as cupbearer. It was one thing to hand the cup to Tabris, but watching for his cue, pressing it to their lips, only letting them sip instead of gulp, not letting them grab the Grail and take all of Tabris’ blood or the Holy Grail brought to England in ancient times for themselves…

That was nerve-wracking enough, except that for the past four days Tabris had been _absolutely furious_ and only growing angrier and angrier.

He said it wasn’t at Shinji, but it was still really hard not to cower. He could raise and lower the infernal shield on purpose now, but it was still reflex to protect himself if he was ambushed or in danger, so he could feel it flicker sometimes, see it in the corners of his eyes.

Even if Tabris loved him as a wife, husbands beat their wives, and they were more likely to do that when they were already angry. So Shinji had to be very, very careful not to slip up.

The thought that maybe, maybe Tabris would be upset if he hit Shinji, even though it was his right to do with Shinji as he wanted, just made it worse. It meant Shinji had to try not to mess up and make Tabris hit him for both their sakes.

Tabris had assured him that he wasn’t angry at _Shinji_ , no, but even though he smiled and wore that mask of serenity, he kept frowning viciously at odd moments, as though he was hearing something that upset him further. Were the voices of invisible demons or spirits of the air whispering something to him? Telling him of distant things that angered him?

The first day, Shinji had barely noticed any difference, just that Tabris was annoyed the way he usually was when he finished his correspondence and found out what the cultists were doing _now_. It was that night that he’d shot upright in bed, staring into the distance, seeing some vision that he could not _believe_ was truly happening.

They were in the middle of something at the time, and even though Tabris had responded to Shinji’s worried tug on his arm, once Shinji woke up the courage to disturb him, he’d still been annoyed the entire time. He’d covered Shinji’s body and attended to Shinji’s pleasure, but had regarded to Shinji’s attempts to pleasure him in return almost as distractions.

He’d turned into a great white serpent that night, to coil around Shinji’s body (for warmth, he’d said, trying to pretend his normal whimsy), and when Shinji woke and stroked that great scaled head Kaworu had licked him, but been reluctant to let go, even by changing back.

Later in the day, when Touji and others installed the chandelier he’d ordered, a great thing of candles and sky-blue glass Tabris had seen leafing through a catalogue in search of gifts for Shinji and thought bore some resemblance to Shinji’s soul, he smiled to see how flattered Shinji was, that Tabris thought he was this beautiful, a bright, glimmering being. He’d stroked Shinji’s face, and it seemed to give him a little peace, but then he’d wrapped his arms around Shinji and hadn’t let go until Shinji’s pocketwatch chimed the start of cello practice. Tabris insisted on coming with him, and instead of the cello they played the piano together, sitting right next to each other.

Shinji could hear the anger and frustration in every note, and his own were tentative, trying to climb around the sound, ameliorate it.

Was this how Tabris felt? When he tried to touch Shinji gently, to soothe him when he was afraid?

“What’s wrong?” he’d finally dared ask when Tabris’ hands left the keys for a moment.

“Nothing that should concern you,” and it was the words and not the red glow in Tabris’ eyes, like hot coals, like the inferno where he was supposed to dwell, that made Shinji quail back a little, before the fallen angel turned to him, tried to smile for him. “I am sorry,” he said. “That was a lie. It does concern you, and I wish it did not. This is none of your doing, and it burns me that I may have brought this upon you.” He winced and again tried to smile when he saw Shinji’s face. “That is why I didn’t want to speak of it with you: truly, Shinji this is none of your fault and none of your doing. I knew that you would blame yourself simply for being… simply for existing.” He began to stroke Shinji’s hair.

“Should I be… doing something different?” Shinji attempted, leaning into the touch in case that helped them both. Tabris wanted to make him feel better, and Shinji wanted to please him so Tabris felt better.

“They want to lay their disgusting hands on you,” Tabris said, and Shinji had never heard such venom from him. “No, more than simply their hands, they wish to _defile_ you so they have what they think is theirs, just as they believe that all of this world is theirs, to do with as they please. _They think I have no right to what is mine,”_ and Tabris’ body began to glow, a pale gray light that filled the room. He was always warmer than Shinji, but the hand that touched Shinji’s face felt like fire, and with the part of him that wasn’t worried for Tabris Shinji felt his own soul rising to the surface, because otherwise…

It was the bench beneath them beginning to char that returned Tabris to himself.

The Lightbearer. They used to believe that the stars were pinpricks in the firmament, showing the heavenly glory that lay beyond. The light of the sun outshone all the other stars, just as the power of God eclipsed all else, but the star that remained visible in the Morning, the being who could remain standing in God’s presence, even when ordered to kneel before Adam?

Now, astronomy showed that the stars were other suns, some said, and Venus a world like onto Earth, that might even have its own inhabitants. That was a strange thought, but Tabris was not a being of science, of humanity’s feeble attempts to grasp truth.

A fallen angel, a fallen star, a being of radiant light that had taken flesh, and _this was what Shinji was in love with_. This was what he dared to believe might love him in return.

The sheer _audacity_ of it struck him when he saw that being of light return to its human guise, saw the proof that this was what was within the being whose bed he shared, this was its true face, and so it was only after Tabris had calmed, after the immediate danger that he would be burned away by the onslaught of heavenly fire had ended, that Shinji slid off the bench, went to his knees before him, trembling in mingled fear and adoration.

“Shinji?” Tabris asked.

“I… The Book says that we were made in the image of God, but we weren’t, were we?” Shinji now knew. “Not like _you_ … I should have realized.”

Tabris frowned down at him, not in disapproval but as the school nurse might, checking to see if Shinji’s ankle was broken or it was just a sprain and he should be made to write lines for crying out over something like that instead of toughening up.

“You’re _glorious_ ,” Shinji explained.

“Ah,” Tabris said, understanding now, and relaxing once he saw that Shinji hadn’t backed away in fear. Not entirely in fear. “So are you. I should engage an artist to see if a custom chandelier could be made. That one doesn’t even perfectly reflect your eyes, let alone your soul.” He sighed. “Perhaps I would ask for sapphires next, promise a gift of power to whoever scours the world and brings back stones that match your eyes.” He reached down: Shinji tilted his head up to meet the hand, and felt Tabris touch each of his eyelids. “Have them set into earrings, for you, but…”

“But what?” Shinji pleaded, opening his eyes and looking up at him. Not just because he wanted to help, if he even could help, when it was a problem that Tabris couldn’t handle with just a few orders, but because if he knew what this was about, then maybe he could be sure that it wasn’t his fault?

“They have transgressed,” Tabris told him, eyes growing heated again. “Simply by plotting what they are plotting, even if they have not yet had the chance to act on their twisted desires, they have transgressed. They have forgotten their place, and now I am reminded that they never truly knew their place at all. That I allowed them to step beyond their station. That they can even contemplate this only because I have been far, far too lenient with them for too long. I knew of how they treated the other humans, and I knew to expect nothing better of them. I ensured that if any of them showed any signs of attempting to treat myself or my children that way, then they knew they would die for failing to show proper respect to their betters, but _this…_ Leliel was right, I should not have allowed myself to tolerate the behavior of such degenerate spawn. Their degeneracy is not an excuse for such behavior, it is why they must be _put in their place_. I have indulged them for far, far too long!”

“…Indulged?” Shinji dared to say only that word, shoulders shrinking in as he looked away. Because Tabris was so indulgent of Shinji, he spoiled him far too much, and the thought of that stopping?

“Oh, no, not you.” Tabris left the piano bench himself now, to go down on one knee next to Shinji, and kiss his forehead. “You are different from them, and perhaps… yes, perhaps it might ease your heart to know that you are different. Why you are superior to the degenerates that infest this world.”

It startled Shinji to hear Tabris talking about people like that. It brought to mind what Misato said, about Lucifer unleashing demonic hordes to overrun the world. Why, why was he startled? He knew that Tabris was the devil, even if Shinji was favored. “What do you mean?” he dared to ask, fearful but wanting to know.

The light of whimsy returned to Tabris’ eyes, although there was still the contempt thoughts of SEELE inspired, as well as hints of that anger. “Tell me, Shinji: do you like this world?”

Shinji had to stare, and instantly lowered his eyes and chastised himself for it. Master Tabris would never ask a stupid question, and now he was the one failing to remember his place! When Master Tabris was already angry with others for doing the same thing! He really was just begging for a beating, and he was grateful for Master Tabris’ restraint and kindness. “I like your world, Master Tabris,” he told him. “The world inside the manor, where everyone is kind to me. Hikari helps me learn to cook, and doesn’t scold,” she didn’t even hit his hand when he messed up and ruined a dish! “Touji is helping me get stronger, and learn different positions, but he doesn’t call me weak and he tells me not to do something if it’s painful. He scolded me a lot when I would strain myself stretching too far.”

Tabris nodded, as thought that was proper and to be expected, instead of the opposite of everything Shinji used to know.

“I used to hate the world outside, but even the places you take me to are wonderful. Because you’re there with me. So many of them wouldn’t even let me in if you weren’t there, since my father cast me aside and I have no money, except what you give me to spend.” The purse Shinji hadn’t touched, because anything Shinji liked enough to seriously contemplate spending that much money on, Tabris would have already gifted him with. “I love the world when you’re there.” Tabris was so kind, but that wasn’t what he’d asked Shinji about.

“But I don’t love the world for itself. I hate it. I always hated it, and hearing what it did to the others, to Touji and Hikari and their families and the people who were sacrificed like Misato almost was and _didn’t_ become yours, and when the incubi are talking about current events in the papers and what they want to do with their power when they become demons and can go out to tempt the evil and then kill them so they go to hell like they deserve, for what they’re doing to poor, innocent people… I hate the world. I would have killed myself before I met you, because I’m a coward and suicide is the coward’s way out, if I wasn’t too much of a coward to even do that.”

Of course Tabris’ arms wrapped around him, of course he tilted Shinji’s head to take shelter against his Master’s neck, when he discussed something so distressing. “But if I’d gone to hell that way, I would have been just another damned soul, and you would never have noticed me,” Shinji knew.

“That is not true,” Tabris said, stroking Shinji’s back. “No, I’m not simply telling you a comforting lie. There is a reason I was willing to make a bargain about you when you were so young, when that gave you my protection and unfortunately also protected Gendo Ikari.” Since as Shinji’s paterfamilias, he was the one who had to deliver Shinji to Tabris. If Gendo Ikari had died, Shinji would have become Lorenz Keel’s, groomed to be sacrificed in order to provide the head of SEELE with a younger body of his own blood that his soul could be transferred into instead of sacrificed to Tabris, body and soul intact. “Until then, I’d stayed out of that particular family squabble, because even though it suited my purposes to allow Keel to think I still felt some gratitude to him for being freed, even though I repaid that debt long ago, your mother was conducting some particular researches. I felt they were unlikely to produce any results, but the capacity for cruelty the L-humans possess… either way, there was no downside. But then, ah, then.” He nuzzled Shinji’s hair.

“…Me?” Shinji asked.                                                                               

“Restoring your mother, finding your father’s love of her intriguing was a good excuse for taking an interest in you without it being about _you_ and causing them to become curious,” Tabris explained. “Perhaps I should have found some way to acquire you younger, so you wouldn’t have been treated so, but I’d already made a rule that I would let none of their boy-children sell themselves to me before they turned fourteen. Seven and seven again: the numerology of it made them believe that was simply the way it worked.”

“You’ve been letting them think a lot of other things are just the way it works, haven’t you?” Shinji asked, feeling daring.

Tabris laughed. “Sometimes it’s useful, sometimes it’s a way to restrain their excesses of bad taste. Sometimes it is just amusing, you’re right. Yet I thought it could not be a bad thing, for you to have some more time out in the world, learning about it on its own terms, before you became mine. So you could tell me what you thought of this world. One of Israfel volunteered to do the same, to live among the humans thinking herself a human and give me her report, but her other self and the rest of us have all kept the humans from treating her as poorly as they treat the other humans. She still lives in a world where she knows that none would dream of raising a hand to her, not a world where one false move, and those you love will use pain to force you into compliance with their wishes, with the human world’s dictates.”

“Why me?” Shinji asked then. “Is there really a reason that I’m special? That something like you would care what I think?” Not how he felt, not just manipulating his love or causing his suffering, but what he thought? His opinions, what he wanted?

“There is,” Tabris promised him. “Would you like me to tell them? Tell the man who was never worthy to consider himself your father that he is not fit to breathe the same air as you?”

He stared at the fallen angel, something in him warning him that this was too good to be true, just like so many other things about Tabris, and he was pressing his luck. That his gentle Master was full of wrath right now, and he wasn’t smiling just because this would make Shinji happy but because this was part of some plan to devastate those who had trifled with him?

Anyone sensible would be scared, he was scared, with the devil himself like this, but Tabris knew what Shinji wanted and offered it to him so he couldn’t resist and so he scooted himself forward, until Tabris went to both knees so Shinji could sit on his lap. “What do you want me to do?”

“You don’t have to do anything but attend the ceremony and trust in me that you will be safe,” Tabris told him. “There is no need for you to lift a finger, but… if you want to help, there is one thing that might be icing on the cake.” He traced a curve across Shinji’s forehead. “May I make a few small changes to your appearance?”

He gave a little nod. “Yes, Master.” If it would be helping, if it would please Tabris, replace his seething anger with the knowledge that he would have vengeance soon? He wanted his gentle Master back.

“Thank you, Shinji.” Tabris pressed seven kisses to that forehead, along the line he’d drawn, and Shinji felt the bone of his skull shift.

He reached up when it was done and felt little nubs, covered with a velvety substance that came off the bone when he rubbed at it. “Horns?” he asked. Why horns? They weren’t sharp, just little nubby things. The ones furthest on the left and right just barely poked through his hair.

Tabris ducked his head, smirking to himself. “The seven-eyed mask hid your face from me. This is far more adorable.”

Shinji ducked his head and rubbed it against Tabris’ chest. “They’re a little itchy.”

“Like the horns of a young buck,” Tabris said, and hummed happily to himself while he scratched at them, stripping off the velvety stuff.


	20. Chapter 20

They were both content until night fell, and then Tabris started listening again, and what he heard only made him angrier. He paced the halls that night, muttering under his breath, curses in a strange language that sounded like song.

Shinji was so worried to see Tabris like that he couldn’t sleep either, and he found his way to the room where the incubi exercised and sparred mostly in the hope he could tire himself out, work off the nervous energy, but also reassure Touji and Hikari.

“The Master hasn’t been this upset in all the time I’ve been with him,” Hikari said, hands clasped together. “I’ve written to Mari to see if she remembers anything like this.”

“What the hell happened?” Touji bluntly demanded.

“SEELE, the Inner Circle, is planning something,” Shinji said, holding up his hands to forestall Touji’s wrath: the incubus’ claws were fully unsheathed. “He has a plan, and I’m trying to calm him down, but then he listens to the air and gets upset again.”

“The fallen angels and demons can speak to him that way,” Hikari told him.

Shinji remembered Tabris’ words appearing in his head at the opera house. He’d almost forgotten that part, between the beauty of the Israfel’s singing and the nervousness of his first time out in public in a dress. The glass of champagne and demon blood might have something to do with it, too.

“I’m looking forward to it,” she added with a sigh. “But we absolutely can’t become demons now, not when the Master is like this, and of course you don’t have the time for us to focus on training you, not when you’re trying to calm down the Master.”

“Do your best, Shinji,” Touji said, and maybe they were friends now, because there wasn’t any ‘or else,’ to it. “Anything you can think of that we can do?” We meaning all the incubi, Shinji was sure.

“I don’t know. Do you know anyone who is good at thinking of things like that?” Shinji asked.

“Kaji,” Touji said right away.

“But he’s…” Shinji blinked.

“Your servant,” Hikari told him, nodding. “And Leliel certainly won’t mind, if it’s for the master.”

* * *

Kaji was there when Shinji, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, padded into the kitchens the next morning to see if maybe making mulled wine and adding his blood would soothe Tabris enough to even get in bed with him at all. He nodded at Shinji as he finished swallowing the bite of kipper he’d taken. “Leliel’s looking like the cat that got into the cream,” he said with a worried expression. “He was drafting a letter of invitation for Misato to attend this midnight’s ceremony in disguise for one of the runners to deliver to her address when I left.”

“You can eat human food?” was the first thing Shinji asked, mystified.

“Not that much of it,” Kaji explained, “it’s the essence of life in the blood of power that keeps me alive and lets my body continue to function, but bodies will still wear out over time if they don’t eat, and I don’t want to end up a walking skeleton. I wish Leliel had told me that a little earlier,” he said, rolling back a sleeve and looking at the muscles of his forearm worriedly. “At least it’s replacing itself fast.”

“Will you be alright?”

“Mind asking Tabris that? Later,” Kaji added. When the devil was less upset. Kaji would rather not get any closer than he had to get to a furious King of the Underworld. “Did you know that there’s a storm over your grounds? It sprang up two days ago and hasn’t left.”

“No?” Shinji said. “The sky is blue in the courtyard. I think you were right, about the windows being enchanted.”

“The house has to be enchanted, if you haven’t heard all the thunder. I’ve lost all my sources, which is how I lost the arm, but-“

“You lost an arm?!”

“I had to tender my resignation to Her Majesty’s Government,” Kaji explained. “It was one thing to employ a sorcerer: plenty of precedent there. But one of the undead who can have their free will removed and become completely obedient to the prince of hell at any time should really not be anywhere near any of the people I’m sometimes called upon to guard when they’re somewhere riflemen are a possibility. Unfortunately, I know enough that, well, things got a little hairy until a certain Sir arrived and reminded them that dismembering my body, putting a stake through my heart and burying my remains under a crossroads wouldn’t do any good when my soul would just end up you-know-where. I mean, _I’d_ told them that, but I’d already got through telling them that they really shouldn’t trust me anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Shinji said, bowing his head. “It’s because of me, isn’t it?”

Kaji laughed, and reached out to ruffle his hair. “It’s because you couldn’t be in two places at once, boy. Both Keel and the w-“ A slight pause. “The woman you brought back let me know that they demanded I acquire you for them. I couldn’t deliver you to both of them, and whichever I didn’t bring you to would have felt slighted and had me offed. I knew I was a dead man walking when I got the first of the orders. Taking you to Misato was the best option.”

“Because she wouldn’t do anything to me that Master Tabris would torture you for,” Shinji knew. “Do you remember what it was like, being dead?”

“Like being in a fishtank,” Kaji told him. “Waiting for someone to scoop me out. Except I couldn’t see anything. I’d say it was like the womb if there was a heartbeat. I don’t think I got as far as my final destination before your Master brought me back, though.” He frowned, but, “Regardless, apparently before Ritsuko shot me she told Maya to flee to Misato for safety, so no one else would scoop her up. Maya’s been by here and a few other places doing alchemy, and she heard that it’s not Ramiel who’s responsible for the thunder and lightning there. So either it’s Tabris or, well,” Kaji looked at the ceiling. “You know who. Can’t say any of his names anymore.”

“My mother asked for me?” Shinji said next, and Kaji winced: it looked like he’d hoped Shinji’d missed that part.

“That’s… not something to be happy about,” he told Shinji. “Your mother, well, she’s Keel’s daughter and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Sorry to break it to you, kid, but trading your soul for someone like that? You got ripped off.”

“No,” Shinji said. “I’m happy I belong to Master Tabris now. I’m just glad she cares I exist. I don’t care what she wanted to see me for, just that she wanted to see me.”

“Well,” Kaji said, feeling in a coat pocket habitually for cigars that couldn’t be smoked on Master Tabris’ estate, when their master was utterly disgusted by the things. Possibly because tobacco was used for pagan holy ceremonies? If they had any effect on an infernal being as powerful as Shinji’s Master. “I care about whether or not England is about to be invaded by the Legions of Hell. I don’t know how long I’ll continue to care about the fate of my country or the world, and that’s in your hands.”

Shinji was taken aback. “I don’t want to take away your free will, Mister Kaji. And I don’t want Master Tabris to kill people, either. I don’t think he’s angry at anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”

Kaji didn’t look any less worried. “Either he’s mad enough to bring down the heavens on his entire estate or heaven’s pretty damn near to coming down after him. And I _couldn’t_ warn anyone. Except you, apparently.” Which was a relief. “Misato’s going to come tonight, I know it. With Maya. If only to try to spring Ritsuko. And not many of the Circle believe in due to the dead. When I went to cash in a few favors owed, I got reminded that I’m not my own man, or probably not even my own self, anymore, and they didn’t owe any debts to you and I can’t exactly claim that Leliel will call them to account if they don’t treat his servant with the proper respect and pay up what’s owed.”

“Ritsuko’s here?” Shinji was surprised. “After she shot you?”

“In the nicer area of the holding pens,” Kaji told him. “Where they put the prisoners that matter. Same area you were in, from when Gendo arrived until the ceremony started, just to be sure that Keel wouldn’t try anything with a compatible new body that close by. She’s not a sacrifice, but they also use that for sorcerers awaiting trial, since it’s heavily warded. Not even an alchemist’s elixirs would work to get her out of there.”

“I don’t know what I can do,” Shinji told him, and then realized that was a lie. “I should try to ask Master Tabris to have mercy, but he’s so furious right now.”

“Believe me, I don’t want him reminded that she exists right now either,” Kaji told him. “I don’t know what you can do either, kid. No one’s ever been in the position that you’re in, except for the fallen angels. Leliel’s jealous of you, and I’ve heard that Israfel is too.”

Shinji nodded. Makoto was, even if Cecelia was very nice. In hindsight, he saw what Tabris meant: they really had protected her from the world, allowed her to stay innocent, to believe that the world was made up of mostly kind people.

“Speaking of which, why the seven lamb’s horns?” Kaji asked.

“They’re lamb’s horns? Master Tabris asked me to wear them,” Shinji said, touching the right one. They didn’t itch any more, but they weighed on his head like a crown, and left him feeling a little self-conscious when he remembered they existed.

“And you don’t know what that means?”

Shinji shook his head.

“I would tell you,” Kaji said, “except it seems I can’t. Which may mean that I’ve guessed correctly.”

“Can I order you to tell me?” Shinji asked. “Since I’m your master.”

“I don’t know.” Kaji was worried. “I was ordered not to tell their secrets, and now that I’ve had a few days to think about it, I can tell that they took away the part of my free will that used to decide whether or not to say things like that. Now, when it comes up, there’s no decision to be made. I’m just not going to talk and that’s how it is. Right now, I can’t consider whether or not I’d tell, but I can consider whether or not I’d obey an order from you. It’s not the same kind of inevitability. I haven’t lost the free will to choose to disobey your will.” He didn’t want to lose it.

“If you had to obey someone,” Shinji asked, “Would it be Misato?”

Kaji looked startled. The idea of choosing who to obey? He’d been an agent of the British crown, a familiar to a few good people trying to at least protect Asuka from being enslaved and used as they’d been, but Misato? “I tried to propose to Misato once,” he told Shinji. “I didn’t have the courage. Too much chance that I’d die, and then she’d lose one more person. Better to be unreliable than have her rely on me, when I was only going to let her down. It… wouldn’t be bad,” he told Shinji, his eyes distant, “but I couldn’t…”

“ _Would you like to give him to Misato?”_

Shinji almost looked around to see where the voice was coming from. “ _Can I?”_

_“Look inside him,”_ Tabris told him. “ _Not the body, but the soul that inhabits that base flesh. There, on the forehead, that place where the surface is scratched, whatever was once written there long since erased. Inscribe Misato’s name.”_

Kaji dropped his fork, eyes widening. Suddenly overcome with guilt, for just doing what Tabris showed him, obeying his Master without thinking about it or asking Kaji first, Shinji reached out again and scored out the mark. Kaji looked horrified, whirling on him desperately. “Put that back!” he cried, and Shinji did.

The older man braced his hand on the table, caught his breath. “Thank you,” he said, and stood to go.

Shinji let him go, watching him as he just left, without even giving Shinji any advice on Tabris.

“ _That is what Iruel did for your friend Kensuke. I simply give the incubi a few instructions there, and not my name itself. Mari bears Asuka’s, as she wished: your father bore his wife’s, until she died. Losing their purpose is a horrible thing for… humans, and normally they come to hate their controller, when freed, for offering them a purpose and then cruelly taking it away from them. Your father reinscribed his Mistress’ name.”_

_“Am I… Am I writing your name there?”_ Shinji asked, drawing in a breath.

“ _You don’t have a space like that. You… but, tonight.”_ A hint of smugness in the affection he felt coiling around them, and then the sense of Tabris departed.

At least triumph made Tabris feel a little less angry for awhile, but even though Shinji was nervous, he was really looking forward to that night. It should all be over, after that.

Unless a war started. But for how long could mere humans possibly oppose God’s most powerful creation?

* * *

“I lost my free will,” he told her. “But it was going to happen anyway. I could feel it eroding. What was terrifying was that part of me wanted it to erode, just so I had a purpose. ‘A man can not serve two masters.’ But Shinji gave me to you.” She could see the relief, the inner peace, in every line of his body. His eyes, when he lifted them to meet hers from where he knelt at her feet, were full of dreamy adoration, just like Maya’s when Ritsuko first bound her because one of the cult members’ sons had already hired detectives to check out her family background and it was _better than the alternative_.

Misato didn’t need to hear Maya’s dreamy sigh in the background to know that she thought this was romantic. That she was genuinely happy for Kaji.

When it was all Misato could do to hold back tears. She was the one who had dragged him into this. In the end, the responsibility for his sacrifice rested with her. Just like her father.

Damn them both, she might say, if that weren’t the very issue.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have been looking forward to this...

It wasn’t much longer before he was going into the room where the ceremony would take place with Tabris. “You’re nervous,” his master knew. “And before the night is over, you will likely find yourself in at least one frightening situation.”

Shinji was nervous, but “You’ll be here, right? You won’t let anything happen to me?”

“I won’t,” Tabris promised. “I was just going to ask if you wanted me to keep you from getting upset, or feeling fear.”

He found himself taking a step back, and then another, until his foot went off the edge of the dais and he had to flail to keep his balance. He might have fallen over if Tabris hadn’t been there in an instant to catch him.

Eyes wide, he still couldn’t say anything until Tabris let go of him, and he found himself swallowing before he could say anything. “I thought you couldn’t control my feelings. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to keep my soul.”

That was the one thing Shinji had to trust absolutely. The more time Tabris spent convincing Shinji that he was loved, well, at least that proved that he wanted to get his hands on Shinji’s soul. That Shinji wasn’t a prize he intended to let someone else steal away from him, after putting all that effort into winning him. After debasing himself, and pleasuring a catamite, and everything he’d done, _especially_ if he didn’t love him, Tabris wouldn’t have risked anything that might result in Shinji’s soul being freed from his grasp, snatched away into Purgatory when Tabris intended to drag him down to Hell… right?

“Why?” he asked. “Why put so much effort into making me love you when you could _make_ me love you? Into coaxing me not to be afraid of you if you could just keep me from feeling fear?” And he’d offered it so casually?!

“There is a difference between I’m offering now and a love spell or enchantment,” Tabris told him. “It’s more like alchemy. Alcohol muddles men’s emotions, gives them courage or fills them with tears. I was going to suggest that you take a sip of the wine every so often throughout the ceremony. A little Dutch Courage.”

His breathing began to calm, because if it was just the wine, that wasn’t scary at all. It just made him feel warm inside, a little sleepy.

“Except,” Tabris said, looking away, “that alcohol itself acts upon the emotions, by interfering with the emotions that reside in the flesh. Opium does the same: it mimics pleasure, and so humans kill themselves in pursuit of it. My blood carries a portion of my power, and so it does my will. It changed your body so that it could channel the power of your soul, the first night you drank. That is why you fell asleep, because it had to act upon your dreaming mind. It did not make you any less human,” Tabris hastened to assure him. “In fact, the exact opposite: you remember that humans were made in the image of God, correct?”

Nodding, Shinji said, “So you just unlocked something that was already there?” he wanted to believe that, he knew. He was finding excused not to feel betrayed. Tabris had told him the first day that Shinji could stay human. He trusted Tabris enough to let him change him, with the horns, because he’d thought Tabris wasn’t doing things without permission.

Except he’d told Shinji before he drank that the blood carried power with it, didn’t it? Granted power to the humans that drank it. That was why everyone wanted to get their hands on it. He’d told Shinji to drink as much as he wanted, because Shinji was special. Shinji felt so stupid, not to realize that was infernal power he was taking into his body. Infernal blood running in his veins now. The blood of a fallen angel, not a human, and “You’re not telling the entire truth, are you?” he said, once again amazed by his own self-destructive daring, the way he was when he confronted Tabris about how Tabris was only trying to make Shinji love him so it would hurt more later.

“No,” Tabris told him honestly, and Shinji could see him hesitate now, trying to pick from among a sea of truths the one that wouldn’t scare Shinji. Or was he fishing for half-truths instead. “Your power is purely human,” he assured Shinji. “But remember how… there are certain things I allow them to believe. You were already scared: I wanted you to feel safe.”

If it wasn’t about changing Shinji’s body, “My emotions,” Shinji realized. “You can control them.”

“I never pretended I couldn’t,” Tabris reminded him. “Only that it would be inadvisable for me to do so. And I still don’t…” he hesitated. “Shinji, if I promise to reveal all before this night is over…”

“You want me to play along with what you want to do to punish the Circle?” Shinji remembered.

A black-cloaked woman wearing an elaborate opera mask entered the room, accompanied by an attendant. “Ah,” Tabris said gratefully, “Iruel, loan me your familiar for a moment.”

“Yes, Master Tabris?” Kensuke asked, after a glance at Iruel.

“Stand there,” Tabris ordered, motioning for him to halt. “I wish to show Shinji something.”

“Of course, Master Tabris,” was the response, and he stilled.

“Come here, Shinji,” Tabris said, and pulled Shinji’s back against his chest, then touched one of his fingers to the central of the seven horns. “Look with the same vision you used when I showed you Kaji’s soul. See the mark on Kensuke’s forehead? That is Iruel’s name, and the band that surrounds it are a handful of other commands, meant to ensure that his devotion is not excessive. That he does not kidnap others off the streets and force them to sing Iruel’s praises eternally, because there could be no higher purpose, no greater joy than to serve her.” Kensuke nodded. “That is what you fear I will do to you, yes? That I will _make_ you love me, and I know that you feel that your heart is the only thing you have to give me. That if I take it from you, then you will have nothing left to sacrifice to me. To give to me, in return for my kindness. And since no one would be this kind to you unless you had something they wanted…” He stopped when Shinji trembled in his arms. “I cannot inscribe my name upon your soul, Shinji. There is no place to write it. The place that in Kaji and Kensuke was warped and corrupted, what once was inscribed there long since rendered unreadable, does not exist in you.”

“Does that mean,” Shinji paused, gulped, “that I’m not capable of love?”

“Oh no, my dear lamb, it means…” The fallen angel nuzzled him, and Shinji felt his grin against his cheek. “May I tell them later? They intend to try to steal you from me, because they have realized that you are something greater than they are. May I tell you and them both, so they may kneel before you as you are exalted?”

“ _I’m a demons’s child, aren’t I? A fallen angel’s child,”_ is what Shinji would have asked, if it wasn’t the only thing he could think of. He didn’t want to ruin Tabris’ surprise.

Everyone said that his mother, well, had the good taste not to love his father, and it would explain why his father hated him. Was that what Tabris had planned for tonight? For Shinji to meet his real father? A father that would maybe love him, and tell him that he was a dutiful son, a good child, for pleasing their King?

Shinji truly wouldn’t mind being a nephilim, even if they were an abomination onto the Lord, if it meant that someone would love him. It already did mean that, because Tabris wouldn’t have noticed him and Shinji would have been possessed by his grandfather, most likely, if he wasn’t half-fallen angel. It was the only thing that explained everything.

It meant he was damned before he was born, and Shinji knew how kind Tabris was to his children. If Shinji was a grandchild, then of course Tabris wouldn’t want to torture him! No wonder Tabris didn’t hate him, if Shinji wasn’t a human.

He turned in his Master’s arms and would have tucked his head under his chin, except the horns got in the way. They definitely didn’t have _sharp_ points, but it still just didn’t work.

Feeling Shinji squirm, trying to find a good position, Tabris assured him, “You can get rid of the horns as soon as the night is over.”

“Thank you, Master,” Shinji said, relaxing a bit. “And I won’t be afraid. Not as long as you’re here.” He wondered what he would look like, with pale hair and skin and slit pupils. What color would his eyes be? He hoped for Tabris’ red.

Tabris kissed him, and even if Shinji was a coward, he really didn’t need the wine. “There is one thing that would make this night even more perfect,” his Master told him, smiling with light in his eyes instead of viciousness, and Shinji could not but grant it to him.

* * *

He was the one to place his blood into the wine first, and offer it up to his master. He’d only poured a small bit of wine into the Grail first, though, because he didn’t know if his Master could get drunk, and if tonight had any possibility of being dangerous…

They were wearing the half-Grecian, half Renaissance angel painting white robes from the first ceremony, so Shinji was careful when he carried the Grail back to Ramiel so she could refill the wine before Shinji returned it to Tabris’ side and knelt, holding it out to receive his Master’s blood.

He actually did wish to take just a sip, because the room was so quiet. When they entered, he was kneeling  before his Master’s throne, facing towards his master: at first, there was almost half the normal chatter, but then he turned, and the room went dead quiet. Shinji was sure there would have been shocked whispers if everyone didn’t know that the fallen angels could hear much better than humans could. He wondered what it was that everyone knew but him, about the horns. Weren’t devils supposed to have two?

“This night, you have brought me the most exquisite treasures you have stolen from all over the world. Sacrifices drenched in sin yet with their whole lives ahead of them, meaning that with time they could yet have redeemed themselves. Yet the greatest treasure of all kneels at my feet. The one true Son of Man born unto you. The book you believe is God’s own truth tells that his sacrifice could have redeemed you all… Except,” Tabris said, standing up from his throne, placing a hand on Shinji’s head, “He was sacrificed unto _me_.”

Shinji might have been stunned by what Tabris said, might have squawked or panicked and dropped the Grail, but it was patently obvious to him that the devil was doing what devils were supposed to do best: lie through their pointy teeth.

The delighted way Tabris smirked down at him proved it, the two of them sharing a joke at SEELE’s expense. “This very night, with all of you as witness, he will pledge himself to me eternally, never to leave my side and my bed. Not in his thirtieth year, not to return to his heavenly Father and be born again upon this earth. The blood of the lamb will never again be shed for aught but my pleasure. All you degenerate beings of tainted blood who crawl upon the earth are not worthy to stand in the presence of your God, and tonight he will kneel before me, and proclaim me his God.”

Shinji wanted to help, to play along, and maybe it was because the whole thing was so patently ridiculous that it seemed perfectly appropriate to bend down, abase himself still further, and dart his tongue out to lick at Tabris’ feet. It would be even better if they were boots, but Shinji had heard enough Bible verses to know that washing someone’s feet was a way to humble yourself before them, which was why the older boys made their boys do this sometimes. He’d heard ‘I hope you like the taste of leather,’ often enough, but Tabris’ feet tasted clean, and just like the rest of his Master.

This wasn’t really a very good position to try to suck his Master’s toes in, but while he was wondering about that and listening to Tabris saying how they would witness Shinji surrendering to him utterly, body and soul, as though Shinji hadn’t already just in case there was a cue for him to do something else in there, he heard people behind him spring into action.

He looked up in alarm to see his Master struck by oil, and powdered bone, and screamed. He tried to cover his master’s body with his own, but he was pulled away. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw that Iruel and Ramiel had fallen to the same assault. Ramiel’s other host had drawn twin daggers with lightning crackling between them, while Kensuke had his sword drawn, and then Kensuke, Kensuke was…!

Iruel cared enough to bring him back, right? If Tabris had brought Kaji back for Shinji, then surely he’d bring back Shinji’s only friend he ever had, even for a few months, before he came here?

There were hands grabbing him, turning him over onto his back and cutting away his clothing, but the only person he could think of was Kensuke, because Tabris, his master had _promised_ -

A great wall of force, a great will arose and flared outward, a Power, no, the greatest of all the angels flexing its wings. “Did you,” Tabris said, standing, false blackened flesh dissolving away to reveal unmarked, pale, perfect skin. “Truly think that the bone of a degenerate could harm me? That oils corrupt men muttered a few meaningless words over could _touch_ me unless I permitted it? You have forgotten,” he said, “but only because I willed you to.” And they stood amidst the ice.

The great pale body Misato described lay encased in a cliff before them, and Shinji was struck by the resemblance to a maggot for a moment, but that was only the infant form, and eventually something completely different would burst forth.

Like the being casually shedding Dr. Katsuragi’s clothing, not bothering to remove it intact but touching it, willing it to unravel itself and fall about his feet. A cry went up among the men, and a knife flashed on the edge of Shinji’s vision. Tabris’ head jerked up, and Shinji felt an echo of that familiar will engulf everything.

Everyone else stood frozen now, not merely the celebrants who had attended the ritual – looking around, Shinji suddenly realized that the young man with his eyes hidden behind black cloth, the mark of a seer, who stood over him looked very like himself – but also a number of men wearing clothing suited to the ice, and yes, there, on a block of ice smoothed to serve as an altar, was a smaller figure wearing nowhere near enough clothing for this place, a small figure with hair the color of Misato’s.

Tabris’ past self was the only one still moving, and all eyes were on him as he stepped forward, lifting something over his head. “A little trinket like this has no power to protect her,” he mused. “Just like it didn’t protect you. What was something like you even doing with something like this?” He lifted up his hand, let the white cross dangle from the necklace. “What is this faith you speak of? ‘Belief?’” He shook his head. “What in the name of the Infinite Heavens was Lilith doing, giving something like you degenerates permission to have thoughts and form opinions of your own? The scrap of shaped energy in this body isn’t even powerful enough to override the instincts of these barely-evolved native lifeforms she bred you as host bodies. Otherwise, a shovel would have no reason to delude itself into thinking it has any reason to be concerned with the fate of another shovel.” He glanced towards where Misato lay. “Nor any reason to destroy another shovel, a piece of their Mistress’ property.”

He looked down at one of the fallen bodies disgustedly before stepping over it, feet as comfortable on shattered ice as the man’s padded fur coat. “Your belief that you love the subhuman native life that carries a portion of your host body’s programming is just as delusional as this SEELE’s belief that _I_ am some figment of your overworked pathfinding programming that would have any reason to care about two lines at right angles to each other. And yet…” he jumped up onto the altar where Misato lay, and his face was unreadable, even to Shinji. “This world has life: even if it’s not the living things that _should_ exist, it is still life, and I can shape it to my will. Creatures that at least look something like true humans dwell here, so there is no need to determine a form that can survive here by creating children and…” Tabris stood there, silent until the wind changed its direction, a sudden blast of it roaring into the valley SEELE had cut into this mountain of ice in order to unearth their devil. It kicked up the snow, dusting Tabris and the still men who surrounded him with powder.

The men, and the child.

Tabris bent down to brush the snow off her face with his free hand and then lifted up her head, just enough to place the cord the cross hung from around her neck, then tucked it carefully under one layer of clothing, but not next to her skin, not when she was already dressed far too thinly. Shinji felt freezing just looking at this place. “Both of us… have children we should not care for,” he said, eyes distant. “You because you’re incapable of such an elevated emotion, and myself because I have my purpose. Yet I awaken to find that Lilith has stolen my world from me, and infested it with a degenerate, subhuman race. So should I not seize any silver lining I can from her grave transgression?”

Great white wings unfurled, and Tabris rose into the air, finally alighting on a great chunk of ice: larger than the one Misato rested on, probably too large to shape into an altar. “Your own twisted race memories call her Lilith, who lay with demons and the beasts of the field, and brought forth these,” he said disgustedly. “If she steals my world, then I shall steal her cattle. Yet I am still weak from my wounded slumber… and if they think they know my weakness, then they will not realize how they should fear me until I have taken everything I desire from them, as recompense for such disgusting, degenerate creatures befouling the world that was promised me.”

He laughed, and it might have echoed if it wasn’t carried away by the howling of the winds. “If some among you Lilim are wise enough to realize that they are tainted beings, who only exist by the grace of a God and have no purpose but to serve a God, then for now I shall allow them to serve _my_ purposes.”

The wind and snow vanished, and they stood in the great hall upon its floor of obsidian polished to a mirror sheen.

Moving away from his former captors while they were still in shock, Shinji lunged for the dais and Master Tabris, who caught him in his arms and seated himself regally on the throne, Shinji pressed to his side. “Stand, Lorenz Keel.”

The man who looked like an older Shinji: not that much older, even his father was showing more of the signs of age. Despite the blindfold, he still faced Tabris squarely, and even though this was the man Shinji had heard commanding the others to spread Shinji’s legs, in that chaos of grasping hands, it was hard not to admire his courage. Shinji hadn’t inherited a shred of it.

“I altered all of your memories of the day I awoke, so you believed that Father Katsuragi surrendered his cross to his daughter, that you regarded him as expendable even though he was the only defrocked priest you had with you. I did that so that you would believe that the cross would protect you Lilim against me. That I was the infernal being you sought.” Tabris’ expression changed from a smirk to contempt. “You believed me the source of all evil, and you brought me _children_ , Lilim. How could any of you possibly believe that you would ever be redeemed, that any of you were worthy to enter a God’s Kingdom? That the Son of Man,” he stroked Shinji’s cheek, “was here for _your_ sake? You call yourselves humans, but in truth, you are the children of Lilith! Fragments of the accursed souls of demons, inhabiting bodies born of miscegenation with the beasts of the jungle! What utter fools you were, to mistake _me_ for a demon!”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Can you guess my true name now, oh self-styled prophet? The name I gave you to call me is your hint. The angel of free will, when no angel _has_ free will, yet angels are the creations of God. What is the name of the one creation of God that possesses free will?”

It was blindingly obvious to Keel, and Tabris hid another laugh behind his hand. “I am Adam, Father of the true humanity, meant to rule this world. With me sealed away in ice, Lilith, the usurper, instead peopled it with the spawn of beasts and demons! You who claim to be the rulers of this Earth: you are not human, not those worthy to enter God’s Kingdom, merely Lilim. Worthy only to be cleansed from my Earth.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

“Kaji, we can look a gift horse in the mouth after we spring Ritsuko.”

“He is in far too good a mood,” Kaji insisted, looking at Leliel warily.

“He can also hear you,” the fallen angel commented, touching his finger to a keyhole. The lock clicked open.

“Forgive us, Master Leliel,” Maya said sweetly. “We don’t want to seem ungrateful.” Not when _Leliel had volunteered to let out Mistress Ritsuko for them_. Maya liked Misato, since she was Mistress Ritsuko’s dear friend, but as much as she understood it, she really did not give two figs for Kaji’s suspicion on his Mistress’ behalf, not when this was _her_ Mistress here.

“I wasn’t expecting him to be grateful in the first place,” Leliel said as he removed the padlock, set it aside, and moved aside the panel it had secured. “Not when this woman’s betrayal cost him his life, and his alleged humanity.”

Misato turned back to Kaji to give him a doubtful look, clearly about to ask him if he was one of Tabris’ attempts to plant a keeper on her. Kaji stared back at her. Why was she acting like Kaji might have kept being an incubus or something from her for _years_ just because a fallen angel made a crack like that? “You’re the one who got _me_ into this, not the other way around,” he told her. “And I’m not angry with Ritsuko,” he added, sticking his hands in his pockets to show he didn’t care about that or about the cut of his clothing. “You want to get her out, then we get her out.”

“She cost you your free will,” Misato reminded him.

“I don’t want it back,” he told her. “There are words I’ve wanted to say for years. A question I wanted to ask. I didn’t have the courage, or the strength, to think I could give you what you deserved when I had all those other obligations. Now I understand why the Incubi keep referencing that piece of Scripture about how a man should not serve two masters. I serve you now. And you’re the one I wanted to serve. All of my other obligations don’t matter, next to that. I tried to devote myself to you years ago, and found myself wanting: now there’s no doubt involved. Because there’s no choice to be made. I am yours.” That was that. So simple, so perfect. “I am your knight… I am your devoted servant, in any capacity you are willing to have me. Nothing can change that. Even if Ritsuko shoots me again, or some of my old mates from an address that doesn’t exist have a stake pounded through my heart and hide the body under a crossroads… I knew that if I tried to make you happy, I’d just get myself killed and fail you. Now, I’m already dead.”

“You people are much happier without choices,” Leliel said, adjusting two of the wires, ignoring the sparks that wreathed his gloved fingers, “since you weren’t intended to make them. You grow confused easily, and it distresses you. You’re much happier when someone else gives you a purpose.”

Misato was the only one who didn’t nod.

“Stopping my father, saving the world?” Didn’t this ring any bells for her? “A grand purpose indeed, to prevent your fellows from finding happiness. Then again, you see this world for what it is, and you know it doesn’t deserve happiness.  They were provoked into acting already?” he demanded when the sparks vanished. “Now I _do_ regret making a detour on the way. The door won’t open without Ramiel’s power flowing through it properly. These rooms were enchanted to resist alchemy and all the ways you Li- have of breaking into and out of places, so the only way in now is through my power.”

“Your power?” Maya asked, looking around his shoulder at the panel. She was clearly thinking of ways to generate lightning, but acquiring the copper and zinc and all the other components would take too long.

“He’s the angel of the night,” Kaji knew, but would that seriously give someone some kind of mystical jurisdiction over breaking and entering?

The darkness beneath his feet rippled and began to spread. “My shadow – not my physical shadow, my soul’s shadow – is a door to a space of eternal night, where the natural laws of the universe are beyond the comprehension of most people, even fallen angels. Certainly beyond the comprehension of your kind. My shadow can flow past physical obstructions, because in that place, these solid walls are the shadow, and a shadow cast in that place and brought into this world would be solid here.”

“So you _are_ the angel of breaking and entering,” Kaji quipped. He thought it was probably perfectly safe. Leliel seemed to feel like showing off, and was in much too much a good mood over whatever Tabris was doing while they hung around down here to care about trapping a familiar-bound apprentice alchemist, a vampire and a puny mortal.

Leliel ignored him, focusing on sending his shadow flowing under the door, and that was when a forest of white arms emerged from the darkness under his feet and dragged him down.

More hands emerged from the shadow, tearing at the edges of it, and a multitude of legs and arms and shoulders that seemed a single slimy, pallid mass attempted to force their way through.

Kaji and Misato looked at each other, grabbed Maya’s arms and hauled her out of there. She fought them every inch of the way, but even if she hadn’t, they still might not have been able to outpace the things that poured from the hole in reality.

* * *

“The proof is that you are unable to overcome your animal natures, ruled by your urges: the proof is that the ‘free will’ you delude yourselves into thinking you possess is only the absence of orders! For demons are merely degenerate angels, and angels exist to obey, to worship.”

Shinji clung to Tabris’ side. His Master had said he was different, right? The contempt in that voice, normally so gentle, wasn’t directed at him? But this was the triumph his Master had planned for days, his revenge for them daring to plot to lay their hands on Shinji, maybe?

He’d hidden this from them since before Shinji was born: was Shinji the reason he was telling the truth now? Because he wanted Shinji to know?

“All of the endeavors of you who dare call yourselves humans, all your searching after truth, is only your drive to find a God to worship. That is why you are so desperate to have this world be ruled by a god, because you know you are not meant to, are _incapable of_ ruling yourselves. All your attempts to understand the universe are merely searching for your forgotten orders. Your true quest all along was to find your master, nay _, any_ Master so you could kneel at their feet and sing their praises, for you are nothing but pathetic, corrupted fallen angels shackled to those apelike forms. You are not worthy to stand in the presence of a true human, one truly made in the image of God!” Upon that final word, everyone in the room who had regained their feet save Shinji, Iruel and Ramiel fell to their knees. Even Shinji was rocked by the force of Tabris’ soul pressing against him, and he wasn’t standing up, just leaning against his Master’s side.

“You label your fellow Lilim subhuman because their skin is different, because they do not have weapons that can fight against yours, because they were not born into wealth and privilege unearned, but you are no better than they are. Perhaps you treat each other like slaves because you know that is _all you are_. You exist to serve your betters: Lilith bore you for no other reason. In principle, I should have cleansed you from this world, but it occurred to me that you had some use. I saw you do the same thing to those you thought your lessers. This entire concept of ‘empire,’ of ‘colonization.’ In your madness, coupled with your desire to praise your betters, you have created songs that please Israfel. Simple machines that amuse Iruel.”

It was Kensuke’s fondness for military equipment that brought him to Iruel’s attention: if Iruel _liked_ that kind of thing instead of just seeing it as her job, then maybe they had that in common? Shinji could hope.

If _Iruel_ was the human, and Kensuke the crippled angel, then maybe it wasn’t creepy at all that Kensuke was so happy to serve her? He remembered Kensuke standing there, in the livery of his Lady, singing her praises, excited for his future and for Shinji, that Shinji had a chance at the same bliss.

“Father Katsuragi told me a story, of how a tribe of you Lilim in the Americas mistook another Lilim for not simply a God, but the enemy of the ruler of their pantheon, because it was a God of another tribe of Lilim whose power they had usurped, taking their cities and possessions for their own. So they felt they had to placate this false God called Cortez, because he came bearing heaven’s punishment for their transgressions against their fellow Lilim. Your tribe of Lilim has subjugated far more Lilim and sacrificed them at the altars of your power than those Aztecs ever did. So you mistook me for your great evil, the one who would come to bring you a reckoning… and you brought me child sacrifices.”

Great was Adam’s wrath. “You _dared_ to mistake me, not for the divine being I am, but for one of you miserable Lilim! You thought that I, like your fellow degenerate Cortez and his men, would _enjoy_ tormenting children, taking pleasure from their helpless bodies? I awaken on what may be _my_ world, but is still a New World to me, for I slept while it was defiled, and you think that, like Columbus, I would want my men paid in _children_ , from among those my aid let you conquer and take as your slaves?! Even if they are merely the spawn of beasts without free will, without true humans, _you_ believed them children, and you still… You treated children like that,” Tabris said, wrath suddenly cooling to mere contempt, slow, cool words “ _And you deluded yourself into believing_ that any God at all would want you anywhere near his own child for the rest of eternity.

“But you did it to serve God,” and now his voice was taunting. “ _Anything_ to serve your god, to do his will, to earn the right to be near him and praise him for eternity. Forget your inability to recognize _my_ true nature. I cannot understand how it was not blindingly obvious to you that _you were no human_. No free willed-being, merely a corrupted angel wearing the shambling body of a beast. You are truly pitiful, Keel, and I pitied you. That is why…well, that is half of why I continued to play this game, to give you hope, long after your ships carried my seed to every corner of this, my world.”

He held out his left hand, since Shinji clung to the right, and a hole opened up in the palm, parody of stigmata. Blood poured down, spreading over the stone, more than a human body could spare. “My blood contains my power. You drank it, took it into your bodies. My power allows me to reshape life as I will it. You knew that Adam was made in the image of a Creator God: do you understand now what it means? That he was given dominion over all the beasts of the field, not simply you, born of those beasts, but _all_ of the plants and animals bow to my will. With my blood, I can make my will known to them, and to you. Your minds and your bodies. That which my blood has touched is within my power. It will reshape itself as I will it.”

That living red flowed over the stone, around Keel’s feet, and the weaker among them stumbled back from it in fear of what it represented. The fact it was already too late to run. Some of them tried the door, but it seemed to be locked behind them, and Shinji saw some of them gesture, shout words of power, but the power was no longer pretending to be under their command. The red seeped onward, some of it spreading ahead of the rest almost unseen through cracks in the stone, just as Tabris had made use of their flaws.

 “I willed that my immortal blood be fruitful, and multiply, and cover this earth, concealing itself and spreading  until I held all of it within the palm of my hand. That is why I let you bring me to the heart of your empire, to this city that receives ships bearing stolen goods from all over the world, an empire of pirates and thieves: the only Lilim who are outside my control are those your grasping, greedy hands have never touched. All of you are just as much my hosts as poor Father Katsuragi. The only difference is that I never bothered to seize control. Merely watched through your eyes, took counsel of your experience with this world, learned your dirty tricks, although for ten years now I have mostly left such things to Leliel. You people disgusted me.”

The door exploded open. Bodies went flying away from it, not through, and Shinji realized that this wasn’t someone managing to break out, but someone breaking in.

“That’s why I released your body when Shinji asked it of me. Well, that and because he was the one who asked,” Tabris said, glaring, as an older version of Rei walked through the door, flanked by blood-splattered female bodies.

There were no paintings of her in the house. She’d detested sitting for them and Gendo had burned the two they had, along with most of her possessions, in the days after her ‘tragic,’ ‘accidental’ death.

“I have Misato Katsuragi,” she said gloatingly, waving forward three of the pallid corpses: it seemed to take that many to restrain her, even though the eldritch glow their bodies had made it obvious that they were some kind of magic. “If I have them kill her, the contract you’ve made will be broken, and without a body you’ll be once again imprisoned in the ice. Now, be a dear and hand over my experiment.”

Keel laughed, and while there was plenty of chagrin it was far from a broken sound. “It seems, my daughter, that neither of us had any idea of what we were truly getting ourselves into this night.”

“Be quiet, old man,” she said to her own father, which was shocking to Shinji, the disrespect of it, even if he did look less than half her age, only a few years older than Shinji. “If you can’t subdue a single devil after fifteen years of preparation and study then it’s obvious. Your time is past. Serving the ruler of a single city, its population a fraction of London’s… Why would anyone desire that when there is a _world_ to _rule_?” Of course Lucifer agreed with her, her smile said. That it was better to reign in hell than serve in the heavenly city, that her father’s dreams and goals were far, far too pitifully _small._

“Master Shinji.”

“Rei?” Shinji said, blinking. She was still wearing her uniform, but for some reason she carried a strange black-and-white ball. It wasn’t fully inflated, judging from how her fingers were pressing into it, deforming the shape. Beside him, Tabris drew in a breath, and Shinji had to be mistaken, there couldn’t be worry and alarm in that sound.

She stepped forward over the broken, twitching bodies. “Won’t you become one with me?”

Of course he would become one with Rei. Shinji hopped down from the throne and started to walk over to her.

The noise from behind him didn’t register, not as Tabris’ voice or his own name. When a hand grabbed his arm he fought to pull it loose. She was calling for him. He had to go to her.

He reached for her desperately, and almost didn’t believe what he saw. Rei was walking towards him. Rei thought he was worthy, and there were tears in his eyes. When a wall of white light sprang up between them, he screamed, a high, alien sound, because he couldn’t see her, and then calmed an instant later because he could still hear her call, still feel her there, and he just had to reach her. Just had to fight to reach her.

Whirling, Shinji attacked the arm that held him back with teeth and claws that sprang into existence, his form adapting to meet the challenge, because how _dare_ anyone try to keep him from Rei? They must want Rei for themselves! So they could be one with her, and Shinji would be alone and unwanted and unloved, not again, never again! He would return to her, be one with her, and he would never be alone again.

A thrill of savage satisfaction ran through his body when the enemy cried out, and behind him fingers stabbed through the wall of light, twisting and tearing it open so a small body could step through.

The strange maid’s distraction let Misato slip free of the empty-eyed bodies that held her. At first she didn’t know why she first ran for the small patch of shadow that still lay on the ground like a deflated pig’s bladder ball after the girl, who was practically Shinji’s twin sister, had punctured it with her nails and thrown it aside to attack the barrier instead. Maybe it was the scream, soon echoed from inside the barrier. Oh, yes, she told herself, it was because Kaji and Maya were still in that other space, and the damn fallen angel was her only way to get in there to get them out.

If they were still Kaji and Maya at all. If she hadn’t done something terrible by not stopping Ritsuko from doing what she did to the poor young student, even if one of the sons of the damn old men was already after her. Should they, could they, have tried to spirit her out of the county?

The witch was laughing in delighted triumph, that the maid had managed to break through Lucifer’s wall of power.

Three shots rang out, and Misato turned to see the German girl whose mother and stepmother Kaji had allied with turning her pistol to fire another set of three at the maid, as the witch’s body fell to the ground.

“I _thought_ she wouldn’t have renewed her pact if she intended treachery,” Asuka said with satisfaction. “But I didn’t expect that to work,” she shrugged and reholstered her pistol, drawing another one, when shimmers of light around the maid sent her shots falling harmlessly to the ground. “Mari, are you any kind of match for that creature?”

“I have no idea,” the brunette succubus said cheerfully, getting up from where she was lounging by her Mistress’ feet and stretching, utterly unconcerned with her nakedness. “Let’s find out!” A great panther sprang forward, lunging at the demonness (or homunculus?) with a roar.

She did not even reach out a hand, simply letting Mari’s greater feline form swipe at her barrier of light, then pounce from above, using all her weight and will to try to drive home those claws as Shinji fought to break free of the devil and the girl she’d heard them call Rei advanced. Tabris was trying to pull Shinji back, but the boy had grown claws of his own, and even though Tabris’ power could keep them from tearing his face off, he hadn’t kept Shinji from digging those on his feet down to root himself, cracking the floor of the room. Perhaps he was too distracted to notice, crying out for his lover to return to his senses, for the girl to release him – Lilith? Had he just called her Lilith?

He threw up wall after wall in her path, but they wavered when Shinji tried to hurt him, even if the boy hadn’t succeeded yet, as far as Misato could tell. The slightest, smallest opening, and Lilith seized it, used it to break it down: were they so evenly matched? But then, some of the apocrypha said that Adam and Lilith were created back to back, both of them infused with God’s divine breath. Of course the power of God could overcome the devil, even this devil.

Ramiel and Iruel joined the fight, and Misato wondered then who she was rooting for, why she might feel relief, even for a second, that Tabris’ children were coming to his aid, except it wasn’t Lilith that was the target of Ramiel’s thunder.

Shinji cried out again, that inhuman scream, and how wrong it was that Tabris sounded far more human, enough to stir some pity in her breast at the heart-wrenching sound of it, and did he really love that boy? A human?

The fallen angel whirling to stare at his children in shock and horror let Shinji slip free, run past the devil and into Lilith with a cry of “Rei!”

She wrapped her arms around him. Tabris ran to separate them, but it was too late: their bodies were melting together, like the wax of a burning candle, and as Iruel and Ramiel called up walls of light of their own to take shelter behind, the flesh of the two of them flowed into the shape of a naked girl, just like the vacant bodies that had held Misato captive.

One of those bodies popped, as skeletal wings grew from Lilith’s back. Another, another, they turned into blood and gelatinous goo and flowed into the body at the center of the room.

The shadow in Misato’s hands flowed into her body, and she felt her own lips move to cry, “Father! Get back!”

The unearthly body made from all that stolen flesh leaned towards Tabris, and from where she stood to the side of it, Misato could see its breasts recede as its hands reached out, hair that was already strangely short for a girl growing even shorter.

“Get back!” Asuka ordered, followed by something that was almost certainly ‘you idiot’ in German, and Misato wondered if she was talking to her familiar, her Master, or both.

“Shinji,” Tabris whispered, the red in his eyes fading as those hands wrapped around his flesh, reached into his flesh.

Misato’s hand moved, obeying a will that wasn’t her own, calling up the power of a soul that wasn’t her own to try to protect them both as Tabris was pulled into the mass, as the being of light expanded outward, through the roof, thorough their bodies.

She blinked, and Tabris stood before her. Not wearing the draping white he’d had on him at this ceremony, but the long, warm white robe over a simple shirt and trousers belted at the waist with a soft cotton tie he’d worn while she lay on his lap, while he sang words into her mind, rubbed lost strength back into her limbs. Infused her mind with something beautiful, to counter all the ugly years in that place. So she could have dreams as well as nightmares.

How had she forgotten? No, he’d made her forget, the hours he spent singing her back into sanity nothing more than a vague dream. A feeling of warmth, the knowledge that she was loved, and valued, and so she should value herself.

He reached out those warm hands to them, offering them warmth, offering them comfort, and Misato saw Leliel’s barrier fell, felt the fallen angel’s surrender to his father’s will, his _desire_ to surrender and be taken up into those arms. No. Absorbed into the mass along with his father’s soul.

Tabris was her enemy. And this was wrong, Tabris shouldn’t be here like this, and for a moment the image wavered and she saw one of the naked homunculi. Another instant, and Tabris’ form was there again, and she knew that was because he was what she wanted to see.

If her father had loved her, he’d never shown it: of course he never had, that was unsuitable for a man. Even so, why was she seeing Tabris’ image now? Why was _he_ the person he associated with warm arms, caring, absolute trust and safety, not her mother?

The illusion wavered. “But we are your mother,” the red-eyed maid with hair so black it seemed almost blue said in a voice that was not hers alone. Was this what it sounded like, when that demon told the Savior ‘We are Legion?’ Shinji’s boyish tones were there, and Tabris’ calm familiarity. “We are everyone’s mother. It is time for you to return to us. Your task is finally complete.”

“Getting to watch those damn old men’s hearts break, but now this! Verdammt cat in heat! Can’t she tell the difference between her true mistress and this thing?” Asuka’s strident objections cut through the fog in Misato’s mind.

“Come with us, Asuka, my treasure,” said a woman in a witch’s robes, wrapping her arms around her daughter’s back. She vanished when Asuka froze and then fell apart into more of that foul stuff. Misato was suddenly struck by the comparison to marmalade.

Yet while she stood frozen, warm, familiar arms had engulfed her as well, bringing with them the scents of incense and the sea.

She fell back into them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A life form from another world found in Antarctica: yes, The Thing is one of those stories that wasn’t around yet, otherwise SEELE would have had a prayer of not being wrong genre savvy.
> 
> Cosmic horror: there may be other beings out there! And those beings may treat us, our culture, our ideas of right and wrong, our property and our personhood the same way we treat natives! Although I doubt Lovecraft made the connection that colonization is bad to do unto others. Very xenophobic and incredibly racist person.
> 
> What’s really sad is that the stuff about Columbus isn’t revisionist history. These documents aren’t things that were suppressed and people outside Spain are only finding out about them now.
> 
> This used to be common knowledge. English people used to be taught this, taught about all the ungodly horrible things the Spanish were doing in the New World.
> 
> Because this made it a moral imperative for the English to get over to the new world and ‘liberate’ the poor exotic underage rape and torture victims from the Spanish. So the English could exploit the New World themselves.
> 
> It’s Columbus not being evil that’s the revisionist history. At some point, someone must have chosen to teach English-speaking children something other than what they personally knew to be true, and that's quite disgusting.
> 
> We have tons of accounts of this. Written by the Spanish themselves. Since apparently with a few exceptions they just didn’t see anything wrong with any of the horrible things they were doing, so they admitted it freely. Britain had a propaganda field day, because it was all true. You couldn’t make that shit up.
> 
> There’s a science fiction book involving people from a bunch of different time periods ending up back in (one of) the age(s) of the dinosaurs, and someone tells someone else that if they find themselves caught between velociraptors and conquistadors, run towards the velociraptors. They won’t rape and torture you first.


	23. Chapter 23

“ _What do you want?”_ she asked him, looking down at him where they lay at the bottom of a blood-red primordial sea, joined at the hips in symbolism of the act of coming together in creation. “ _You are the child that has survived to reach me. It is for you to determine the shape that this world and its future shall take.”_

_“The… child?”_ he asked her. He was certain he didn’t understand any of this. What was this place, why Rei had eyes and skin like Tabris’, and pale blue hair that clearly no human should have.

It was cheap black dye, he somehow knew, that grew blue as it faded. Or was it Rei’s power working to purify her form, to destroy the artifice that kept her looking like a mere mortal? The way the dye was almost completely gone now, in this place made of her power.

There was one thing he knew that wasn’t confusing at all, though, and he knew exactly why he was so certain of it. She asked him what he wanted, and the answer was “ _I want to be with Tabris. I really would go to hell, just to be with him for the rest of my life.”_ Allowed to kneel at his feet, to curl up at his side, to be held in those arms.

She blinked at him, eyelids moving slowly, so slowly, as slow as continents. “ _One of my children was never meant to set foot upon this world. This is Adam’s world. But this is the time of Genesis.”_

The sea around them wavered, and Tabris appeared, standing over them. “ _Release him.”_

Shinji would have stood, to throw himself into his Master’s arms, but his hips weren’t his own, so all he could do was reach up to him.

_“Adam_ ,” Rei-Lilith said in greeting, a regal queen to a fellow king. “ _You are finally found_.”

“ _Found_?” he asked her.

“ _I installed golems into some of the native life in order to find you and release you from whatever had imprisoned your vessel and kept your soul from awakening, or finding a new vessel_ ,” she told him. “ _I do not understand how a human soul escaped my care in order to be incarnated in the flesh of one of those golems. This was not my intent, Adam_.”

“So they were not children,” Tabris, Adam, said (or was it thought?) and relaxed. “I had begun to wonder if you had decided to use your power to turn the children you carried into slaves, and fled to my planet instead of the one you were given so that your crime would not be discovered. After so long, I did not realize… You have delayed your journey to your world by far too long, Lilith. It will be overrun by native life, just as mine is.”

She shrugged. “At least this accidental Genesis has cleared the ground of your world for you. But did your faulty landing damage your memory? How did you mistake simple golem programs for children?”

“They were clearly golems, and yet I observed them acting like children,” he told her. “As though they had wills of their own. Monstrous children, incapable of any sort of moral reasoning, but they did have thoughts, opinions, the ability to come up with the most ridiculous ideas, completely divorced from reality. The capacity for imagination, for creation, is one of the things that render we humans superior to all other life. I thought that you must have taken the golem obedience programming and imposed it on crippled children’s souls with only a fraction of the power that was their birthright.”

Lilith’s absolute revulsion echoed through their joined body and made Shinji want to throw up.

“Shinji seemed to be the proof of that,” he told her. “When I detected his soul’s vessel growing within one of the golems that I was using as a host, although I hadn’t displaced the golem’s programming. It seemed as though that golem’s experiments-“

“Experiments?” Lilith interrupted, mystified.

“You see why I thought them humans reduced to the level of golems, instead of true golems?” he asked her.

“Perhaps I did not alter the native life enough. Incompatibility with the native circuitry may have corrupted their programming,” she speculated. “I did not feel right about tampering with life on your world, even in order to find you.” Not beyond the absolute minimum necessary.

“It seemed Shinji managed to escape that fate,” he told her. “That a human slipped loose, when the process of a body being ensouled was disrupted… I thought that your control wavering resulted in a human escaping unprogrammed, not a human escaping at all. Or… not escaping the programming fully. He seemed to have some traces of the golem need to obey, but if what you say is true, perhaps that is entirely due to his upbringing, not merely enhanced by it.”

“It is strange and embarrassing that one of my children ended up incarnated in _native life_ without my knowledge,” Lilith agreed, turning her unblinking gaze upon Shinji. “If he has already escaped from containment once, I do not think it safe to travel with him to my intended planet. He desires to stay here as one of your children.”

Would Tabris permit that? Shinji felt Lilith’s worry in addition to his own. When her creations had damaged his world’s atmosphere and oceans in the process of overrunning it and each other instead of doing their one job and locating him, would he allow one of her children to stay here, on his world? Or would he feel it was like clasping a viper to his bosom?

Tabris knelt next to them, reached out a hand into Shinji’s chest. “This is the time of Genesis,” he told Shinji. “You are the one who has come before me... us,” he amended that, out of politeness to Lilith, “and been found worthy. What is the world that you desire?”

“I don’t care,” Shinji told him. “Anything you want. As long as you’re there,” _Master_ , he almost added.

“That _is_ disturbing,” Lilith said, after a pause.

“The golems have a _culture_ ,” Adam told her, just as confused as she was, although there was a spark of at least scientific interest in such a strange phenomenon there, if not fascination. “Cultures. All the ones that survive attempt to impose more proper golem behavior on any that show too much individuality or independence of thought, by using pain to motivate the vessel, both physical pain and the pain of rejection. Yet it is still shocking that such simple machines have any semblance of individuality at all, and enough pretense to intelligence that it wasn’t immediately obvious that a true human wasn’t one of them.”

“This planet seems to have a habit of causing massive, unprecedented technical difficulties.” Only two, yes, but first Adam malfunctioning on landing and now causing simple technology that had been in use for billions of years to act so strangely? Then there was how her _own_ soul had somehow ended up in a human/golem vessel hybrid, because it had been hooked up to what was left of her body and at least had an imitation of a brain, after hers was destroyed by one of her own malfunctioning golems… “Well, the native life and the malfunctioning golem vessels have been converted into LCL.” Thank goodness, because all of this was truly disturbing. “Forgive me for initiating Genesis on your planet without your permission.”

“If you wish to apologize, then may I download the golems from you? If you haven’t already deleted them.”

“I planned to. If their programming was that distorted, then I couldn’t have counted on even having their files repaired making them safe to use.” What if they turned on her other children the way they tormented Shinji?

“You repaired their files?” Tabris looked a little disappointed. “An automatic process, but I was hoping… It was possible that some of what made them ape sentience was in those corrupted files.”

“I also seem to be missing some of them. The number stored is smaller than the number that was generated.” Had the corrupted artificial intelligences that developed such sadism _escaped_?

“Oh, the ones I overwrote, and the ones I attempted to repair, or at least I thought I was repairing them, by attempting to grant them the power and freedom due a true human, were uploaded to me instead,” he told her. “I didn’t want you to steal them back from me and cripple them again, if you ever awoke. Why were _you_ unable to awaken?” he asked her.

“I was awaiting a report from the golems that they had located you,” she told him. “Until then, I went into dormancy, just as if I was still between the stars.” So she wouldn’t be awake and bored on someone else’s planet, where it would be improper to tamper. “It seems the meddling of the golems first transferred a portion of my soul into a native body, and then triggered the Genesis program.”

“With their programming corrupted, even the ones who made contact with you who knew of my existence couldn’t report it to you,” Tabris realized. “And of course you wouldn’t have set the program to detect my children and awaken you, not when you made a detour like this because I _couldn’t_ awaken on my own.” So it would have to be the golems that would locate him, and report it to her first thing so she could supervise his awakening and make any necessary repairs.

“So you programmed them to explore, find something there and take it, or at least the knowledge, back to you?” Tabris mused, although he was still staring thoughtfully at Shinji. “If that is the programming that was corrupted, it explains much of what wasn’t explained by the drive to locate a purpose or a being that could program them a new purpose.” Their abominable behavior, the crimes of the pirate empire he’d discovered stealing the riches of the world that should have been his.

“They want to have a purpose?” Shinji asked, feeling very slow. Most of this conversation was going over his head even with Lilith in his head, interpreting for him. “Is that why Kaji was upset when I erased Misato’s name? And Kensuke is happy, and Touji and Hikari… May I really choose what the new world is like?” he asked Tabris.

Adam nodded. “You are the life that is worthy to go on into the future. It is my purpose to have children, choose which child is worthy, and create the new world in the form they desire.”

“Then… may I have a world where no one is cruel to anyone else?” Shinji begged, knowing it was too much. “Where everyone is happy, and cared for? Where you’re with me always, a world like the one Cecelia thinks she lives in, where no one would hurt her.” He’d envied her that shelter. “The place the world seemed like once I became yours, that’s what the world should be.” Everyone would be happy then.

“…I think you mean not after you became mine, but after you started to believe that I didn’t intend to hurt you,” Adam said sadly. “I know that you don’t want others to live in heartbreak and fear like that. Not when you turned down vengeance on your father. The world I would create for you… Your parents will see that you are greater than they are, Shinji, and love you as you deserve.”

Adam’s hand was still in his chest: were his fingers wrapped tight around Shinji’s heart? Because that heart was his, and Shinji would have surrendered his self if he hadn’t already surrendered it to Lilith.

Oh no! He, he had…!

“Of course you answered the call of the seed that carried you, Shinji,” Adam said with a kind laugh. “It is not adultery when you had no choice in the matter, no more than my children would have had if I ever called. Which is far from the only reason I never did… I already have many Lilim… pseudo-souls stored, and if I give them new bodies, and at least make those souls a little more… substantial then there is no need to take your soul apart to analyze it. You don’t want a new world, you want the old one to go on into the future, a little wiser, wise enough to be kind.”

Shinji closed his eyes. Someone understanding him so well, someone kind enough to want to make everyone happy… “I want the world where you said you loved me, and meant it.” Because here and now they were blurred together, so he could feel that Adam really did, but that meant he had to get out of here soon. Otherwise, Adam would see too much, see what Shinji was really like, and not love him anymore.

Adam laughed, but, “Alright. It’s safer for your soul to leave the mass before I begin, so I don’t act on instinct and take it apart to serve as a blueprint for the world. I’ll need to restore my children and my favorites from among the Lilim before I begin.”

“And I shall depart for my world,” Rei agreed. It was strange to feel her slip away, their bodies becoming separate, or at least seeming to do to, in this strange place. A fragment of Lilith’s knowledge in his head told him that this red sea was what had become of all life on Earth, that it was the sea of everyone’s souls.

As she departed, Tabris focused, spreading great wings in this place, and Shinji could feel the mass echo his movement, for Adam was the undisputed master now, with Lilith gone. Rei gone. Would he get to see her again? It was strange to want to see people again, like Kensuke. Like how Shinji would have been sad, to never see Kaji again.

Never seeing Tabris again, that thought was too horrible to contemplate, and as he thought that the current began to pull him away, sweep him towards some distant shore.

He awoke on a beach, he knew not where. The tide was red, and above him was a giant with Tabris’ form and wings of light. His face was serene, focused in concentration, and there was nothing to do but look up at him, but wait for him to be done. For him to return.

Shinji sat there in a daze, the sun beating down on his skin. He didn’t have any clothes, but Tabris had explained that his power would protect him from sunburn and heatstroke, too. Perhaps he drowsed for a bit, because it wasn’t like there was anything else to do. There weren’t any trees to take shelter under, not yet, and no signs of human habitation. Nothing to do but watch the waves, or rather ripples, caused by the movements of Tabris, the surges of his power, the beating of those great wings.

Genesis, Lilith had called it, and Shinji really found himself hoping it wouldn’t take six whole days.

* * *

The sun was setting when he saw a strange shape in the sky overhead. It started falling down towards him, and he wondered if perhaps he should take cover, but he didn’t think that the world Adam was creating would contain anyone or anything that might hurt him.

The angular shapes that slightly resembled wings turned out to be white once they finally got close enough, so he relaxed.

The angel swooped by overhead instead of hitting him, but someone dropped down from it. “Good, here you are!” said a cheerful child. “Sahaquiel spotted you already, but he’s got more people to find. Come on,” she said, taking his hand. “Stand up! I’ll fly you back up to my real body, but we need to hurry to catch up to the rest of me.”

“Is everything going alright?” he asked her.

“I’m worried about my doll. The only thing left will be the china head, and I was in a building made out of mostly wood. I hope the tiles didn’t fall and smash it. There will be Lilim to make me another one, but that’s the doll Father had made for me, when I found out what dolls were. It’s older than you are,” she told him. The six wings that sprang from her back were solid with white feathers for half their length, but then they began to shift somehow into flickering blue flame. Looking at the place where matter and energy met made Shinji’s head hurt a little, so he averted his eyes. Her legs became flame as well and they rose on those flames, more like a rocket than a bird, as the greater white wings of this angel’s true form glided in circles above them.

There was another person clinging to the great spars of those wings… Another person and a great cat. Mari turned back into a human to wave her arm at him cheerfully. Asuka gave him a look. He expected a glare, because all of this couldn’t be comfortable and it was definitely his fault, but she simply averted her eyes with a sniff and went back to ignoring Mari.

“Come on,” the succubus said. “I mean, two Mistresses! How was I supposed to look a gift horse like _that_ in the mouth?”

Well, yes, the line of Asuka’s shoulders somehow managed to communicate. She _was_ that divine, but Mari was going to have to do a lot more than just stating the obvious to win her way back into her Mistress’ good graces.

After dropping Shinji somewhere he could cling fairly comfortably, the angel pushed herself into the thickest of the spans, and Shinji was reminded of pushing himself into Rei, even if that was the merging of two different people’s bodies, while this might be just as much the angel’s body as the one that looked human.

By the time they got to the manor,  there were grass and trees again, and birds that flew up to meet them, but there was a hole in the greenhouse roof and the ground level had dropped two feet relative to the birdbath, which had a crack in it. The soil had been absorbed as well?

And the silk sheets, and the wooden beams that held the upper floors in place, and… Shinji really had caused a great deal of trouble.

“The Lilim are working their way inwards from the coast,” the angel told him, seeing his upset look. “Bardiel – he had the manor built for our Father – remembers the blueprints, so he’s gathering some of them to cut beams and make wheelbarrows and that kind of thing.”

Oh dear, thought Shinji. Everyone’s homes, all over the world. So many things that people had worked so hard to make.

But… if everyone was working together now… And he couldn’t imagine Tabris letting people starve. If his power was in all of them now, then he’d keep them from getting hungry, just like Shinji still wasn’t.

Arael came back again, with Touji, Hikari and an angel named Sachiel who turned into a giant and helped clear away the rubble from the site of the manor. Shinji was already going through the house to see how much could be salvaged: some of the metal was bent out of shape by something heavy falling on it, but most of it was intact even though most of the china and glassware were lost. On the third day, workmen arrived with wood and began to mix mortar to make the necessary repairs to the stonework, and even though there was no more coal, the angels could generate enough heat for metalwork. Master Tabris’ blessings meant Shinji had enough strength to keep helping even though he had absolutely no knowledge of construction.

When Shinji saw someone wearing clothing, a nice professional suit, it would have been obvious that they were a fallen angel… a true human even if Leliel’s hair had been black at the time. Seeing Shinji’s puzzled expression, he told him that “The night conceals.”

Shinji almost said something like ‘I thought you weren’t pretending to be angels anymore,’ but Master Tabris’ children were able to choose their forms and their natures, so perhaps Master Leliel _liked_ being the Angel of the Night, had picked that name himself just like his Lilim name. “Is it real fabric, or just shapeshifting?” he asked Leliel. “It would be nice if there was a bed, when Master Tabris comes home.”

“Tell the Lilim that,” Leliel told him. “There are geese and sheep around already.” So a featherbed could be made.

Shinji wondered if his soul would protect him from the way wool itched, but cotton was a plant and silkworms were all the way in China. He wouldn’t be able to get either of them anytime soon, not unless he asked one of the angels to run errands for him.

Asuka and Mari almost brought back enough geese single, or rather double-handedly. Or four-pawed and several-gunnedly. Iruel’s workers already had more than one textile mill working – at least the rivers were mostly still where they used to be – so there was cloth to put them in by the time the spreading grass and trees reached the manor and Tabris vanished from the sky.

It was Sachiel who explained to him that “Our father finished the land: the rest of it went into the sea. Once that’s done,” all the fish, coral and such things, “he’ll be finished.”

The wood for instruments had to be properly shaped, aged and seasoned.

Of all the trouble this had caused, Shinji felt worst about that. All of the paintings in museums and the manor’s collection were also gone with their canvas.

It was at dawn on the sixth day, not the seventh, that Tabris descended from the heavens, landing gracefully in front of Shinji as the workers and incubi knelt to honor their God.

Shinji ran to him.

“There’s a bed,” he told him, when they finally broke the kiss. At least Shinji was responsible for that much, even if the house still needed floors put in and they really couldn’t move in, they’d be in the way. He’d asked for them to build a small, one-room building so the two of them could be alone together, but he’d really hoped… Well, no, he hadn’t hoped that Tabris would take so long that the house was finished before he got here, but… “And plenty of food.” Hikari had saved some of the geese for the Master’s return. Since she wasn’t coming up to them, Shinji was sure she was already cooking. Shinji wished he was cooking for Tabris, but he really wasn’t good enough yet, and he didn’t want to lose contact with his Master’s body for even that long.

“No more cruelty, or sorrow, or war. No more children unloved.”

It was very, very selfish of Shinji, especially after Tabris had gone to so much trouble, but “I’m just glad you’re back.” That Tabris was here with him now. Shinji didn’t care about other people and their happiness, not next to that.  “I should thank you,” but he wasn’t thankful that Tabris was gone for so long.

“Is that what the bed is for?” Tabris asked with a grin, and Shinji blushed, because no it wasn’t, he just hadn’t wanted to wait for there to be a proper bed to lay with Tabris in, but if Tabris wanted to think that Shinji was being responsible and did it to thank Tabris for making the world into Paradise, bringing about the Kingdom of Heaven that _everyone_ had wished for (except Shinji, it seemed, who just wanted to be with the person who was so kind to him), then it would be very foolish to admit the truth.

Tabris was here, so this was the world he wanted. This was his paradise. The happiness he’d… No, not the happiness he’d wished for. The happiness he’d never dared to dream of. The paradise foretold, where there would be neither war nor sorrow, where the lamb would lie down with the lion, a pathetic creature like him be considered worthy to grace the bed of a great king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took Arael’s appearance from the Angel-XX line of figures instead of Campus Apocalypse. I wanted to convey that fitting in was no longer a priority.
> 
> You activate a Roomba and go to bed, expecting to wake up to a clean room. Instead there’s a huge mess and chemicals everywhere. You turn the damn thing off and possibly see if you can get it replaced. The thought it might have achieved sentience and trashed the building while trying to create a society is not going to leap to mind.
> 
> If someone were to suggest it, the question that springs to mind is ‘it’s an effing Roomba: how?!’ there’s just not enough processing juice, etc. in there to run a real person. To Lilith and Adam here, humanity is out of the kind of bad 50s science fiction where coffeemakers attack! Tabris comparing what he sensed from the humans around him to shovels in the illusionary flashback was a fairly accurate translation of where that level of golem sits on the FAR’s scale of simple to elaborate/powerful tech. 
> 
> Of course, that illusionary flashback to the Antarctic was for the benefit of the audience. He wanted to explain things/infodump, not give them an accurate memory of what happened – he doesn’t like SEELE that much. What actually happened had a lot more of him standing there looking poleaxed, because he wakes up and this is the state of his world? WTF? Seriously? Seriously?!
> 
> The FAR’s tech centers around energy manipulation (AT fields) and biotech. Lilith’s simple ‘find Adam, make more of you to replace the ones that wear out and spread to find Adam faster’ machines would have needed to borrow from the survival protocols of the vessels to not get munched, forget being able to do problem solving other than pathfinding. Sentience is an emergent property, which is when you add together various things and the combination has properties that the individual components do not possess separately. Eg. the H2O molecule, as opposed to hydrogen and oxygen.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue: I'm hoping to add two more chapters, one with Asuka and Mari's adventures and another with Kaworu/Shinji fluff.

“I should not be irritated that Lorenz Keel got exactly what he wanted, even if this is my kingdom, not that of his God. He is no longer important, not that he ever was as important as he thought himself.” Tabris tapped his fingers on the armrest of the yet-uncushioned stone chair thoughtfully. He looked just as comfortable as if he lounged on silk, but that was a god’s grace for you. A useful model to emulate, even if Asuka preferred the projection of aggressive pride in her strength to amused, superior confidence.

“Yes,” Asuka said sternly. “You should be! They’re all so happy and cheerful and obedient, like dolls! If that Lilith shows her face around here again… But it’s your Shinji’s fault for being so pathetic!” she declared, shaking her head and ignoring Mari coming up to her back and sniffing her hair before proceeding to rub her cheek against Asuka’s shoulder, certainly with that absurd catlike smile, with the irritation of long practice. “For wanting such a pathetic heaven!” She was well aware that countless generations had prayed for a world without war or strife, hunger or disease, where everyone would be happy and united, but that was a world of sheep, the dream of sheep!

Tabris just smiled at her, just as affectionately as Mari if in a different way, and it evoked just as much fondness, she meant _extreme annoyance_ , in Asuka. “I retract my prior statement,” she said with a sniff. “It’s your fault for choosing someone so pathetic. Not that he has any excuse for being so pathetic.” When he wasn’t one of Lilith’s sheep. If _Asuka_ was capable of being well, _Asuka_ , then that boy had no excuse.

“And that is why I’m forbidding you from being in the same room with him, Asuka, as fond as I am of you both. Gendo Ikari spent years expertly sabotaging Shinji to ensure Yui’s revival. You had your two mothers, and of course myself.” Her insults would not help Shinji believe that he deserved to be loved.

“You wanted someone pathetic,” Asuka accused him with a haughty sniff. “Someone you could mother.”

There was a slight pause before Tabris smiled at her. There was of course no overt air of menace: Tabris saw her as, if not _his_ child, a child born under his aegis. He had given Asuka more power than even Yui with all her hubris had demanded. Asuka was one of his favorites among the humans – or those who had thought themselves humans – and he had encouraged the growth of both her will and her power.

He still favored Shinji more, and two weeks ago had been rendered furious by SEELE as well as the Ikaris, wife and servant, viewing him as something they could bend, no, break to their purposes, but in his eyes it was simply the nature of Asuka to speak thus. He wouldn’t allow her to speak thus to _Shinji_ , not when his confidence was so fragile, but he certainly did not hold her valor against her when it was such a charming trait.

Still, if she had been someone other than herself… Well, Asuka thought, anyone else who dared speak to Tabris thus, not simply speaking poorly of his favored but offering insult to him, was a fool.

“And that is why I have appointed you Queen of the Lilim,” Tabris said, knowing her thoughts. “The ones whose bodies and souls I had already taken,” the vast majority of them without their knowledge, by spreading his blood and its power throughout the world, sleeping in their bodies, “remain as they were, but those who died before I was released…”

“I’ve seen them,” Asuka said. Ordered them around, more like, creepy dolls that they were, like the white puppets that witch Yui had ordered around. Disgusting, for a god to be brought as low as Lilith had. Where was her pride?

“Be a dear and see if you and Armisael can find some of the souls that were once composers first? Artists as well.” Since all the painted canvas in the world had dissolved. There were some sculptures in the room, the incubi of Tabris’ manor attempting to ornament it as was fitting for the residence of their king and god, but it still had quite a severe aesthetic, not the balance between comfort and elegance that Tabris favored, not at all.

Asuka held her arm out to the side without looking it, and Mari took the signal to take her other form and leap onto it to take her proper place on Asuka’s shoulder. “And Iruel?” she asked, seemingly ignoring the door behind her.

Not that Asuka was any stronger to flinging doors open dramatically herself.

“Armisael has more practice locating the souls of you Lilim, and she can bring them to the pools of blood that I left for them to be born from.” The pools that would shape new bodies, restoring the dead to life. “With Lilith gone, there will be no new Lilim, which I suppose is fortunate, since the grand total is already more than it would be healthy for this planet to hold. Something will have to be done, but fortunately there are other heavenly bodies, planets and moons alike, circling this star that might serve.” Tabris kept speaking to Asuka even as Misato Katsuragi stalked past her, and Asuka had to put a hand up to restrain Mari from leaping upon someone fool enough to ignore the Princess, now the Queen, as though she was not even there.

As someone who had put several spokes in the wheels of those old men herself, Asuka had some respect for the younger Katsuragi’s goals but none at all for her intelligence. Honestly, what had she done to deserve Tabris sticking her with the job of civilizing the fools that surrounded her, making them properly intelligent? Well, yes, speaking ill of his Ganymede, but for the sake of all that was unholy, why would anyone possibly prefer a soft little fool like that to a sleek, deadly creature like her Mari? An entire planet to choose from… Well, no, not if the rest of them were not true humans. Miscegenation was one thing, bestiality another, as much as Mari delighted in blurring the line between them and displaying her contempt for all the rules of this world. Well, they were Tabris’ rules now, and his children saw form as a matter of no consequence.

Still, even that feckless Arael, who cared for little but her dolls and the most fashionable clothing of cotton and lace and ornate floral prints that clashed _ridiculously_ and should have brought a hive of bees down on her in Asuka’s opinion… Well, alright, maybe there was _one_ of Tabris’ children that wasn’t infinitely preferable to that fool Shinji. Bad blood there, too, on both sides, but at least he didn’t have the wit to come up with disgusting plots the way his forebears had.

“What have you done?!” Misato demanded finally, when she grew tired of neither of them acknowledging her.

“Taken back my planet. Well,” Tabris corrected himself. “In truth, it seems that Lilith did not intend to steal it from me after all, despite how damning the evidence was. It would have happened eventually-“

“Whenever you got tired of playing around with the old men-“ Asuka said, rolling her eyes. Well, it wasn’t as though she wasn’t equally fond of tormenting them.

“But I planned to take it rather more… intact.” Well, the planet remained intact, despite the awakenings of two gods. The fruits of Lilim civilization, not so much. “Despite all my years of living on this island, it seems I lack your knack for banditry.”

Leliel’s pet vampire – well, technically Shinji’s vampire familiar, but Asuka wouldn’t trust him with any sort of a pet either – finally appeared in the doorway. Mari leapt down from Asuka’s shoulder to return to human form kneeling at her Queen’s side, and Asuka didn’t need inhuman sight to known that the catty creature had stuck her tongue out at Kaji. Anyone fool enough to turn down a life of service to Mistress Asuka didn’t deserve the privilege, no matter how handsome he was.

Well, it wasn’t as though Asuka had favored him for his brains. If he was as clever as he thought, then he would have let her bring him to heel before another member of the circle did.

Still, because Kaji was a former family retainer, among his other loyalties, Asuka said, “He’s trying to provoke you,” even though that should have been obvious. “Doormats are boring, and the circle was always sucking up to him.”

“It’s a pleasure to see some pride in humanity… even if you’re not human,” Tabris told her. “Asuka has turned out well, if I do say so myself,” Asuka preened a little, even though this wasn’t news to her, “so that remains to be seen. If what you’re complaining about isn’t the physical destruction, but the majority of the world’s population turning into innocent lambs, blessed with an overabundance of the virtue of obedience, a flock with no higher ambitions than to be allowed to worship their superiors, to kneel in the presence of their gods and sing their praises… Well, it’s not fair to blame Lilith, either. I suppose in the end it’s my fault for jumping to conclusions and allowing both SEELE and Yui Ikari’s delusions to persist even after they ceased to be all that useful.”

“You were having fun,” Misato said disgustedly.

Tabris nodded. “Yes. Sparing your lives and attempting to help you was far more enjoyable than watching my children be forced to kill each other. I suppose the trouble is that I didn’t want to make the decision that had to be made. Instead I asked Israfel’s half, and then Shinji, to decide your fates for me…”

“Because you were too soft-hearted to take over the world,” Asuka said, putting her hands on her hips. “You were going to wait until the old men did it, weren’t you? And then finally get around to rescuing it from them? They were plotting to plunge the world into war, to try to get the Messiah to appear,” she explained for Misato’s benefit. Fools, all of them.

“Oh, I don’t think it was the old men that would have moved first,” Tabris said, turning to look past Misato’s side (the woman was looming over him, or attempting to) at Asuka. “ _General_ Asuka.”

“Well,” Asuka said as Misato turned, startled. It wasn’t as though Asuka was surprised Tabris knew the other title Mari called her, even if it was behind closed doors. They both knew he didn’t let any of the incubi out of his sight, after what so many of them had suffered. Obviously he wouldn’t have missed her and her familiar recruiting dozens of them. “Someone needed to do it. And your children were far too obedient for fallen angels.” Leliel might have gone beyond frustration years ago, but they loved Tabris too much to risk hurting him, and Tabris was so soft-hearted that even the public panic and fear of a bloodless conquest would have bothered him. Ridiculous, when such things were happening every day! To just let them go on? Soft, ridiculously soft.

A sigh. “The daughter of my former host and the self-appointed commander of the Heavenly Host… Perhaps I should give you a sword, and a red horse.”

“Infernal host,” Asuka corrected him, and sighed. “Well, yes, I suppose heavenly host is more accurate.” Even if she hated the thought of fulfilling the dreams and nonsensical prophecies of those old…

“You were… you were going to betray humanity and conquer the world for a,” no, not for a devil, “betray humanity for,” except who was human here? “He isn’t one of us!”

“Exactly!” Mari said happily, springing lightly to her feet.

“Everyone’s trying to conquer the world! To rip off their own pieces of it and play ‘mine is bigger!’ Selfish men trying to take whatever they can, doing whatever they could get away with to whoever they could get away with! Who should rule, a bunch of bastards who are _worse_ than the old men, because the old men at least cared about the good of the world even if they were deluded fools, or something that cares about people, even when they don’t deserve it?” Asuka demanded. “Well, in theory, the fittest and most intelligent should rule, but I don’t intend to spend the rest of my immortal life looking after a bunch of _children.”_

“Oh?” Tabris asked, leaning back, a corner of his mouth turned up. It made him look a rather roguish young man. “And who exactly are you planning to relinquish your position to, Queen of the Lilim?”

She scowled, but she knew he was right, so it wasn’t worth arguing about, or turning to look at him. He might be right, but she didn’t have to admit it.

“Speaking of children,” Tabris remembered, turning to Misato. “Your father and your mother are both here, but SEELE had your mother eliminated and sent proof to your father,” to prove that they were that worthless, to demonstrate what would happen to him if he disobeyed, “before I awoke, so I had no chance to obtain her soul until now. I’m afraid that she is one of those Lilith repaired.”

“Repaired?” How could he call it that, Misato’s angry eyes demanded?

“Turned into sheep,” was what it was. “Well, _more_ sheepish.” In theory, Asuka wouldn’t need to look after the majority of humanity. The lower classes and lesser races were the lower classes and lesser races: who would try to make them into people, when the world would always need servants to grow the food and sweep the floors? If they knew their place and were happy serving their betters, then wasn’t that just perfect?

Except Asuka knew just how many people had wanted _her,_ as a member of the lesser sex, to know her place. Well, she _did_ know her place, and it wasn’t where they wanted her.

“Even after becoming one with Shinji, Lilith had few memories that gave her any reason to see you as people,” Tabris was afraid. “Much less as good people.” Now, he frowned. “I’m not certain that… your free will was such a rare anomaly, a precarious thing. I don’t know how many of those who died outside my power can be uplifted to join the ranks of humanity, even with your advice and my power, Asuka. So,” he said, and they could feel that he was about to act only because he let them, “You will not tell Shinji this. Even a human could not refuse Lilith, or myself. This is not something that Shinji had any control over, yet he has been trained to torment himself, to blame himself. So, there will be no hint that this is anything less than the paradise the Lilim sought. Well, I managed to do better than _that_.” Contempt there, for SEELE and all their plans, all their dreams. “But not by as much as one would have hoped. As Shinji deserves. Yet this is the world he wished for, a world where all are happy, and nothing shall tarnish his happiness. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Master Tabris,” all four of them said, and Misato’s hand flew to cover her mouth when they were released.

“Good,” he said, and smiled, pleased even in the face of Misato’s rage. “To even think of attempting to use him against me…” he said, and now there was no smile on his lips. “Shinji has been _used_ enough. He is the one found worthy, by both myself and Lilith. This is his world by right, and twice over. You continue to exist, and have what free will is left to you, by his grace alone.”

Well, wasn’t that ridiculous, when it was clear from how he’d acted before Tabris’ return that Shinji hadn’t bothered to consider anyone’s free will. He’d just wanted Tabris, and the rest of it was what Tabris wanted to give them. Was Tabris protecting them, even the people who didn’t deserve it. Despite the sharpness he’d pretended, to play the role, Tabris wasn’t steel under white silk, he was silk wrapped around fluff.

“You,” Misato forced out. “If you hadn’t woken up…”

“Lilim would have continued to murder, enslave and torture each other, praying for the god they sought to save them, from terrible fates and empty lives they inflicted on each other and themselves,” Tabris said, almost gently, trying to be kind. “I’ve given you what you were made to want, and more. It’s not a bad thing that you somehow learned to wish for more. It’s something worth preserving. I was made to want to find a world, and let my children kill each other so that world could bear life. I would hate to settle for that now, myself. I sympathize with… Well, no. _Your_ true desire is for vengeance. Vengeance for someone who is now alive again. I suggest… No, you don’t wish to go find him.”

Looking between them, Asuka realized, “You did all that to avenge someone you didn’t even _like?”_ Fought Master Tabris, the person who bent his own rules to protect her mothers, the person who gave her Mari (even if she certainly was well aware that from Mari’s point of view, it was the other way around? _Cats._ ) _,_ for such a…

Misato had _raised her hand_ to Master Tabris, drawn it back to strike him, even if she hadn’t dared, not yet, even if it hung there, trembling. He merely looked at her, and Asuka knew that if she was Misato, the fact the only worry in his eyes was for her, not himself, would have forced her to strike, even if she only broke her fist on his infernal shield.

“I know that you’re angry, about what you suffered,” he told her. “It is right that you are angry. To not be angry, to think that you _deserved_ such treatment…” Tabris would have to be furious on her behalf, then. “But you are not the only one who suffered like that. There is still a part of you that wants to believe that this world was not a place where things like that could happen… To _you_ , even though you know, from Kaji’s reports on the incubi, what happened to those who weren’t in your social class. Who didn’t have your father’s connections. You are not alone, in your suffering. That doesn’t make what you suffered any less painful, any less terrible. But to demand that others respect your suffering, while you refuse to treat theirs as a matter of consequence…” His eyes darted to Mari. “No, child.”

The panther (because that was what she was, human form or not) grinned. “Aww, why not? If she doesn’t want to care about what Shinji went through, or what I went through, then she doesn’t deserve to have you care if she loses a little blood. We’re all immortal now, right? Even if I eat her alive, she’ll just come crawling out of a pool.”

Asuka recognized how Kaji shifted, reaching for a firearm that wasn’t there. Not that an ordinary gun would save anyone from Mari.

For a vampire, Kaji wasn’t moving much like a predator, but then being extremely wary of Mari was only sensible. Asuka wouldn’t have wanted him if he was _that_ foolish, even if she’d been a little girl at the time.

“No,” Tabris repeated firmly, before turning back to Misato. “Hurting others because there is no reason not to, letting them think that no one will care… I will have none of that in my beloved’s world. I think… Yes. Mari, would you be so kind as to bring Misato to her parents, and then bid Maya join them with Ritsuko? I shall rejoin my beloved. The new world has been created, and it is time to be about the business of living in it.” He stood, slipping past Misato without having to use his infernal shield to push her back, although that waver in the air showed that he didn’t think her cowed, at least. “I hope you may find joy here.”

He had already found his own, and even though he was still concerned for the Lilim, nothing could compare to Shinji’s happiness. 


	25. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the extremely belated fluffy sex scene that I promised to insert after Ch. 14. I’m afraid the Mari/Asuka scene will have to wait until I’m up to doing something a little more plotty

Perhaps it was what sense of propriety he had left that made Shinji wait until they were in the bedroom to throw himself upon Tabris, or perhaps it was nervousness. Had he spent the entire walk from the garden steeling himself to do this?

Tabris permitted it, rewarding Shinji with encouraging murmurs, sounds meant to soothe more than inflame. He didn’t want Shinji to think he had to repay Tabris spoiling him, but he did not enjoy Shinji’s anxiety, either. He wanted to let the young man pleasure Tabris if that was what he needed to do to calm himself, to let him feel like he deserved to be here enough that he would listen when Tabris told him that was true. It was one thing for Shinji to duck his head and blush, when Tabris succeeded in touching his soul. It was another for him to shrink back and shake his head in denial.

One made Shinji think it might be true, another reminded him that in Shinji’s mind, at least, it wasn’t.

So he let Shinji do as he wished with their bodies, and it was no hardship to arch for him, to tangle his hands in brown hair and smile fondly when blue eyes meant his own.

He knew that Mari said that he should pull roughly, should show some sign that he was inflamed to the point of hunger, of need for Shinji’s touch, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to inflict any pain on such a delicate creature. One so used to so much undeserved pain.

Shinji was still so afraid that Tabris gentleness was a lie, as well. What if he thought some instant of pain, some moment of cruelty, wasn’t affection but instead some sign of Tabris’ true nature? What if he thought it proof that what Tabris truly desired was to hurt Shinji the way his father hurt him?

He had no wish to see the light of Shinji’s soul raised against him again, to see the frightened creature cringe back from his touch. No, to scratch at his back in the heat of passion could undo the work of far too many nights… and he did not wish to lie to Shinji. To make him think that he had provoked responses which did not come naturally to his lover: responses that were not caused by _Shinji_ but by Tabris’ desire to reassure his dear lover that Shinji had pleased him.

Was it the nature of life in this corrupted world that made its denizens so inured to pain, so used to its omnipresence that even their pleasure didn’t feel real to them without it?

After Shinji drew a cry from his lips he let himself appear tired and sated, let his eyes be half-lidded as he looked down at his Shinji, opened his arms to offer an embrace, if that was all Shinji desired for himself. Such a pity that Shinji was so frightened in the aftermath of his bravery, but as much as Tabris wanted to give him a hero’s reward for daring to speak the truth of his soul, was it best to offer gentle comfort instead…

But thankfully when Shinji shuddered in his arms it was to press himself against Tabris’ thighs: instead of trying to hide his arousal he squirmed with it, and he let Shinji see his smile, how glad it made him that he could still offer Shinji pleasure to make up for the failure of his gift to please his love.

He wanted to stroke down Shinji’s neck and cover it with kisses, but no, that would make him feel vulnerable now, so instead he claimed Shinji’s lips, softly softly, and pulled a silk sheet over them, wrapping some of that silk around his hand.

It was easier to coax cries from Shinji’s lips if he felt that Tabris’ own muffled them. He was more shameless when he felt concealed, as though what they did was shameful – how absurd this corrupt world was. Perhaps he could hope that the sheets or Tabris’ robes made him feel embraced, when they wrapped around that lithe body?

Would it help to have one of the incubi teach the boy some form of combat? Even though the incubi knew of their AT fields, when so many of them were used to being stuck if they showed any defiance, it did help them to go through the motions of attacking another in self-defense and be met with success and praise instead of failure and blows. Touji was seeing that Shinji got enough exercise despite being confined to the manor: would Shinji enjoy wrestling with him? Mari was the superior instructor, but Asuka would come with her and criticize the beginner quite viciously, especially since seeing Mari’s naked form exerting herself would inflame passions and she would have to wait until Shinji’s lesson was over until Shinji developed enough confidence to… If he ever did.

If Shinji never wanted to take pleasure with another, he would have to accept that, even if it worried him to think that it might not be Shinji’s devotion to Tabris but instead Shinji’s lack of self-worth, how he didn’t believe that he deserved pleasure. He clearly didn’t mind Touji arousing him during Shinji’s training… but no, pointing out that it really wasn’t that different might make Shinji reject the touch of his fellow as well as Kaji’s body. Perhaps it was that Touji was preparing him for Tabris’ pleasure, instead of seeking to pleasure Shinji. Although at this point Shinji and the incubus were friends… Perhaps he should instruct Touji not to tell Shinji that the incubus wished to please his friend, but also that Touji should continue to do so, until perhaps Shinji could be coaxed past this reluctance to partake?

“I still wish to give you a gift,” he said softly, pulling back from the kiss to touch Shinji’s face. “And now I must reward your bravery as well. Will you name a wish so I may grant it, or shall I wrack my brain, seeking another way to please my dearest one?”

Ah, there, that shy little half-whimper, looking away but then glancing back up at him, meeting his eyes and keeping their gazes locked, in hopes that Tabris could prove his words true. “If there’s… what about Kaji?”

Ah. He smiled. “So kind, my Shinji. Don’t worry, I will find him a good home so he does not go hungry.” He kissed a blushing cheek. “Now I must reward you for your thoughtfulness as well.” So rare among the selfish denizens of this ruined world. “You deserve so much… perhaps it will keep me too busy to do aught but bring you joy for the rest of my existence.” He smiled, thinking of how Leliel would complain at that. Ah! Yes, giving Leliel a distraction might help his complaints of Tabris distracting himself with this human, a rare thing to find a soul like this on this blighted world or not.

Yes, Shinji did brighten at that: it wasn’t quite… but whatever made Shinji happy.


End file.
